"I'm really stupid, like my parents said," I said, "I couldn't help but feel a heart-wrenching pain in my chest after reading it
Parents' blows and sarcasm are like a deep shadow
You never know what you're destroying by doing so, and it's likely to be your child's lifelong confidence and hope
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01
To say that the people who are most sarcastic about themselves, many people will think of their parents
Many people apply this skill to intimate relationships
Thought to be a manifestation of humor and closeness
But I forget that no matter how beautiful the cloak is, the core of such expression is still a kind of harm
Especially for sensitive and fragile children, when parents like to take their shortcomings as jokes
Intentional and unintentional yin and yang weirdness
Over time, the child will fall into an inferiority complex
When you're still proud of your humor and wit
Maybe the child has already secretly shed tears
Even doubt yourself, doubt your love for him
What's more, many parents must prefer to say such sarcastic words in front of everyone
As a result, the child will be hurt even more
Parents who act like this are undoubtedly taking their children's pain as their source of happiness
In reality, such parents are not in the minority
Especially some older elders like this way of education.
Because in their hearts, they always think that children cannot stand up to praise
A boast will flutter, and even pride and complacency
So they take it for granted that children just have to beat them from time to time
Strike a blow so that they can remain humble and strive to move in a better direction
In short, in the hearts of parents, no matter how unreasonable their actions are
How hurtful it is, they all use the same excuse to rationalize these moves
That's "I'm all for your own good."
Such parents often overlook a fact
That is the premise of all relationships, that is, people must know how to respect each other, and parents and children are the same
Only when you let go of that critical, high-minded shelf can you have an equal, open-minded conversation with your child
02
A male relative of mine, since having a baby
I like to sarcastically satirize children, from childhood to adulthood, as long as the child appears
No matter how many people there were, the relative's mouth habitually counted the children
Now that the child has entered junior high school, every time he sees his father, he is still like a mouse seeing a cat, always hiding
Usually, I only like my mother and sister, and I basically have nothing to say to my father
I remember one time we all had dinner at his house
When the meal was over, everyone was seated, but the boy did not come to the table, but asked his mother to show him and put it in a bowl
Quietly hid in his room
At this time, his father said
"I don't know if I'm sitting here, so many guests, are you hiding in the dark?"
"Slowly swallow like a stupid pig, you see your sister is sitting well, I don't know what your brain is used for every day"
So the child sat down with grievance
The child's mother can't see it, so the relatives say two words less
But within a few moments the relative had begun again
The child sat on the side, and carefully kept holding the plate of green vegetables in front of him, and the meat from a distance was not eaten
The dad said sarcastically
"No wonder you're so skinny, you don't know how to eat meat when you look at it, you say he's stupid"
The child was very unconvinced, and looked up at him
This time the relatives were even more energetic, he scolded
"How, you were born to me, I can't say you yet, it's for your own good"
In the end, the child did not say anything, but just finished eating all the food in one breath and left the table first
So the relative said with dissatisfaction
"This kid can't get on the table, you say how I gave birth to him"
As far as I know, this father actually loves his son very much
I remember that on the day the child was born, he sent a dozen circles of friends in a row, and every day he came home from work and hugged his son
also has to make a circle to say
My son, it's too bad
However, as the child grows up, perhaps the child's personality is inconsistent with his expectations
So he likes to be picky and sarcastic more and more
But it is ignored that it is precisely because of his way of education
The child has not been able to become the cheerful, confident, lively and beating look he expected
Instead, it is becoming more and more taciturn
Parents in the world always think that their blows are a "whip" of encouragement
But I forgot that raising children is not an ox cart
We don't need to whip from time to time
Otherwise, the child will only go against your expectations and end up more and more distant from you
03
A person's growth is to constantly evaluate himself
Find your own process
In this process, children will often constantly reflect on themselves based on feedback from the outside world
What kind of person do you really look like?
Is it hated or accepted?
Is it a bright future, or is the future destined to be bleak?
The evaluation and education of parents is undoubtedly one of the most important bases for them to find answers
Therefore, when children always hear their parents evaluate themselves
"This kid is useless, he's not working"
"Not enough brains, like a pig"
"How did I give birth to such a child, a sin?"
At this time, the child's heart will be inferior, they will feel
"Oh, I was so stupid, after all, even my parents said that"
Once such an idea is formed in the child's mind
Gradually, the child will go in this wrong direction and completely become the person you criticize
Many times, it prevents children from becoming good people
It is the parents themselves
And some parents will not only criticize and ridicule their children on one thing
It will also accumulate the child's mistakes and deficiencies
It is very reasonable to "turn over old accounts" anytime and anywhere to prove your criticism
Nor can a child raise his hand
When parents carry this belief that they must "overwhelm" their children and convince their children
They tend to hurt their children desperately and without any barriers
Even deny the child's personality
The child lost a stationery box today, and the parents labeled him as a "loser"
The child has a conflict with his classmates tomorrow, quarrels and fights, and the parents say, "You wait for jail later, I don't care about you, anyway, the police will take care of you sooner or later."
Many times, this blow will directly hurt the child's mental core
Disrupting their identity makes them stressed, confused, and even threatening
Once a child's emotions accumulate to a certain extent, then they will give up the good personality they have worked so hard to maintain
Thus self-abandonment, becoming the kind of personality you call it
04
Keep a cat, have a dog
Even a bouquet of flowers, a grass, at this time we also have to water carefully and fertilize regularly
So how can you raise a child without paying your heart?
As parents, we must learn to reflect on ourselves
Learn more, and don't simply and rudely push all the cause and effect to the child as soon as there is a problem
Hit the child sarcastically, as if this way you can escape your responsibilities
However, most of the parents I have met, after criticizing their children, will always be more uncomfortable and remorseful
And when children become the kind of thing they hit
They regret it even more,
Truly cultivated parents, even if emotions come
He also knows how to control himself, because he knows that sharp language hurts more than sharp knives
They all have a zipper on their mouths and know how to close their mouths at the right time
The famous French sculptor Rodin said
The world is not short of beauty, but of the eyes that find it
The same goes for kids, they're not without merit, it's just that you haven't found it yet
As a parent, don't always stare at the shortcomings of your children and indulge in ridicule and sarcasm
Discover more of your child's strengths, encourage him, and accompany him
Don't let yourself be the one who "can't get along" with your child all day
Know that today you and the child "can't get by", tomorrow he may "can't go" with you, and "can't go" with his own life
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