Many parents don't know that school bullying is actually all around us, and its incidence is much higher than we think.
In order to fully understand the current situation of bullying in schools, from 2019 to 2020, the Education Governance Modernization Research Group of Central China Normal University conducted field investigations in six provinces in the mainland. More than 10,000 students in more than 130 primary and secondary schools were sampled and surveyed.
Data from the survey results show that the incidence of bullying in schools is 32.4%.
It can be seen that the incidence of bullying incidents in schools is very high. Other words
Three out of ten students had experienced bullying.
Bullying is when a child is repeated by others and deliberately and continuously commits negative behavior, causing great physical and mental harm to the victim.
In the face of bullying, most children do not know how to deal with it.
Sent to prison for fighting bullying in the wrong way
There have been tragic incidents of outstanding students being sent to prison for fighting back
Some time ago, there was a "stabbed bully to death party in prison to get a diploma in criminal law" on the hot search.
The protagonist is called Chen Sihan, and his experiences and encounters can deeply touch the helplessness and anger in our hearts.
Many years ago, when queuing up in the school canteen to eat, Chen Sihan was stepped on by a male classmate.
After he also asked the other party to apologize and was rejected, the two men fought in the cafeteria.
Unexpectedly, after school, the other party found more than a dozen people to beat him together.
More than a dozen people on the other side surrounded Chen Sihan with punches and kicks.
At this time, the onlookers handed the bully a knife, and the bully took it and directly gave Chen Sihan a knife in the back. Chen Sihan also raised his knife with both hands and stabbed the other party in the chest, and then fainted.
Unexpectedly, after Chen Sihan woke up, what awaited him was the disaster of eight years of imprisonment.
Bullying is not physical injury
The Chen Sihan incident tells us that children do not know how to deal with school bullying incidents. If bullying happens to them, they will be afraid, or tolerant, or hegemonic.
Most parents think that bullying incidents are children being beaten by others, but there are many forms of bullying, and some bullying incidents, although the child is not harmed physically, but the soul encounters a longer-term negative impact.
The research group of East China Normal University believes that bullying can be divided into relationship bullying, verbal bullying, physical bullying, cyber bullying and other forms.
The incidence of relationship bullying was 10.5%, the incidence of verbal bullying was 17.4%, the incidence of physical bullying was 12.7%, and the incidence of cyberbullying was 6.8%.
It can be seen that 60% of the 80 forms of non-body can be underestimated.
These forms, for kindergarten children, are not easy to distinguish.
Children who are often bullied in kindergartens come from 3 kinds of families with similar parents
One day, M.A. J was chatting with a friend who was a kindergarten principal who had been teaching for more than 30 years.
The head of the kindergarten said that after so many years in kindergarten, tens of thousands of children have been taught, and most of the children who are prone to bullying in school have the following types of parents.
※ Parents who often blame their children
Not accepting mistakes is a human trait, and every parent hopes that their children will not repeat their mistakes, and that they will pin their unfulfilled wishes on their children.
In this case, parents will ask the child to meet their own expectations.
If the child meets his or her own requirements, then the parents will be recognized in society and considered the ideal parents.
Many parents see that their children are disobedient and cannot tolerate their children to make a mistake, and when children make mistakes, the parenting method of parents is very simple and direct, that is, criticism.
The kindergarten director told me that children who are often blamed by their parents are even more afraid to tell their parents when they go home if they are bullied outside. He was afraid that his parents would call them incompetent and cowardly.
※ Overly strict parents
The kindergarten director also said: "If parents don't want others to bully your children, you should not bully your own children." ”
Parents are too strict to make children dare to resist and dare not say "no".
In the face of bullying from the outside world, the child has formed a psychological position and does not dare to fight back.
※ Parents who often taunt their children
Parents who laugh at their children will often criticize, ridicule, and ridicule their children.
Children have become accustomed to this parenting style in the family, that is, children are made fun of, criticized, ridiculed, and belittled by default.
In this way, when children are treated similarly outside, they will also acquiesce.
And the bully, facing the "soft persimmon", will of course be closer.
In the face of school bullying, parents should teach their children how to protect themselves
The child is being bullied, beaten back or sued the teacher? Teaching him to fight back is not necessarily useful, the following 3 methods, are the practices of smart parents, worth learning.
1. Maintain good communication with your child
If your child tells you for the first time that someone is bullying him, parents must take it seriously, provide safety and support to their child, and make your child feel that she is not alone in the face of bullying.
Have your child open up, talk about the process of being bullied, and learn more about the situation, such as how long it has been happening, who is involved, and what behavior is happening.
During the conversation, make sure your child understands that it's not their fault to be bullied and that they shouldn't be criticized and blamed. It is the responsibility of parents to let children know that they are not alone, protect them, and ensure that they are kept away from being bullied.
2. Support and empower children
After hearing that their children are being bullied, parents should work with their children to develop an action plan to stop bullying.
Discuss with your child whether to let the school teacher intervene or to stop it yourself or your parents.
Mama J saw a real event.
A little girl in the second grade was jealous of her classmates because of her good grades. Every day after school, he was verbally bullied by several female classmates.
After the girl's mother knew, she picked up the child every day from school. When the bully sees the parents coming to pick up the child, they stop the verbal taunts and tailgating.
But one day when Mom didn't go, the other girls began to insult the girl in turn.
Later, the girl's mother directly found these children on the way out of school, and righteously said to them: This is my daughter, don't bully her, I will protect her like your parents protect you, if someone follows her every day and insults her, we will fight back in the same way. But the children, Auntie wants you to be friends, everyone helps each other together, and you can all get excellent results.
Mom also invited the kids to a fast food restaurant to eat hamburgers.
After that, the girls became friends and were happy every day.
There are also parenting experts who suggest that if the child suffers physical bullying, he can fight back, but with moderation. Some children do not dare to fight back, parents should give them this authorization, learn to self-proper and moderate protection.
In short, parents and children discuss together how to fight back in the face of various bullying, and absolutely cannot turn a blind eye.
3. Learn the psychology of anti-bullying and counterattack knowledge together
Most of the first bullying occurred in kindergarten, and children living in the group will inevitably encounter the blank eyes, ridicule, exclusion, and shoving of classmates.
Children are small and do not understand the impact of these behaviors.
Parents should help their children prepare in advance and stifle these bullying behaviors in the cradle.
When they happen for the first time, they can fight back in an effective way so that bullying doesn't happen a second time.
Mother J bought a set of "Anti-Bullying Picture Books" for the child, and felt that the method inside was very scientific, simple and easy to operate, and it was not hurt for the child to hurt self-esteem and self-confidence, and it was also easy to operate. If your child is in kindergarten, it is truly recommended to take your child to read this set of books together.
This set of picture books gives eight common forms of bullying in schools: for example: being touched, being rumored, being excluded, being nicknamed, being excluded, and being ridiculed.
After reading this set of books, children can learn how to distinguish non-physical violence bullying behavior, and can give the other party a strong and effective counterattack.
Like what:
"I don't like to be ridiculed": I was always ridiculed by my classmates as a "short and fat little potato" and didn't want to go to the classroom anymore. What should I do in this situation? We need to be brave and ask for help.
"I Don't Like to Be Touched": Mr. Brown always tries to get close to me, and he will slowly touch me with his hand, and I hate the feeling and I am afraid. Mom said I should learn to protect myself properly.
"I Don't Like to Be Pushed": Neville would always block my way and push me to the ground, and I was really scared. But I can't escape, the more afraid I am, the more I will be bullied, and I will use the right way to protect myself.
"I Don't Like to Be Bullied": My mother prepared me a very delicious bento, but Bella snatched my lunch box and took my favorite doll. I am a brave child and I can protect myself.