Li Yinhe: Every adult should keep in mind that although the three ways of making friends are important in fate, they are not without rules to be found, otherwise how can there be such a thing as "popularity"? In this regard, author

Li Yinhe: Every adult should keep in mind three ways to make friends

Although dating focuses on fate, it is not without rules to be found, otherwise how can there be such a thing as "popularity"?

In this regard, the famous sociologist Li Yinhe once mentioned three ways to make friends in her book: mutual independence, no dependence; mutual respect, do not seek consistency; mutual like, get along happily.

It is true that the reason why there is a huge disparity in the relationship between people and people is most likely because the principles and principles that each person follows are different.

The three ways of making friends advocated by teacher Li Yinhe, although they are full of a lot of personal color, do have a lot of universal value.

01

Independent of each other, no dependencies

I've seen a movie called "The Chinese Partner," and even though I've been around for years, I'm still impressed by one of the lines.

At a friend's wedding, Wang Yang, played by Tong Dawei, said this sentence: "Don't partner with your friend to open a company." ”

Why he said that, because he was a party who started a company with friends and partners.

This film tells the story of three friends starting a business together. But as the company continues to grow, their feelings for each other have cracked.

Even the best friends, once there is a crossover and exchange of interests, it is inevitable that contradictions will arise.

At this time, there are two paths in front of each other: do you want to protect your own interests, or give your friends a face?

But no matter which one you choose, the result will not be too ideal.

If you only stick to your own position, then you may hurt the feelings of both; if you respect the interests of your friends, then you may lose what you deserve.

This dilemma, no matter who chooses, will not find the right answer.

This is why Li Yinhe believes that friends should be independent, because the feelings of adulteration and interest cannot be easily tested, and it is difficult to end well.

Just like Zhang Ailing and Su Qing, the two basically held up the entire magazine hand in hand. But how good the two people were at that time, how cold the relationship was later.

Later, Su Qing wrote his own memoirs, and everyone was involved, except for Zhang Ailing. Later Zhang Ailing never mentioned Su Qing again.

The two people who used to rely on each other more, the two who came after them didn't care about each other.

Perhaps, the existence of friendship is premised on the independence of each other's interests, even the best friends, once they cross this line, they will never go back to the past.

02

Mutual respect, not consistency

A colleague once complained to me about a friend of hers. The colleague is nearly thirty years old and single and unmarried. A friend of a colleague who has been married for two years and has a baby.

Every time this friend talks about his married life, he will definitely accuse my colleague: "You are so picky, you should not get married, if you marry early like me, how good it is." ”

Some of the pain is often brought about by people close to you.

Just like this friend, standing in his own position, pointing fingers at the lives of others.

Maybe she is really good for her colleagues, but she doesn't know how to respect her friends' choices.

Not all fish live in the same sea, not all people have the same idea, some people just want to find someone to marry early, and some people just like to be comfortable when they are single.

There is no right or wrong, just different personal choices.

As a friend, the most taboo is to stand in their own position to see the problem, do not know, there is no real empathy in this world, everyone's choice must have their own reasons.

This reminds me of Jiang Fangzhou and Li Shi, both of whom had worked in the field of serious literature. Unexpectedly, Li Shi quit halfway and devoted himself to a talk show.

To this end, Li Shi also gave Jiang Fangzhou a book, and the title page read: You come on, I can't.

Just six words, express your position.

Two people who became friends because of literature later embarked on two very different paths. But even so, the two are still friends.

A good relationship is like that, I'll live my life well and I'll respect your choices.

Don't expect more than half of your friends to agree, even if two people who grew up together, their ideas can't always be the same.

Peach and plum spring wind a glass of wine, the night rain of the rivers and lakes ten years of lights.

Good friends, it is enough to be together all the time, don't always think about everything being unified, have too much tacit understanding.

03

Like each other and get along well

True soul friends are still rare in this world, and most people become friends with others because of similarities.

Because of similarity, they will feel familiar, they will like each other, and they will get along comfortably.

It's hard to imagine the consequences of two people who don't have different tempers becoming friends. It's also hard to imagine how resistant it would be to make friends with someone you don't like.

However, no matter how similar people are, they may only be similar in some place.

You also love surfing, so you'll have a lot of fun doing it together. You also love beauty, so when you discuss this topic, there must be endless words.

There is a distinction between friends, and what kind of person to be with, what kind of things she wants to do together.

I once saw a Korean drama called "Why Is Secretary Kim Like That", in which the heroine and her friends are because they like to chase stars together, so they can feel that they hate each other every time they are together.

There has never been a universal friend who can do anything we want, so we'd better find common ground with our friends and then strengthen it together to make it a bond that sustains friendship.

However, for those who do not agree with each other in the slightest, it is better to stop the loss in time. Life is tired enough, there is no need to beg for money on the matter of making friends.

To be with friends is to enjoy the time, not for the sake of superficial peace, to torture each other.

Teacher Li Yinhe's three ways of making friends are quite reasonable.

If there are interests between friends, the final result is not a win-win situation but a loss.

If there is always one party between friends to impose brainwashing, then even the best feelings cannot withstand such beatings.

If friends are not happy with each other, then over time, they will inevitably drift apart from each other.