After my husband cheated on me and was known, I found his lover, and he called me too terrible to want a divorce, what should I do?
Zhu Shengyong answered
First, don't be afraid to talk to your husband about divorce. Whether he is a real divorce or a fake divorce has several evaluation criteria:
Five Criteria for True Divorce:
1. Peaceful attitude. 2. Strong will. 3. The plan is clear. 4. Favorable to the woman. 5. Positive action.
Five criteria for a fake divorce:
1. Grumpiness. 2. Suddenly away. 3. No solution. 4. The mouth complains about psychological cravings. 5. True detachment is instigated.
Whether it is true or not, first make an assessment.
Second, if the husband is really divorced, the way to deal with it: directly point out: "Divorce can be discussed, and the extramarital affair must be ended before divorce." "Shift the focus from talking about divorce to extramarital affairs."
Third, fake divorce, the husband's psychology is generally: crush the wife, let the wife shut up, let the wife be afraid, so that the wife does not dare to go to the lover. This way he can continue to enjoy the threesome and not worry about his lies being exposed.
How to deal with it: You can debunk the psychology of the husband's divorce, clearly state that he will not eat his set, and focus on the end of the extramarital affair.
Fourth, the husband now thinks that you are terrible, not necessarily a bad thing. Tell him clearly: Just think I'm terrible, this is just the beginning, I will do more later. Extramarital affairs must end! You're ready, in the next 3 months, I'll focus my firepower and kill the extramarital affair!
Fifth, judging from the reaction of your husband's haste, you have not done enough talks between husband and wife.
To know that the focus of the extramarital affair is not the woman outside, the focus is to let the man also be stressed, feel that the benefits of the extramarital affair are gone, feel the pain and irritability, the wife and lover on both sides jump up to force him is the best.
Through many couples talks, it is necessary to clarify extramarital affairs, affirm positions, review the value of marriage, communicate the harm of extramarital affairs, etc., and the initial work should be done in place.
After the husband and wife talks to a certain extent, there are preliminary results, and then the three wives talk. Or many husband and wife meetings are always stuck, and then the three wives talk.
Note: Give your husband a psychological expectation, let him know your path of action, know your position and attitude. At least let him know what you're thinking, what you're doing, and what your purpose is.
With a thunderclap on the ground, he will be more hasty and set up a defense, and then he needs to spend time to gradually remove the defense.
Although the man in the affair is hateful, there is also a vulnerable side and a traumatic side. It is necessary to reorganize the marriage process, re-understand the man, and systematically promote the end of extramarital affairs. #Emotional Review Awards ##情感点评大赏 #
Zhu Shenyong Marriage Management: Husband and Wife Communication Method
