Montbelle "Other people's children must have great parents behind them", Gu Ailing can not be copied

"Accept your own imperfections and accept your child's imperfections." --- to parents

Recently, Gu Ailing has become a new traffic password, and unlike idols, she carries the aura of competitive sports and winning glory for the country.

Without us to go deep, there are naturally many deeds about Gu Ailing on the Internet, the talent for skiing, the learning bully, the variety of non-repetitive hobbies... It has become the envy of many parents as "other people's children".

While lamenting the success of other people's children, while digging deep into other people's parents, we just want to know how her family has raised such a good her.

01

To sum up, these are roughly these points

Respect the child's free nature, unique personality, allow the child to have the right to self-choice. In other words, on the road of children's growth, do not interfere excessively. I believe that children have the ability to educate themselves, can find their own favorite areas, and find the rhythm of growth. To put it simply, if Gu Ailing's life is a car, Gu Ailing is definitely the main driver's seat, where to go has the right to choose, sitting in the co-pilot Ms. Gu Yan only needs to help in time.

Use growth mindset to educate children. Pay attention to the process of children's growth and dilute the results of children's growth. To put it simply, do not pay too much attention to how many points the child has scored and whether the game has won, but focus on the process of learning knowledge for the child and enjoy the fun of the game.

Paying attention to the child's internal drive is to respect the child's inner satisfaction with the world. Satisfaction is what motivates them to do everything. Love or love, be chased away or not, satisfied to feel in place, children naturally have the driving force to persist. Once children have a desire for satisfaction in their hearts, when they do not progress and do not work hard and others progress, their hearts will drive them to fight. To maintain this satisfaction, you have to give more.

Ms. Gu Yan did the best thing by replacing blame with encouragement. But appreciating education is not blindly praised, not encouraged by everything, but to give children just the right support, and blame is absolutely impossible.

A positive mindset among parents can directly affect their children's attitude towards life. Parents are cheerful, children will be positive, parents always carry negative emotions, children will inevitably be disappointed in life.

According to Ms. Gu Yan's friends, Ms. Gu Yan herself is a very active person, always very cheerful, can quickly discover the advantages of others, and is a person who makes people feel happy. Therefore, even if Gu Ailing lives in a single-parent family, without the blessing of education of "perfect marriage", she is still lively and cheerful.

In the Tencent documentary "Gu Ailing, I, 18", 13-year-old Gu Ailing participated in the adult group competition for the first time, after the first slip mistake, Ms. Gu Yan did not show a very strong emotional reaction, and did not accuse her of doing a bad job, including when Gu Ailing cried because of mistakes and illness, bad mood, she was still calm and gentle.

This is the influence of "teaching by example", and it can also be said that it is the power of example.

An optimistic and positive attitude is the best gift Ms. Gu Yan has given her daughter.

Talent and self-discipline. "He began to learn to ski at the age of 3, participated in vocational training events at the age of 8, won the first place in the overall ranking of skiing events in the United States at the age of 9, won the World Cup at the age of 15, completed the subjects and finished high school a year in advance in the same year, and was directly admitted to Stanford University at the age of 16 with a high score of 1580 (out of 1600).

All the way to the beginning of life, it seems that it is difficult to convince people without pulling on talent. Ms. Gu Yan is a person who is good at skiing, and it is common for her daughter to inherit this talent. But there are many gifted people, many, who can persevere and finally succeed, not many.

Gu Ailing counted one of them, although there is talent, the effort behind it will certainly not be less.

Gu Ailing once said that self-discipline is a great help to her. When it comes to self-discipline, we can't help but think that children have requirements for themselves, and living their lives like a precise stopwatch is self-discipline.

In Gu Ailing, "having requirements for herself" is indispensable, but more importantly, she knows what is most important to herself and gives herself the conditions to make all her efforts.

Reasonable planning, emotional drive, rational control, all are indispensable.

In her, you can observe that she knows very well what role she is in what situation, the student is the student role, the play is the play role, the ski is the ski role.

The heart is not distracted, it is the most rare.

02

Under the influence of these educational concepts, Gu Ailing is excellent, and for Ms. Gu Yan, her education of her daughter is also successful, but for us, this is not replicable.

Why can't it be copied? In addition to the execution of educational concepts, the influence of the educational environment, the constraints of the economic foundation, the proportion of parents' energy and intelligence, and the cognition of parents have an impact.

The execution of educational philosophy

Ms. Gu Yan's educational philosophy, freedom, respect, encouragement, companionship, satisfaction of Gu Ailing... To be honest, these ideas are not new, and many parents now agree with and implement them, but we have done them too shallowly, we have not done them thoroughly.

We are often reserved because of safety, the constraints of the educational environment, and the limitations of our own experience.

Gu Ailing began to ski at the age of three, and often climbed around the trees, eating ice slag in the winter, Ms. Gu Yan never stopped, let her be free. On this basis, many parents have difficulty in doing so.

"So small, how dangerous is skiing?"

"It's too dangerous in the trees, come down quickly."

"Eating cold in the winter is not good for the stomach."

It's hard for us to make our children truly free of their nature, and we have too many concerns.

Differences in educational environments between China and the United States

For many learning parents, we are now exposed to a lot of good educational concepts, and many parents are more open-minded in respecting their children's freedom and choice. But sometimes, it is often too late, and the emergence of "vegetarian chicken" type parents is an extreme.

We send our children to a variety of interest classes, partly because of comparisons with other children, and partly because we think it is good to learn this, the children themselves do not have much choice, and the children really like very little.

In addition to skiing, Gu Ailing will also go to basketball, music, horseback riding, piano, and even Olympic numbers, perhaps from the beginning it was Ms. Gu Yan's choice, but now Gu Ailing said that she likes it.

Therefore, guidance is very important. But our poor educational environment is the guidance, we send the child into the interest class selected for him, it does not matter, the most I care about every day is that I paid money, what the child learned, as for whether the child likes it or not, rarely ask or even will not ask. The results of learning are our concern, because we have to borrow talents to bless the further education.

We don't ask, and gradually the child won't answer again. Children will think that learning is enough, and it no longer matters whether they like it or not.

Constraints on the economic base

As mentioned before, in addition to skiing, Gu Ailing also likes basketball, music, piano, etc., to be honest, to cultivate so much interest, education costs a lot.

Raising children is hard, and raising a good child is even harder. Every hobby needs money, and many middle-class families have to cut back on food and clothing to enroll their children in a few more interest classes.

Without that economic strength, there is no need to rush to the chicken baby, and it is best to chicken itself before the chicken baby.

It is undeniable that elite education fights for money.

Parents put in the mental energy and intelligence

Gu Ailing's success stems largely from her mother, Gu Yan. The documentary mentions that in order to support Gu Ailing's skiing, every weekend or holiday in the ski season, Ms. Gu Yan will drive four hours to send her daughter to ski.

Eight hours a day, Gu Yan drove back and forth for more than a dozen snow seasons.

Behind every "other person's child" is a "parent of someone else's family". If you can't make a perfect effort, you don't have to demand that "the child is perfect."

Perception of "competition"

Self-confidence is the strongest breath emanating from Gu Ailing's body. After the first slip mistake in the 13-year-old adult group competition, Gu Ailing suffered from a serious cold, and still insisted on the game, in her words, all came, to win. The desire to win in her bones was urgent.

"I'm going to win!" This winning is all-out love.

Chinese parents like to put their children in a competitive environment, and this "competition" is more of a comparison.

"You see, Chengcheng's paintings are better than yours?"

"Eat today, Daddy is faster than you"

"Xiao Tao is more obedient, but he is more obedient than you"

……

Excessive expectations, the requirement of doing everything well and "other people's children" make children's competition have an extra layer of comparison.

Under this competition, children will gradually value the evaluation of the outside world, want to do everything well, do not allow themselves to fail, and do not allow others to be better than themselves in the hearts of their parents.

We usually put our children in the "middle of the comparison", but ignore the child's desire to win when the child faces the real competition.

"I'm going to win" is such a normal and simple mindset.

Competition is not only a competition, but also a time to broaden children's hearts and cultivate children's emotional intelligence.

Win, still respect the strength of the opponent;

Losing, you can also recognize the strength of the opponent;

"I want to win" is the embodiment of self-confidence, and "can afford to lose" is the performance of children's emotional intelligence.

03

In fact, for ordinary families, the only thing that can learn and not spend a penny is the concept of education, to put it bluntly, it is our own cultivation at the spiritual level.

Good educational concepts can be borrowed, but they cannot be obsessed with, let alone directly copied. Gu Ailing is a special case of education, and Gu Yan is also a typical example of Kochi's parents, "We don't need a child, this or that, we just need him to have his own advantages and pursuits." Focus, exploration, continuous learning, is the ultimate purpose of our education of children. ”

In the arena of the Winter Olympics, in addition to Gu Ailing, there are many outstanding athletes, Wu Dajing, Ren Ziwei, Li Wenlong, etc., including the Chinese women's football team that won the Asian Cup, their education may be different, but it still does not affect their pursuit of what they love, and shine in the exclusive field.

Li Jiayue, a Chinese female footballer, once said: "If you don't insist on what you can do, your dream is not dead";

As the only mother in the team, Zhang Xin retreated at the peak of the dilemma between children and professional dreams, but with the original intention of "letting her son see her mother playing in the Olympic Games".

The tenacity to not shrink back from difficulties and the persistence of what we love are the best gifts we can give to our children.

"Mistakes, get up again;"

"The more you are questioned, the more you want to be hit back by action."

"All I have to do is challenge myself to be free from any gossip in the life I love."

"I want to win"

Tell our children: Before doing something, don't think about bad results, don't be afraid of what will happen if you fail. Self-confidence can create the strong

However, in the face of failure, children need our full support.

1. Give children emotional support: identify and channel emotions

When a child faces failure, we should first support the child emotionally.

Controlling our emotions is the first step, and only by controlling our own emotions can we solve the problem.

Otherwise, controlled by emotions, some parents will start to accuse their children, "What's wrong with you?" As long as you are more serious, you can obviously win", so that the child is deeper and deeper in negative emotions and loses confidence in himself."

In order to hide their disappointment, some parents will deliberately downplay the result, "Don't be discouraged, the result is not important"; let the child feel the unhappiness of the parents, they will feel that the parents are not the same.

Identifying and channeling children's emotions is the second step, so that children can face their emotions correctly, channeling emotions is not equivalent to "coaxing"; some parents will try their best to coax their children when their children are disappointed, "Go away, it's okay, Dad buys you toys, be happy." "It seems to divert the child's emotions, but it strips away the child's opportunity to face his true feelings when he fails." When a child has negative emotions, our most direct identification and acceptance is the best way. Of course, we can also share with our children our feelings when we have experienced setbacks, and emotional resonance is also a good way to channel children's emotions.

Our emotional support is for children to feel that "whether you win or not, Mom and Dad love you the same, and if you need help, we are here at any time." "Sometimes, maybe a hug is enough. After the game, Hot Search Valley Ailing took the initiative to comfort and hug the opponent who lost, which came from her mother comforting her after her own defeat.

2. Guide children's understanding and understand that failure is a necessity of life

It is certainly not enough for us to give children emotional support, especially children under the age of 4, their cognition and ability in all aspects are not yet perfect, and their self-evaluation, self-control and problem-solving skills are not yet mature, and they need our guidance.

Let children understand that failure is inevitable in life, disappointment and sadness are normal, and the key is how to deal with it.

Don't ignore your child's feelings and deprive your child of your cognition just because you are young. Children are experiencing failure, this time is a good time for our education, but also a good time for children to grow.

3. Cultivate children's problem-solving thinking style

In the face of failure, children eventually have to return to solving problems. We need to develop children's problem-solving skills. It does not need to be too complicated, for children, "teaching by example" is often greater than "words", and the way we deal with the matter of facing children's failure is to imperceptibly educate children.

At the same time, we can also provide children with different perspectives on the problem. Let the child come out of the mood of failure and focus on how to solve the problem, such as what I should do next time, can do better.

04

Accepting children is the first step in education

According to Dr. Montessori, "Every child is independent and free, they have their own personality and differences. Some children may be more sensitive, some children may be more impatient, some children may be better and stronger"... Ms. Gu Yan's acceptance of her daughter's free personality is the main factor in Gu Ailing's success.

It's not that hard to say "kid, you don't have to be that perfect."

Saying "Child, even if you're not that perfect, I still love you" is simple.

When we accept the child, the child accepts himself.

Philosophically, when you are able to accept your flaws and see your strengths, it shows that you have the strength to love yourself. At this time, you can also accept the flaws of others and see the strengths of others. Life is then filled with kindness, joy, gratitude, and love. ”

A tribute to all those who have given for their love in this era.

--END--

"Our thinking, derived from a parent's perspective, our advice is not necessarily applicable to all children and what we offer is just one approach

We think that the right education for children is a good education."