1. On the second day of the Chinese New Year, my nephew came to the house to pay respects to the New Year. Because I didn't get up at night because I stayed up all night mahjong, my nephew came to the bed and shouted happily: Uncle! Make a fortune in the New Year, and bring the red envelope. Me: Too sleepy

1. On the second day of the Chinese New Year, my nephew came to the house to pay respects to the New Year. Because I didn't get up at night because I stayed up all night mahjong, my nephew came to the bed and shouted happily: Uncle! Make a fortune in the New Year, and bring the red envelope. Me: Too sleepy, bitch! Wait for your uncle to wake up and take the red envelope. Nephew: No! Last year, I said I forgot and didn't give. Get up, I came this year with scissors, you don't give it to me, I'll shave my head myself

2. On weekends, my daughter-in-law and I went to Xishan Temple to play. My daughter-in-law couldn't walk, so I let her lie on my back and I carried her on my back. An old grandmother passed by us and gave me a puzzled look. When we had already walked over, she turned around and stopped me: "Young man, I see that you are also a cultured person, if your wife is sick, it is better to go to the hospital early, it is useless to worship the Buddha and ask God." ”

3, wife: husband, it is the New Year, the dishes are all washed for you, we will get rich! Husband: Why? Wife: "Public washing and fortune" Ah! Husband: Then when I come back, you should kneel at the door and wait for me. Wife: Why? Husband: "Rich man (woman kneeling) greets the door" Ah! Mother-in-law: What a noise, the two go wash together. Husband and Wife: Why? Mother-in-law: Double happiness (double washing) is at the door! Happy New Year to all!

4, with a female netizen about to meet at KFC, the result is that she can not find a place nearby. So I told her, "Go straight ahead and turn left at the first red light intersection." As a result, after waiting for more than an hour, female netizens have not yet arrived. When I called her, she had a good word: "After two intersections, both are green lights, and I haven't seen a red light." ”

5, when I was in junior high school, few people had mobile phones, so those who had mobile phones became fragrant. He happened to have a mobile phone at the same table, and he saved a lot of songs for us all to listen to. A few of my classmates and I waited for half a day without moving, and the same table said: I got down a lot last night. I asked him: In which folder did you save it? Remember that? He said: I've saved it all into the format...

6, into a new company, the position is assistant, because it is a newcomer, so it is more diligent. Every day, I was the first to clean up at the company, and then I watered a pot of flowers on the table that was not very lush, and I thought that when it changed, I would definitely receive praise from everyone. After a month it remained the same, and then one day someone said to me: I don't know who is so bored, watering the fake flowers.

7, the cousin is very handsome, but I think he can't find a girlfriend in his life! I went shopping with him and met a female classmate in their class, and people happily called him: Qiuyang, you ~ ~ ~ Before people finished, he said impatiently: What to call Daddy, say it quickly! Another day, I accompanied him to go on a blind date, the girl was very shy and said: Qiu Yang, my mother said that she likes you a lot ~ ~ ~ He looked up at the sky and laughed: Hahaha, then don't hurry to call Daddy? You say he's like this, is there any salvation?

8, my sister dropped out of school to work in the electric factory, and when she came home once, she actually told her mother that she was pregnant. The old mother was furious, and angrily let her sister lie down, holding up the burning stick just about to fall. The sister suddenly shouted: Wait!! Mom: What!! Dare to run into trouble, do not dare to admit punishment?? Sister: Wait until I take off my new clothes and fight again. I don't know why, my mother miraculously spared her!!

9, the wife felt stomach pain, I took her to the doctor, the doctor said: "Your wife, there are papules!" "I was terrified! Hurriedly ask the doctor what to do if he has a pimple? The doctor said, "What else can I do?" Go home and wait! "It looks like it's cancerous!" The hospital is no longer treated! My wife and I washed our faces with tears every day for several months, until one day when I was a father, I didn't know that the hair-rattling doctor spoke English that day.

10, there is a little cousin who is usually a computer fan when he is six years old... My uncle went out to work in the morning, and before going out, he said to his little cousin: Write your homework today, and let you play with the computer for an hour after writing. When my uncle came home at noon and saw him playing by the side, he asked his cousin: Is the homework done? The cousin bowed his head, sighed and replied: Don't say it, I don't want to play with computers today... Cousin, you can...

11, on the road to see a beautiful woman, slim and hot figure, decisively walked up to talk to her. It felt super awesome for me when her phone rang and she said, "I'll take a call." "I was anxiously waiting. This is what she said on the phone: "Little sister, brother, I just came down from Thailand to China, met a handsome man, people are still very good." "Suddenly, I was speechless!

12, the uncle's child is six years old this year, once he played in a circle at home, his head accidentally touched the wall, the bear child held his head and said, "One plus one equals how much?" Then he replied to himself "equal to two" and said happily", "Haha, no stupidity"...

13, netizens: Pick up the five-year-old son after school, all the children are finished, I did not see the son. After a while, a child handed me a bottle of water and I said, "Thank you." "Then continue to wait for the son." After a while, the child said to me, "Mom, what are you waiting for?" Let's go home! I looked at it and said, "Oh, you're my son?" When did you come out? The son said with a look of unlovableness, "You see Sa? You don't know me when I'm in my school uniform? I'm really your son!

14. Xiao Liang failed the college entrance examination and went to a listed company for an interview after doing a construction site for several years. HR: "What's your specialty?" Xiao Liang: "I am an expert in the field of engineering learning." HR: "How much does 6 plus 8 equal?" Trabecle: "Equal to 1." HR: "No, it's equal to 14." Trabecle: "Equal to 6." HR: "No, it's equal to 14." Trabecle: "Equal to 11." HR: "No, equal to 14" Trabecula: "Equal to 14." HR: "Come to work tomorrow."