1． I said to the nurse: Pretending to be my girlfriend once thirty thousand, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran over to me angrily and asked me, how long are you thirty thousand times, it will not be a lifetime

1． I said to the nurse: Pretending to be my girlfriend once thirty thousand, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran over to me angrily and asked me, how long are you thirty thousand times, it will not be a lifetime. I asked her how long you thought it would be appropriate, and she smiled and said, "As long as you don't want the jewelry your parents gave me back, it will take as long as possible." It feels like it's going to be a long-term plan!

2． There was a buddy who was chased by someone once, and the other party was a girl, very beautiful. The buddies wanted to chase her, and the girl was a cold beauty, saying, "Stop! I'll fix your car, don't think about anything else. So, the two agreed to meet at the auto repair plant the next day. Unexpectedly, the girl brought a middle-aged woman over. The buddy glanced at the woman, the foundation was slightly thicker, the corners of her eyes were raised, and she had done beauty at a glance. Although the gluttony is very young, the actual age should be in the forties. Judging, it was the girl's mother. Dude smiled in his heart, there is! He said to the girl, "What's the matter, I still brought my sister to make a big noise!" The girl glanced at him and said, "This is my mother!" The middle-aged woman said to the buddies: "What kind of eyes do you have?" suddenly smiled like a flower on her face, and asked the buddies: "Is auntie so young?" The buddy said in surprise, "Oh, auntie, I don't mean to disrespect you in the slightest." Seriously, no one can see that you are her mother. "The woman is happier... The brother hit the iron while it was hot, and asked: "Auntie, I dare to ask, were you legally old enough when you gave birth to her?" The woman sneered and said, "The age is a little younger, but it has reached 22." "That middle-aged woman likes buddies, when asked about her profession, she was a doctor, and she said it was good." Ask again, there is no object, the woman is happy, said that my daughter does not have a boyfriend! The buddy left contact information for the aunt. Within a few days, the woman went to the hospital to find her buddies for a physical examination. Half a year later, the buddies got their wish to hug the beauty!

3． In a first-year ma zhe class at Tsinghua University, the teacher asked, "Where were the students when they first came into contact with the word "philosophy"?" Together, he stood up and replied, "Spring Festival Gala!" The teacher asked him incomprehensibly: "Spring Festival Gala?" How is the Spring Festival Gala? The student opened his mouth with a serious expression and sang: "Eighteen bends of the philosophical mountain road, nine consecutive links of the philosophical waterway..."

4． Since I married my wife home, my wife has become an ancestor, and I have to serve everything. My wife is particularly lazy, and I have to do all the housework after work, but I am also lazy, so I save more every time. These days the daughter-in-law does not know whether it is a tendon that is wrong, and has changed into a person, especially diligent, the kitchen pots and pans have been brushed again, the ground is dragged shiny, the clothes are also washed clean, and the bed and wardrobe are also stacked neatly. As expected, this morning the mother-in-law and the father-in-law came.

5. I am not against my girlfriend watching these low-IQ Korean dramas, in advance is that you watch it on that day, don't look for me, don't talk to me about the plot, you don't have to share your joy and sadness after watching it; you can learn Korean is your skill, don't let me learn it, anyway, I can't learn it. Don't tell me who is who in South Korea, I'm not interested in listening, because watching Korean dramas is better than watching national football, although I don't watch national football...

6. I went to the Mercedes-Benz 4S shop to buy a car, and I liked an E300L, and I felt that it was very high-grade. I asked the sales manager how much it was and the manager said 470,000. Can I say 46.9 million? The sales manager agreed. I transferred 470,000 to him and said: Don't look for it, the rest should be a tip. No way, I also want to keep a low profile, but having money is willful!

7. The second generation of the rich has been sent to the mountains by the rich to learn martial arts because of their poor grades since childhood. Not long ago, the rich second generation learned to go down the mountain, saw a local tycoon boss recruiting bodyguards, the rich second generation went to apply, the local tycoon boss looked at his resume: the bodyguards around me have been recruited, but my family still lacks a water worker, you are from the martial arts, good physical fitness, you can try! Fu Er Dai said coldly: Please don't insult Kung Fu! The local tycoon boss said: Oh, then you hit the Eighteen Palms of the Descending Dragon, the Shadowless Feet of Foshan, and the Rulai Divine Palms! Fu Er Dai immediately stood up: Boss, where is the bucket?

8. When I was in elementary school, I picked up a very expensive steel pen and handed it to the teacher. The teacher praised me in front of the whole class, and since then I have embarked on the road of no return, often picking up things and turning them in. Later, when I couldn't pick it up, I exchanged my own things for praise. Another time, I deliberately shook the table, shook off the pen at the same table, picked it up first, and went to the podium to hand it over. Not to be outdone, the same table dragged me to death, so I dragged him to the podium step by step and said to the teacher: Teacher, I have picked up a pen! The same table dragged me, crying and saying: This is mine...

9． After dinner in Wanda, hang out with friends in the night market. Suddenly remembering that he wanted to buy insoles, he walked to the stall and asked, "Big Mom, how much is an insoles for a pair?" Big Mom said, "Four dollars." Me: "Three elements can't do it?" The aunt said: "No, the price is three yuan and seven!" Me: "I'll buy a few pairs of three dollars, can I?" The eldest aunt said, "Then you give ten yuan, and I will give you three pairs!" "I thought about it, the purchase price is three yuan seven, ten yuan she sold me three pairs, she sold me at a loss!" Now it is not easy to do business in this society, I can't take advantage of her, so I turned around and left! I think I'm too kind.

10． The husbands of my wife's girlfriends are very handsome, but I can barely see them. The wife was not convinced, saying that I did not know how to maintain, and made myself handsome. She sighed and said, "I really don't know, how did I put this flower on your pile of cow dung?" I know I can't refute it, after all, that's the way it is. The son added: If you are flowers, the cows will not pull SHI.

11． A friend introduced me to a girl, a blind date to eat a meal, and the girl had already thrown up three times. I looked at her so uncomfortable and asked, "Are you unwell?" Or is the dish unappetizing? The girl said calmly: "I will confirm with you again, is the Rolls-Royce at the door yours?" I nodded! Girl: "Well, this dish is very suitable for my appetite, so let's continue eating!" "It feels like this girl is inexplicable...

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #