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01
"Augmenting the Sages": "Those who are good to me are my thieves, and those who are evil are my teachers." If you are a threesome, you will have my teacher. Choose what is good and follow it, and change it from the bad. ”
The meaning of the previous sentence is that the person who says good things about me is the one who harms me, and the person who points out my shortcomings is my teacher. If you only look at the literal meaning, of course, it seems extreme, otherwise if you follow this standard, everyone does not say good words, do not understand praise, interpersonal communication will appear very boring.
It is reasonable to look at this sentence with dialectical thinking and draw on the meaning of "loyal words against the ear" in the middle, that is, the latter sentence from the Analects says: Maintain a humble and studious mentality, all people can be our teachers, people who are better than us, we can make up for our weaknesses with our strengths; those who are worse than us, we can look at the shortcomings of others and change our own faults.
Compared with the ancients, today's people are much more convenient in terms of learning paths, because the predecessors have left us a lot of ready-made experience, and we can directly apply what we have learned. Based on this and the words in the Analects, everyone can perform well in terms of doing things.
Although the vision is good, from a realistic point of view, not everyone has such a high level of awareness. Although ready-made experiences are there, not everyone knows how to apply what they have learned, which will lead to differences in height and depth between different people. For people who want to live better, of course, we must not stay at the shallow level without depth, we must improve ourselves, and at the same time learn from better people.
Not only does this need to be considered at the level of personal development, but also in the treatment of feelings. The following woman has done a particularly good job, let's take a look at her experience:
Although it is said that "the ignorant are fearless", they rush forward under unclear circumstances, and if there is a pit in front of them, they will inevitably fall behind. In other words, people who were once "ignorant and fearless" will be in awe or fear when they are planted.
In my opinion, as long as people are not blind, it is better to know more. Only by fully understanding one thing and cautiously moving forward in the case of prevention can we make fewer mistakes. The same is true of emotional things, if you don't understand anything blindly in love and get married, you will encounter many problems. But knowing more and consciously avoiding problems, you can encounter fewer problems.
When I was expressing this kind of thinking to others, some people said that I was idealistic and that people could not know everything; some people said that I talked about it on paper, saying that "on paper, I will eventually feel shallow, and I will never know that I must do this thing"; others say that emotional things should be tried and wrong, and only when I am wrong can we learn lessons.
I don't agree with them, and they don't agree with me, but judging by the results, among our group of people, I am the best married and happiest married. Not because I am better lucky than them, but because I have made preparations and practiced "using people's strengths to make up for their weaknesses, and watching people's shortcomings to change their own faults", and their emotional experiences have become my reference teaching materials.
For example, there is a friend who only wants a man to have money, although married to a rich person, but the life after marriage is not good, because she only sees the money, does not judge the character of the other party, and finally ends in failure.
Another friend thinks that love can overcome everything, does not care whether the other party's conditions are good or not, and only after marriage did she find that love cannot overcome everything, material conditions account for a large proportion of marriage, she and her husband always quarrel because of the problem of money.
There is also a friend who betrayed his marriage and led to divorce, but he was unwilling to reflect on his own problems, and he also lied to the circle of friends, vainly trying to wash himself white, saying that "a party ruined my marriage", blaming all the responsibility on the class reunion and his female classmates, leaving himself clean, and as a result, he was ruthlessly exposed by his ex-wife, lifting a stone and dropping his feet.
In addition to these failed marriages, there are many successful marriages for my reference, and a careful analysis of the rights and wrongs of men and women in them is instructive for me. Based on these cases, I established a more realistic view of marriage and love, and only after laying the groundwork did I start to choose marriage, of course, it was not bad."
02
Although there is no textbook on emotional affairs, although there is no perfect example for us to refer to, there are many fragments of experience for us to learn and reference. This kind of experience we can all learn as knowledge to apply, suitable for us can be used directly, not suitable for our can be taken as a warning, ambiguous can be screened and secondary summary.
Like any other knowledge, there is definitely a difference between what you understand and what you don't understand. Let a person who does not understand anything to choose and manage a relationship, he has no way to start, and the result will be all kinds of big and small problems. And a person who understands the key to feelings avoids many problems in advance, and then encounters relatively few problems.
Some people are too impetuous, too lazy to do preparation and preparation, just like direct love and marriage, or think that their fate is good luck, they can directly meet the perfect love, this kind of people's feelings are destined to experience a lot of stumbling.
It is not that we should understand the feelings before we should start, but at the very least, the pros and cons analysis, good or bad judgment to understand, right? Otherwise, if you casually pull a personal relationship, why do you think that the other party must be suitable for you? Having ready-made experiences and not learning, and having ready-made lessons not to learn, can only show that you are not responsible enough for yourself.
03
There is a word in economics called "wisdom pig game", also known as "free riding", which means that strong pigs should be pioneers, adventurers, and leaders, and weak piglets are more suitable for "free riding" behind big pigs, just need to imitate the model of big pigs winning.
This phenomenon is very common in enterprise competition, many large enterprises have developed a certain model, and soon small enterprises have imitated it, and big pigs eat meat and small pigs drink soup.
The emotion theory mentioned by the woman earlier has similarities with the "wisdom pig game", whether it is from the perspective of personal development or marriage choice, successful people and people with happy marriages have places worthy of our reference, even if you can refer to not many things, as long as you do not have it yourself, reference to things that are beneficial to you, you can use it directly.
The experiences and experiences of those who are successful and those who are happily married are readily available, and whether they refer to them or not lies in the individual, and knowing the reference will inevitably benefit, and not knowing the reference will not benefit. At the same time, there are losers and people with unhappy marriages, whose experiences and lessons are also readily available, who can avoid mistakes if they take precautions, and who are not in the right place are prone to repeat the mistakes of others, so which state is smarter is self-evident.