Wen | the original diary of The Little Fish Daddy, welcome to forward and share personally
Honesty and trustworthiness are the traditional virtues of the Chinese nation, and a person who keeps his promises is often more likely to get the trust and support of others, which means that this person will lose the trust of others and be at a disadvantage in interpersonal relations.
In fact, many people may not have high expectations for something, but after being stimulated by promises, the expectations will immediately rise to a certain height, even if they feel unrealistic.
It is easy to go up the mountain and difficult to go down, and once the promise is not fulfilled, they will feel very disappointed and lose confidence.
In the process of education, parents also like to motivate children with some rewards, but when children go all out to complete the task, some parents feel that they should not agree too crisply, want to rebel, and advise you not to do so.
Promise the child the reward does not want to give
One mom asked for help online, and she posted a video of her daughter covering herself from head to toe in a quilt because she was angry.
Here's the thing: It turned out that the mother promised her daughter that if she could get the ideal score on the final exam, she would buy her the "Nintendo" of her dreams.
When the result card came out, the daughter not only scored the agreed score line, but also exceeded a large margin.
But the reward is too expensive, but when my mother fulfilled her promise to buy Nintendo, she was persuaded by the price to say that I did not want to fulfill my promise.
Netizens are basically rational, thinking that since the mother promised the child, she must honor it, otherwise she will lose the trust of the child.
Parents who have lost the trust of their children are actually very sad
There are too many such parents in life, who promise to fulfill their children's wishes in order to achieve their children's goals, but once the purpose is achieved, they will leave the commitment behind.
As everyone knows, in the long run, the children will accumulate more and more disappointments, and slowly they will no longer trust their parents, and the untrustworthy behavior of parents will also cause indelible harm to the child's psychology, and the final result is also difficult to predict.
On October 16 last year, a boy from Fuyang, Anhui Province, sat on the 27th floor with a knife in anger because his parents did not attend the parents' meeting as scheduled, and no matter how the rescuers persuaded him, the child still sat there motionless.
It wasn't until the rescuers said they had asked his parents to write a letter of guarantee that they would attend a parent-teacher conference next time that the child would give up.
I think this boy must have accumulated many disappointments before he exploded in an instant. While it is highly undesirable for children to threaten their parents with their lives, the practice of parents not delivering on their promises is no better.
In addition, parents do not count words, not only will leave regrets and hurts in the child's heart, but also affect the child's self-control, when they are "broken", it is easy to produce a psychological hint: you do not count words, promised to give me what is not given, why should I try to get it?
Use rewards and promises sparingly, and be sure to do them once you've made a commitment
The Marshmallow experiment confirmed that adults did not keep their promises, and children's self-control could easily drop, when researchers divided 28 children between 3-5 years old in reliable and unreliable groups.
In an unreliable environment, the researchers gave the children a box of used brushes and told them that if they could wait a while, the researchers would return with better and bigger artwork.
After the children waited for two minutes, the researchers came in empty-handed and told the children that there were no other art supplies.
Immediately after, the researcher put another sticker on the table and told the children that if they could wait, he would return with more and better stickers, but the researchers were again untrustworthy.
The kids in the reliable group went through the same setup, but the difference was that the researchers would bring the kids something they promised each time.
The final experimental results were: the average waiting time of the children in the unreliable group was 3 minutes and 2 seconds, the average waiting time of the children in the reliable group was 12 parts of 2 seconds, and only one member of the unreliable group insisted on waiting for 15 minutes, while 9 children in the reliable group waited for 15 minutes.
The researchers concluded: "If you're used to being deprived, then not waiting is a rational choice." ”
Rewarding as a motivator for children is not a good way to educate, and it is the same for parents, either don't commit, and since you have committed, you must do what you say, and don't stand on the high position of your parents and break your commitment at will.
Parents must think twice before making a promise to their children, try to give promises that can be fulfilled, if there are indeed objective factors that lead to unable to be fulfilled, then it is necessary to explain the reasons to the children, and give appropriate compensation, so that the angry and disappointed children can feel your sincerity, and the feeling of being cared for and concerned.