Recently, a video circulated on the Internet of a woman pushing a bicycle and beating a girl on the street. The girl's hairband fell to the ground, she went back to pick it up, the lady hit the girl several times with the front wheel of the bicycle, the girl fell into the green belt, just stood up and was slapped several times by the lady.
The video has been circulated in many groups, causing heated discussion.
At about 3 p.m. on the 8th, the Xi'an Municipal Public Security Bureau Cyber Security Detachment reported the matter, and the video of the woman hitting and slapping the girl with a bicycle was reported on the Internet, and it was found that the mother beat and scolded the daughter, and the police have criticized and educated her.
The police remind that in order to avoid the girl being hurt again, please ask the majority of netizens to rationally go online, do not create rumors, do not believe rumors, do not spread rumors, and those who deliberately publish rumors will bear corresponding legal responsibilities.
Even if the child makes a mistake and actually hits the child with a car on the street and slaps the child very hard, what if the door is closed in the invisible place at home? How would you beat your child?
The police's handling is a bit of an understatement, the degree of beating has gone beyond the scope of educational corporal punishment, where are the people on the streets, where is the dignity and self-esteem of children? Does her flesh hurt? Does her heart ache?
With all these questions, whether the local women's federation and the street office should visit neighbors, relatives, friends, and school classes, whether the girl has been subjected to severe violent corporal punishment in life, and whether it is necessary to intervene?
Since she was photographed beating a child on the street, I hope she will receive some warning, not the so-called critical education.
Even if it is just once, it is necessary to give this mother a shock, and educating children is not this kind of education method. In the previous news, there were also many news that parents beat their children to death, and the impulse was a demon. The subjective speculation in the comments can also be understood, after all, few mothers can go down such a cruel hand, but it seems that it is too unfair to the "stepmothers", and the stepmothers are not all "vicious stepmothers".
The official notice has been clearly checked, it is the mother, not the stepmother who everyone speculates about hitting the child. After watching the video, I was really angry and rushed to the brain, and I was interviewed by the school, so I vented my emotions on the child? From the video, the child is also the age of elementary school, what is the matter, go home and slowly tell the child, help the child analyze right and wrong, help the child correct.
Also in the headlines to see @ Henan City Channel of a "search for a child", an 11-year-old girl ran away from home, did not carry a penny, has been four days, has not been found.
After becoming a mother, I couldn't see this kind of news the most, I was impatient, and I forwarded it in the circle of friends and several groups for the first time, and then carefully read some of the comments in the headlines, and my lungs were about to explode.
The child's parents at the same school said that the girl had left home once at the end of May last year, but was found the next day. This time it has been four days since she left home, the girl has four children, she is the third, it is said that she is often beaten at home, if she deliberately hides and does not let find, then the difficulty of finding is too great.
After reading this, I was speechless for a while, and I was really speechless! Yes, if home is a warm haven, who would be willing to run away from home? alas......
Really, on the one hand, I don't want parents to find the child as soon as possible, let the parents find a hurry, learn some lessons, and feel sad if the child returns to the home that scares her; on the other hand, she wants to find the child quickly, the child is too small, there is no money on it, what if she encounters danger outside? Thinking about the girl's situation, my heart was blocked. At this year's two sessions, a committee member proposed that parents should hold a certificate to work, and I really think it is too necessary, and the parents in the above two cases are too unqualified, and they are ashamed of their parents.
Ms. Montessori, M.D., an Italian early childhood educator, once said that every character defect is caused by some kind of mistreatment experienced in early childhood. Psychology also believes that any kind of mental illness, tracing back to the source, is a childhood trauma.
Teacher Bai Yansong once talked about family education in an interview: parents must bear at least 51% of the responsibility for their children's growth, and Chinese parents need to grow!
01 Traditional Chinese concept of education: "No fight can not be achieved", "filial piety under the stick"
Education, really is a highly professional behavior, in the pedagogy, child psychology, parent-child relationship development and other concepts are relatively outdated in the era, due to limited cognition, once the stick as an "educational artifact".
At present, some of our young generation of parents' educational concepts are still stuck in the traditional stage, if they do not learn advanced experience, do not get out of the ideological misunderstandings such as violent education, wait for the future, regret is too late.
Third-class parents manage their children with their fists, second-class parents manage their children with their mouths, and first-class parents manage their children with methods. Parents who are accustomed to educating their children with "fists", if the beating does not work, how to discipline?
What are the reasons why parents are easily angry? Do you realize that when we get angry with our children, we pay more attention to "children"? Is it "face"? Or are we venting our emotions?
Parents are human beings, of course, there will be emotions, but if we have the courage to face ourselves honestly, we will realize that scolding children is not because of love and education, but because of lack of self-management and effective communication skills. It is not the child who gets out of control of our emotions, but the unmet needs and traumas hidden deep within us from childhood to adulthood.
With this awareness, parents may be able to complete self-healing and growth in childcare.
02 When the child has emotions, what do parents do?
When emotions are unknowable, they are uncontrollable. When emotions can be accepted, they can be expressed fluently. When our child has emotions, guide and tell the child, what is his emotion at the moment, is it anger? saddened? lose? happy?
When a child is able to recognize his own emotions, he is able to express his own emotions, which often means that he may also be aware of the emotions of others, and empathy will occur.
Root causes: 11 skills for communicating too little parent-child communication Use language that children can understand; use the communication style that children like; use language that children are willing to accept; pay attention to children's reactions and attitudes; experience children's feelings; understand the child's degree of development; pay attention to the way of answering; avoid using negative meaning tones; pay attention to children's non-verbal reactions; often change fresh topics; and enrich children's life experience.
03 The harm of "stick education"
Today, various educational achievements and concepts have been pioneered, and it is long overdue for a comprehensive wake-up call to stick education. Corporal punishment not only brings children the pain of flesh and skin, but also brings harm to psychology.
1. Any "stick education" that does not respect children is illegal. The Education Law stipulates that "corporal punishment of students is prohibited", and the Compulsory Education Law repeatedly emphasizes the need to respect and care for students. The Law on the Protection of Minors stipulates: "Teachers and staff in schools, kindergartens, and nurseries shall respect the personal dignity of minors and shall not inflict corporal punishment, covert corporal punishment, or other acts that insult personal dignity on minors." No matter how moving the so-called "love mask" of parents and educators is, the laws of education cannot be built on the platform of violating the law and discipline, and only education that is legal, reasonable, legal and reasonable in educational behavior is good education.
2. "Stick education" will bring serious trauma to the beater. Most people think that a few hits, it is okay, our traditional education rules are, "hitting is close to scolding, not hitting and not scolding is far away", blindly emphasizing the effect of hitting, while ignoring the child's physical and mental injuries and heavy injuries. For example, corporal punishment and violence can affect children's intellectual development, and a study by the University of New Hampshire in the United States found that children who have never been beaten or rarely beaten perform much better on intelligence tests than children who are often beaten. In the 5 to 9 age group, the average score of those who are often beaten is 2.8 points lower than that of children who do not beat.
Other studies have shown that children's lovers are negatively affected by prolonged corporal punishment.
Scolding education does have "quick management effect", but it erases the child's long-term development ability and happy development ability, although "fast", it is a kind of short-sighted education that kills chickens and eggs. This conclusion, drawn from psychological and experimental data, should be widely recognized by Chinese parents: corporal punishment is "harm", not "love". It cannot be continued.
3. Enlightened parents and educators should stand at the height of world education, understand education, and carry out respect and happiness to the end.
Education in Western countries has long implemented respect to the details and implemented to the height of "no corporal punishment". For example, the United States and other countries have implemented a mandatory reporting and rescue system for violent godsons, and the United States has also set up a hotline to receive complaints of domestic violence against children, and the special operators of the child protection department are responsible for answering the complaint hotline.
With the best and best interests of the child as the highest principle, specially trained staff members receive reports of corporal punishment at home, conduct a preliminary assessment of the report, determine whether the report is effective and whether the investigation is necessary, the police or social worker intervene in the family corporal punishment in a timely manner, the court makes a judgment against the corporal punishment person, provides services for the child, and the government provides services in both family crisis intervention and community intervention.
Respect your child to do the following 8 points
Really invest feelings and play with children;
Do not lend the child out of anger;
Encourage children to have their own opinions;
Carefully answer the questions raised by the child;
Listen carefully to what the child wants to narrate;
The child does not interrupt when speaking;
Let the child answer other people's questions on their own;
Keep your promises
Child psychologist MarkBu Riley said: Children's growth is a process of exploring the world around them, but also a process of constantly making mistakes, they are learning lessons from various 'bad problems', and gradually know how to distinguish between right and wrong. Because when the child faces mistakes or setbacks, there will be some conflicts in the heart, experiencing fear, anger, anxiety and other emotions, which will prompt him to think about how to deal with and face the situation in which he is located, so that the child will learn responsibility and intelligent coping methods from making mistakes.
The child is like a seed, and our task as parents is to give it sufficient and suitable nutrition at the stage of its rooting and germination, help it root deep enough and stable enough, and prepare the future child to face all this alone.
Please know how to guide and respect, and accompany your child's growth with tolerance and patience.
【Tiger Girl said】Original article, reprint please contact the author, thank you!