When a child takes the penultimate exam, what should parents do?
When a child enters a rebellious period, how should parents better communicate with him?
When the educational concepts at home are inconsistent, who should the child listen to?
……
There are ways to raise children, the following 7 cartoons, I believe you can be inspired. Whenever you feel confused about how to raise a child, you may wish to take a look at it and learn these kinds of family education methods.
1
Mom is respected by the family
When there is only one clock, people can know the time accurately; when there are two or more clocks, it will confuse the watcher and lose the judgment and confidence in the accurate time.
In the same way, a family can only have one set of parenting methods. When the attitude of adults is not uniform, children will also have confusion, and even watch people do things, and behave particularly willfully in front of people who spoil him.
In a family, if the mother is the main educator role, when discussing parenting methods, the decision should be left to the mother.
Does what Mom says have to be right? Of course not. But it is undeniable that mothers are often the ones who are most attentive to their children's education. Maybe some of her points are not absolutely correct, but we need to give her full respect and understanding to seek a better solution together.
Raising a child is not a matter for the mother alone, this respect, is not to throw the pot to the mother, let her take on all the responsibilities and obligations, but to listen to her opinions, implement her philosophy, and better help the child grow.
Even if you think that the mother is wrong, don't contradict her in front of the child, so that the ultimate harm is the child's growth.
2
Families who are good at positive feedback
The famous white bear experiment goes like this: Participants are asked to imagine anything in their brains, but they just can't think of white bears. After the experiment, everyone admitted that the image of the white bear came to their minds. "Don't think of the white bear" became a signal in the ears of the participants, and the more they were not allowed to think about it, the more they thought of it.
The same is true for raising children, children have a stage of working against their parents, and the more you emphasize not letting him do anything, the easier it is to induce resistance in his heart.
Parents can try to reduce negative words, reduce the tone of urging and commanding, and replace negative words such as "no" and "no" with a positive declarative word.
For example, replace "Don't lie down and read a book, it's not good for your eyes" with "Sitting and reading a book is good for your eyes."
For example, replace "Hurry up, don't always grind and rub" with "School time is coming, check that everything is packed?" ”
In life, parents use positive, positive language, and children are more likely to receive positive signals.
3
A family that can control emotions
A father, who was criticized by his boss for no reason at the company, returned home and had a fight with his wife. The angry wife turned around and scolded the child who was jumping around on the couch. The child's heart was on fire, and he kicked the cat next to him fiercely. This is the "kicking cat effect" in psychology.
When people are depressed, the negative energy on the body will be transmitted sequentially along with the relationship chain, and everyone is a link in the chain of the cat kicking effect. Those innocent weak and weak can easily become the ultimate victims.
In the process of raising children, parents will of course have times when they can't control their emotions, but there are also many times, in fact, it is not the child's fault, but the adults themselves with emotions, so that the child acts as an innocent "cat".
When emotions come up, it is easy to inadvertently say hurtful and cruel words. When you feel like you can't control your emotions, try "bathroom time" – rush to the bathroom, close the door, take a deep breath, look in the mirror, and see if you are particularly struggling under the anger. It is best to wait for the bad emotions to pass before educating the child.
4
Families are often encouraged
There is often such a phenomenon in life: when making demands on people, if you put forward high requirements at the beginning, it is easy to be rejected; and if you first make a small request, the other party agrees and then increases the weight of the request, it is easier to achieve the goal, this phenomenon is called the "threshold effect". The threshold effect can be well applied to parent-child education.
A boy who took the penultimate exam and thought that he would be severely criticized when he returned home, but his father not only did not criticize, but said to him: "Congratulations, you have no burden from now on!" The boy didn't understand, was Dad angry? Dad said, "You think, you're the last one now, and you're never going to back down." As long as you run forward, you will definitely improve. "With his father's encouragement, the boy quickly rose to the penultimate place, followed by the tenth to the bottom, the positive number second... Gradually surpassed more and more people.
In fact, the gap between children is not large, sometimes they just lack encouragement and confidence. As a parent, please do not be anxious, help your child set a small goal, and affirm and encourage them in time after they achieve it; and then gradually improve the requirements to help your child find self-confidence and experience the joy of every progress.
5
Criticize the family with a degree
The famous writer Mark Twain once listened to the pastor's speech, and at first felt that the pastor was very good, very moved, and planned to donate; after 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, he began to get impatient, and decided to donate only some change; after another 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking, and he decided not to donate. When the speech finally ended and began to collect donations, he was so angry that he not only did not donate anything, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate.
Too much stimulation, too long, it is easy to make people have a rebellious psychology, resulting in behavior that deviates from normal thoughts, which is the over-limit effect in psychology.
In the same way, when a child makes a mistake, the parents criticize the same thing once, twice, three times, or even many times, which can easily make the child go from guilt and uneasiness, to impatience, and finally disgust. If you are "forced to be anxious", there will be a reverse psychology of "I prefer this".
Parents should not criticize their children beyond the limit, make a mistake once, and seriously criticize once. If you have to criticize again, it is recommended not to simply repeat it. You can try a different angle, another way of saying it. In this way, the child will not feel that the same mistake is always being held on.
6
Give children a chance to win for families
Scientists put two mice into a pipe that can only be passed by one mouse. Two mice face each other, one wants to pass, the other needs to be pushed out of the pipeline. The researchers stimulated the synapses of the prefrontal lobe brain region of the vulnerable mice with a laser, and then a miracle happened, and the weak mice successfully pushed the other one out of the tube.
Next, whenever the researchers were given external help, the vulnerable white rats were able to win. What's even more surprising is that when the researchers stop helping, the vulnerable mice can still win on their own. This suggests that the victory under the artificial stimulation of the early stage changed the brain connection of the mouse, helping it complete the counterattack. A successful experience can help more success later.
If we want our children to continue to improve, in addition to encouragement, more importantly, let them have the experience of victory, and the more victories, the better.
You can start with what your child likes and is good at to help them experience success. When children face defeat and frustration, give them positive psychological cues to awaken their desire for victory and thus exert the winner effect.
7
Optimistic and positive family
In the field of education, there is a well-known "tenth place effect". In 1989, Zhou Wu, a primary school teacher in Hangzhou, attended a gathering of graduating students, and he found that those students who mixed well did not have outstanding results that year, on the contrary, the students with outstanding achievements that year achieved mediocre results. So he spent 10 years tracking down 15 students and found an interesting phenomenon:
In the top 5 students in the primary school class, 43% moved backward after entering secondary school; 81.2% of the 7-15 students in primary school moved forward after entering secondary school. He concluded that the tenth place was more successful than the first place. This statement has been recognized by many teachers, and some even said, if your child is the first place, then don't let him work so hard, retreat to the tenth place, and have more success in the future.
Of course, this statement is not scientific enough, but it gives us a good inspiration, that is, children's grades are dynamically changing. Poor results now do not mean that the future is not good, and it does not mean that the future is not good.
Parents may wish to take a long-term view, no matter how many children are currently in the first place, there is hope, the key lies in the future.
I have seen a saying: destroy a child, defeat him once is enough. This is a place that many parents tend to overlook. The child is not "good" enough, in order to make him better, so criticize him, scold him and yell at him, hit him.
But on the road of parenting, our relationship with children is not enemies, but teammates, teachers and students, guides and followers, is a community of destiny in the same boat, and never stand with difficulties and defeat your own children.
A good parent-child relationship should be like this:
Stand with your child, appreciate his shining points, accept his inadequacies, allow his vulnerability, share the joy of success together, and always have tolerance and hope for his future.
Source: Qian Zhiliang Studio
Past periods and recommendations
"Wuhou District Parent School" has started!
Growing up with their children, the "Wuhou District Parent School" will officially open tomorrow
Wuhou District 2022 winter vacation hosting service is coming!
The first winter vacation after the "double subtraction", these homework go "new" more "heart"
3 new ones! Come and see where you are
Heavy! The 2022 primary one enrollment and primary school entrance policy was released