Eighteen-year-old Sky | author: Fifty Roses

Floral | works by Lan Yunfeng

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The curtains were drawn in the room, and it was quiet and cool, and I was sitting in front of the window, burying my head, reviewing my homework under a small lamp. Behind me, a dozen children were napping.

Suddenly, without looking, I knew it was a mischievous little tiger. The little tiger is energetic and often does not take a nap, either secretly playing in bed or getting up to tease the children next to him. If you don't stop him, you may wake up all the children.

I was about to get up when I overheard a childish voice whispering, Little Tiger, don't move, close your eyes and go to sleep, Auntie is writing her homework. It was Fifi's voice. This child was like a little adult, so sensible, it was painful, and I really wanted to go and hug her.

Fei Fei was just five years old, from Tianjin, and the situation at home was unclear, and she did not know why she lived at her aunt's house in Xi'an. Her uncle was the same age as my father and worked in the same unit, but the two were not very familiar. Every day at work, my uncle sent Fifi to kindergarten and took her home after work. Fei Fei has snow white skin and large eyes, is a full little beauty, speaks standard Tianjin dialect, and is very good. Perhaps from a big city, Fifi is not only well-behaved and sensible, but also bold, and even the chubby little tiger is afraid of her three points. Fifi is not only beautiful, but also has a crisp voice and sings well.

Now that I think about it, Fifi's understanding of things was caused by the environment she was in at the time. A child who is far away from her parents, only five years old, lives under the roof of someone else's house, so she has learned to look at her face and act from an early age. But at that time, I didn't understand this, and I only felt that Fifi was mature and painful. And I, for eighteen years, have been living with my parents, still not satisfied, but also because of work and college entrance examination, dissatisfied with my parents.

I remember that day, as soon as I heard that the college entrance examination scores had come down, I rushed to the school. I squeezed through the crowd to the red list, looked at it several times from top to bottom, and didn't see my name. Deaf and pulling my head, I walked out of the school, looking at the vast sea of people in nowhere. I was afraid to go home and face my parents who had placed hopes in me.

But where can I go, penniless? I wandered aimlessly for two hours, waiting until I was hungry before returning home with a hard scalp.

When my parents saw that I was depressed, they understood everything, my mother did not squeak, my father only said one word, even if I was not admitted, let's go to dinner! I held the rice bowl, and the tears dripped into the bowl and splashed small ripples. Didn't get into college, I don't know what to do in the future? I finished my meal crying and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next day, I washed the dirty clothes of the whole family, cooked and sanitated, and when I was done, I took out my textbook to review my homework. I don't accept defeat and want to take the exam again next year.

But my parents didn't think so, and they didn't ask for my opinion, so they went around asking people to find jobs for me. Within a few days, my father found a temporary worker for me, went to work in the kindergarten, and said that this job was not easy to come by, and asked many people to cherish it. I said to my parents, please believe that after another year of revision, I will definitely be able to get in, I am sure of this. Both parents kept their heads down and did not speak, apparently disagreeing.

That night, I lay in bed crying until midnight, resenting my parents for not thinking about my future and obsessing over me to earn money. But once I miss the college entrance examination next year, maybe I will not have the opportunity to step into the university door in my life.

Resentment turned to resentment, but I could not dominate myself, and I could only obey my parents' arrangements and obediently went to work.

The kindergarten is very small, run by the father's unit, and is located in the yard outside the main gate of the unit. There is a headmaster, three houses, four aunts, plus a pedal organ. Don't look at it as small and simple, but it greatly facilitates the staff and solves their worries. When employees go to work, they send their children to kindergartens by the way, and after work, they pick up their children home by hand, pick them up twice a day, saving time, effort, and rest assured.

There were a dozen children in the kindergarten, the youngest was less than two years old, the older was five years old, and my task was to tell them stories, teach them to sing, take them to games, and watch them take a nap.

At two o'clock in the afternoon, the child was sent to kindergarten by his parents and began to take a nap, sleeping until four o'clock. These two hours have excited me so much. I brought in a desk and a chair and placed them in front of the window in front of the doorway, and after the children were asleep, I reviewed my homework.

At that time, Fifi followed me everywhere, like a little fart. At noon, Fifi also lay quietly in bed, as if asleep, but whenever a child woke up, she would make them quiet, like my assistant.

Most children, who have a common disease, do not want to come to the kindergarten once the holidays are over, and they do not want to be constrained. When parents go to work after the holiday, when they send their children, when they arrive at the kindergarten gate, the children either grin and cry, or drag their parents' clothes and do not let go. Fifi didn't, she always walked in silently, hung up her little bag, sat down quietly, and then stared at me with big flashes of her eyes.

One day Fifi's uncle was working overtime, and he was late to pick her up, and in the empty kindergarten, only the two of us were left. I was afraid that she was in a hurry, so I comforted her, it's all right, Auntie will always accompany you, waiting for your uncle to come. Fifi said disapprovingly, Auntie, I'm not in a hurry, I like to be with My Aunt. I asked her why? She looked up, stared into her big clear eyes and said, Auntie is like my mother!

My heart was hot, and I took her into my arms, and tears flowed down my face. No wonder, she clings to me all day, I take a vacation, the next day to work, she always has to snuggle up next to me and say, Auntie I miss you! I always thought that she said it casually and didn't take it seriously. I asked Fifi, is your mother in Tianjin? She shook her head, "Where did your mother go?" She shook her head again.

At that moment, in addition to hurting her, I also felt fortunate. I hadn't left my parents for a day in eighteen years, and I was much happier than Fifi. When I came home that night, I looked at my parents' white hair on their sideburns and felt guilty. They had to raise four children, and they were exhausted from eating and dressing, not to mention the tuition fees for school. I'm the eldest, I've graduated from high school, and I should share some of it for them.

One day in September, the director of the kindergarten returned from a meeting in the district and said that the preschool education system will hold a cultural performance to celebrate the National Day, calling on everyone to participate enthusiastically. Although our kindergarten is small and simple, no matter how small the sparrow is, it is also complete, and we also have to participate

Some aunts said that there are more than ten children in total, what program can we produce? The director of the park said, let Fei Fei sing "I Love Beijing Tiananmen", and then pointed at me and said, you accompany her.

As soon as I heard it, I was anxious, and I was busy saying to the director of the kindergarten, I can't play the organ well, I usually play ok, how dare I go on stage to accompany it? In fact, the pedal organ is a kindergarten decoration, and no one can play it. As soon as I came, I was very interested in it, because in school, I liked music lessons, I liked to listen to the organ, and I liked to appreciate the elegance of the music teacher when playing the piano. Sometimes, on the way to the class, I will play the keys when the teacher is not paying attention. When I got to kindergarten, I thought about it for a while, and I was able to play a simple song or two. Perhaps, because I can step on the sewing machine, the hands and feet are more coordinated, but when I accompany the children, I will also go out of tune from time to time.

The director of the park said that he could play the piano, but he did not ask you to win the award. Well, this task is entrusted to you, starting tomorrow, you take Fifi to practice tightly.

From the next day on, I sat and played the piano, and Fifi stood next to me singing, practicing over and over again. The empty music room is filled with melodious singing and piano sounds. The sound of the song and the piano, passing through the open window, flew toward the sky, attracting small birds, chirping in the yard, so it was not lively. While resting, Fifi snuggled up to me, sipped her mouth, and stared at me with watery eyes. I could feel that it was a blissful satisfaction.

After a week of rehearsal, we basically mastered the speed of the rhythm from the door to the beginning of the singing. On the day of the performance, Fifi put on makeup, wore a white shirt, a blue strappy skirt, white stockings, black leather shoes, and a bow on her head. I didn't wear makeup and was still wearing my usual clothes.

The show started, and I was shaking with nervousness. Growing up so big, I was still on stage for the first time, although it was just an accompaniment, it would also be exposed to the public, not nervous is fake. The head of the kindergarten kept comforting me, don't be nervous, we are not for the rank, just to show it. I glanced at Fifi, she was not afraid of the stage, she was still looking east and west.

It was our turn to play, and in the eyes of the director, I dragged Fifi up to the stage, bowed to the audience, and then sat down in front of the pedal organ and began to perform.

At the beginning, we cooperated with tacit understanding, the sound of the piano accompanied by the song, the song followed the sound of the piano, and the stage was quiet. But the incandescent lamp overhead, like the summer sun, shone down like the summer sun, making my head sweaty, and my fingers began to tremble. I said silently, don't panic, be calm, don't play wrong. I'm really afraid of what's coming. Suddenly, my fingers slipped and I played the wrong keys, and I was confused, and Fifi also sang out of tune.

After the performance, I pouted, didn't say a word, and pulled Fifi and the director back together. Fifi looked up at me and said, Auntie, don't be angry, let's go back and practice well, and come back next time with an award." I patted her head and nodded. Fifi held out her little thumb again and said, Auntie, come and pull the hook!

I finished hooking up with Fifila and she laughed, and I laughed too. The director said next to him, when it comes to the Chinese New Year show, I will register for you two early. Tell you, this time you must get the prize back.

But before winter, Fifi went back to Tianjin, never to return, and I lost contact with her. Half a year passed, I walked to the examination room again, but once again fell behind Sun Shan with a difference of thirty points. At the end of the year, I walked into the technical school, the predecessor of a technician college, and the university dream was completely shattered.

I graduated from school and was assigned to work in my father's unit, which happened to be in the same workshop as Fifi's uncle, and there was still contact at work. One day, I asked Fifi's uncle, uncle, fifi is okay, right? Is it time for second grade? Her uncle sighed, bowed his head, and said, "The child is dead!"

I was shocked and asked, how did I die? Uncle Fifi said that she was very good in our family, and the whole family liked her. I don't have a daughter, and when my sons are grown up, I raise her as a little daughter. But her father called and said that she should go to elementary school, could not stay in Xi'an, and must go back to Tianjin, and took her away. But less than a year after going back, the child suffered from encephalitis, and they did not go to show her in time, so they were delayed.

I narrowed my eyes and said, how could her parents be like that? alas! They weren't worthy of being parents, so when Fifi was three years old, my wife went to Tianjin and took her to Xi'an... Do not say! It's just that the child is too pity, too painful... At this point, Fifi's uncle burst into tears and choked up and couldn't go on. My eyes were moist and my heart ached like a knife cut.

Fei Fei's uncle wiped his tears and said that after Fei Fei returned to Tianjin, he once called me and said that he still wanted to come to Xi'an, miss us, and also want aunt He in kindergarten. Also said you like her, you are good to her...

Hearing this, my tears poured out like a flood of broken banks, and I covered my face and ran outside the gate to cry. For several days, as soon as I closed my eyes, it was Fifi's figure. One night, I was lying in bed and saw Fifi running toward me from a distance, and she was running and shouting, Auntie, I'm back! Auntie, I'm back! She ran up to me, looked up and said to me, Auntie, I want to kill you! I stretched out my arms to hug her, but I pounced, a spirit, I opened my eyes, it turned out to be a dream.

When I woke up that night, I stopped drowsy and came to the window and stared at the stars in the sky. Suddenly a small star winked at me, and I thought, it must be Fifi.

Now more than thirty years have passed, on the road of my life, many people have walked, some, walking and walking, scattered, like a gust of wind, drifting to the distance, becoming a passerby; some, walking and walking into a tree, staying around, becoming each other's dependence; and others, like premature flowers, have long been turned into dirt, but forever left in the heart.

When I was eighteen, the little fifi girl stopped in my heart and stayed forever. Fifi's life is short, but with pure love, I have been touched for a lifetime and let me understand the preciousness of family affection.

About author:Fifty Roses, a native of Xi'an, Shaanxi, is the editor of the Jiangshan Literature Network's Literary Society, the deputy editor-in-chief of Writers' Cradle magazine, and the editor-in-chief of huashan poetry society.