Source : Blue Oak
ID：blue_oak
Author: Scorpion
Taiwan has a very long-lived variety show "Who Comes to Dinner", which has been broadcast since its inception in 2008.
It's a reality show with a family story as the theme, one story per episode, with cameras focused on ordinary families, a mysterious guest as a guest, and dinner with family members.
The most recent episode focused on a family of 7 in the Tamsui area – a young couple who resisted the pressure of their elders and had 6 children in 10 years, 3 boys and 3 women, the oldest 10 years old, the youngest less than 10 months old.
The crowded living environment, the room is full of clutter, the children are noisy, I thought this was a very maddening episode, but the hostess Shi Wei took care of the big family with gentleness and love.
Brothers and sisters love each other, and the scene of families supporting each other makes people tear up.
Netizen commented: "I like this episode so much, especially the sincere eyes of the children who say that they 'feel loved'." ”
Some netizens commented that a water of praise
01.
Let's introduce the family first -
Mother Guo Shiwei, 39 years old, full-time housewife, is also a midwife who "gives birth gently".
His father, Hongxun, works as a housing agent in a Japanese-funded company and is the main source of income for the family.
The eldest sister Pan Xin, can speak the Tao, play a good piano;
The second eldest Yuehan, with a warm personality, is a master of housework;
The old fourth Mu Xuan, is the most lively child in the family, learning to dance, good at stretching tendons;
Old Wu Lizhe, a little boy who loves to spoil, the focus of the sisters' love;
Old Liu Yixuan is the big doll of the sisters.
How come there is one less?
It turned out that Shi Wei's third child, Peiyang, suffered a nursing accident when he was more than 40 days old, and was ineffective in sending him to the hospital for rescue, and died 1 month later.
Although the third brother died, the children still feel that he is one of the family members. They all said they had six brothers and sisters.
Just thinking about this big room of twittering children, I can't help but pinch a handful of sweat for Shi Wei, and she is indeed very, very hard, eager to break it in half in a minute:
While cooking for the whole family, he gave the fourth old mathematical oral arithmetic problem;
Tutoring children with homework;
Handling disputes between children;
She is a nanny, a driver, a teacher, a mediator, a wet nurse, and she is very busy with a dozen or five lives. But no matter how busy she is, in the face of children, Shi Wei is always full of patience and gentleness.
Shi Wei is not only super strong in time management, but also her education of children is textbook-level. I think that's also a big reason why she raised 5 children alone without the help of a nanny.
Distribute housework according to the child's ability to reduce the burden on parents.
In life, small trifles can also become great educational resources through reasonable arrangements, and doing housework is one of them.
In 2002, Marty Rossmann, a professor at the University of Minnesota who specializes in family education studies, published a study:
By encouraging their children to participate in housework, parents can have a very important positive impact on their children's future – cultivating a sense of responsibility, allowing them to put themselves in the shoes of others and learning empathy for others.
The three eldest girls have been trained by Shi Wei to be good helpers, and they can take shifts to help their mothers do things, especially the second eldest is very experienced in housework and enjoys the process.
Children earn paid by doing housework. Shi Wei's family has a salary record sheet posted on the wall, the child can earn a salary by doing housework from the age of 4, and the eldest sister and the second sister have saved a lot of private money for their mother to do housework.
When will I start training my child to do housework? Shi Wei said: "When he is willing to help and has the ability to help, let him do housework, don't care if he is perfect or not." ”
Proper "use" of children can not only share the housework, but also exercise them, which makes people can't help but sigh at Shi Wei's wisdom.
Children who know how to be grateful are more intimate.
What impressed me most was that Shiwei's children were very good at expressing love, and it was rare for them to praise and thank each other. This is very different from the style of our Chinese family of not saying thank you.
This is inseparable from Shi Wei's deliberate guidance.
On this day, the whole family went to the supermarket to shop together, the fourth looked at a curling knife, but his own savings were not enough, and when he was hesitating, the second sister took the initiative to say: "I fund you 20 yuan." ”
At dinner, Shi Wei encouraged the children to name a person they wanted to thank most today. The boss took the lead in speaking: "Today, the second sister funded her sister to buy a pencil knife for 20 yuan." ”
The fourth naturally picked up: "Makes me feel 'loved'." ”
On Grandpa's birthday, Shi Wei and the children made a rich lunch together. During the meal, they scrambled to express their gratitude to Grandpa.
Not "Thank you Grandpa" this kind of scene words, but specific to every detail: thank you Grandpa for taking us to the library, reading for us, thank you Grandpa for accompanying us to do leaf painting, accompany us to the playground to play.
The eldest sister, Pan Xin, is very talented in music, and she composes her own music and plays a song written to her father. Several children sang in unison: Thank you Dad for living hard, working hard, shielding us from the wind and rain... Thank you for your efforts.
The children were not shy to express their gratitude, and I believe that this was definitely not a deliberate arrangement of the camera for the show, but a natural result of the family atmosphere.
The president of Yale University believes that gratitude is a core competitiveness, because grateful people can better cope with the pressures of life and have stronger resistance. Even in difficult situations, they can find something beautiful, and others will like them more.
Affirming the efforts of others, expressing their gratitude, and making the friendship between brothers and sisters deeper and deeper. When children care for and help each other, the burden on the mother is small.
Trusting children is also giving yourself a holiday
We feel that raising a child is very tiring, many times because we take care of him, and the airtight maternal love is a burden on the child and the burden on the mother.
In families with many children, children may not receive a lot of attention from their parents, but there are also many opportunities to train their independence.
On this day, the eldest sister and the second sister of the Shiwei family went to Shilin alone on the subway to take piano lessons.
The second sister told us that the eldest sister was taken by her mother to take the MRT, and then she went to sit by herself, and she sat with her sister several times. Proficient in taking the subway, the girls occasionally go to bookstores, libraries, etc. alone.
Mom also taught girls what to do if they encountered bad people and how to deal with emergencies when they were away. Piano lessons are during the day, the road conditions are better, after Shi Wei has assessed the safety, what remains is the trust in the children.
While the eldest daughter goes to learn the piano, the other children are left to the care of relatives or fathers. Shi Wei will also give herself a holiday, run to the café to read a book, and being alone is shi Wei's self-empowerment.
There is no water in the empty cup, and the mothers have to take care of themselves first.
Shi Wei is also very experienced in handling children's disputes.
The sister took her brother's things, Shi Wei will not blindly accuse the sister of letting the younger brother, but teach the younger brother to accurately say his own ideas, and then tell the sister to learn to think in a different position, can not because she is a sister, you can bully the younger brother, to apologize to the younger brother.
Children in families with many children, with multiple identities, are younger brothers, younger sisters, older brothers, and younger brothers. If properly educated, they will excel in interpersonal relationships.
02.
Looking at Shi Wei's passion for family life and her unconditional love for her children, it is hard for you to imagine that she was once deeply hurt by her original family.
Shi Wei's mother had never been married in her life, but she had three children, and she was one of the illegitimate daughters. Because her mother was busy with work when she was young and had no time to take care of her, she was sent to her mother's house to raise her at a very young age.
Fortunately, the nurse gave her unconditional love, and her love for Shi Wei even surpassed her own child.
"Living with my wet nurse's family made me feel accepted, gave me a great sense of security, and let me know that I was not an 'extra child.'" Speaking of the past, Shi Wei smiled and relieved.
Because of her mother's emotional setbacks, Shi Wei was once a person who did not believe in love.
Until he met her husband Xu Hongxun, he confessed to Shi Wei, and he sincerely said to Shi Wei: "Maybe I can't understand you, but I will accompany you to go down and slowly understand you", which deeply touched her.
Because of her own childhood experience, Shi Wei feels that for a child, the mother's attention and love at an early age have laid the foundation for the child's happy life.
So she decided at the beginning that she wanted to become a stay-at-home mom and that she had a child and had to bring her own.
In fact, at the beginning, the couple did not want to have so many children, but the unexpected death of the third child made them realize the fragile and uncontrollable parts of their lives, and also greatly changed the way they looked at life.
During that time, how they hoped that the child would wake up, and the child's cry was "natural" in Shi Wei's ears.
"I wish I could hear my child crying every day, and I didn't expect my child to cry so much." Speaking of this, Shi Wei burst into tears.
The birth of every child is a gift from Heaven, not a burden.
The youngest child, Yi Xuan, was born in their bathroom, and instead of going to the hospital, they invited the midwife to their home. Accompanied by her family, Shi Wei completed a "gentle production".
"He's so cute! Li Zhe, you are a brother! ”
Children enjoy participating in the birth of new life. They accompanied their mother, celebrated the arrival of their brother, and sang birthday songs.
Shi Wei's six children were all born in an environment of "gentle production". The so-called gentle production is to be born in a closer natural situation with the help of medical help. She believes that the children's physical health and emotional stability may be related to this way of producing.
03.
Taking care of such a big family, Shi Wei and Hongxun enjoy it, but they also have troubles. Their main problem comes from the incomprehension of their elders.
Although Grandpa and Grandma liked their grandchildren very much, they also felt sorry for the couple's hard work and were afraid that they would continue to have children.
Grandpa said: "A car can only sit 7 people, and no matter how many students really can't sit down." ”
Grandma said: "Waiting until the children go to college will inevitably carry heavy student loans, and I don't want the children to be in debt as soon as they graduate from college." ”
Her husband, Hong-hoon, is not too worried about the future, believing that the children are now in balance with love and material things, and he also strives to persuade his parents to understand their choices.
Shi Wei resisted the pressure, was not afraid of gossip, and became a counter-current of the times.
Although she did not receive unconditional love in her original family, she still bravely passed on her love to the next generation through self-healing. The gentle and firm expression is touching.
Now that each family has fewer and fewer children, the choice of Shi Wei and his wife can be said to be different.
One might argue that the environment of multi-child families is unfair to each child and deprives children of their right to a high quality of life and quality educational resources.
But looking at every child in Shi Wei's family, there is light in their eyes, emotional stability, and they have not only the love of their parents, but also the love of their brothers and sisters.
You will know that happiness has no standard answer, living with heart and cherishing the people around you is all meaning.
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