Ph.D. in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology from Wuhan University, Postdoctoral Fellow at the National University of Singapore (NUS), a mind to engage in scientific research, amateur writing is not wasted, and strive to surprise you.
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In 2021, the state implements a three-child birth policy.
When everyone is chatting about whether to give birth to a second child or a third child, a voice can always be heard:
Now where to have children is so easy, no money, no energy, having three children does not dare to think at all!
This may speak to most people's minds: it's easy to have children, it's hard to raise children.
Raising three children, that requires a lot of money.
The parents are busy making money, and where is the time and energy to take care of the three children.
Therefore, many people say that having more children is the business of rich people.
However, a post-80s couple in Taiwan, husband Xu Hongxun, wife Guo Shiwei, they are not rich.
Not only did he have 6 children in 10 years, but he only raised them on the strength of his own family.
The idea that rich people dare to have more children is broken by them.
(Xu Hongxun, Guo Shiwei and their children)
The family participated in a reality show in Taiwan, "Who's Coming for Dinner," which gave a comprehensive presentation of their family life.
The oldest child is 10 years old and attends elementary school; the youngest is only 10 months old and cannot walk yet.
The 6 children were brought up by the husband and wife, without the help of the elderly and without the help of a nanny.
Although the environment where the family lives is somewhat crowded, the children get along very harmoniously and lovingly.
There was no mess of graffiti on the walls, no toys scattered on the floor, and the sofas and coffee tables were clean.
The mother-in-law praised her daughter-in-law: "The children are very well-behaved, and she teaches very well." ”
Netizens said bluntly: "This mother is the ceiling of the baby world." ”
Not only were the couple not "tired" by the child, on the contrary, they did not have enough children and wanted to have another one.
As ordinary office workers, why are they so cattle?
(Home of Mr. and Mrs. Xu Hongxun Guo Shiwei)
His wife, Guo Shiwei, is a native of New Taipei City, Taiwan, and lives in Tamsui.
The 39-year-old is a "gentle delivery attendant" who works in a hospital and is also a mother of 6 children.
(Guo Shiwei)
Her husband, Hsu Hong-hoon, is an employee of a Japanese real estate agency, and the family's main source of income depends on him.
Guo Shiwei married late, and when she gave birth to her eldest daughter, she was nearly 30 years old, which was also an advanced maternal age.
In the next 9 years, she gave birth to three more boys and two daughters.
(Hsu Hong-hoon)
As the saying goes, a mother gives birth to nine sons, and nine sons are different.
The same is true of several children in the family, with very different personalities and different strengths.
The eldest daughter, Xu Panxin, has short neat hair, which makes her look a little boyish.
Although she is only 10 years old, as the eldest in the family, she is already like a little adult, she can help her mother to do a lot of things, and she is her mother's most powerful little helper.
Doing laundry, cooking, tidying up the housework, taking a taxi alone to buy groceries, taking my sister to school on the tracks, watching teeth...
And her favorite thing to do is play the piano.
She has been practicing piano since she was 4 years old and has won many awards.
When she is tired of practicing, she will directly use the "lower waist" movement to self-regulate.
She is also a thinking child who can clearly analyze the problems she encounters when playing the piano:
"It's going to be hard when you're going to go from something very bad to something you can listen to."
(Eldest daughter Xu Panxin)
The second daughter, Xu Yueting, is two years younger than the eldest daughter.
The hair is neatly combed, the bangs are neat, and the two low ponytails are tied into three sections with leather bands, which are playful and cute.
At the age of 8, she is particularly sensible, clean, and a capable houseist.
I saw that my mother had to take care of my younger siblings and was busy with housework.
She would often take the initiative to tie up her apron and learn to wipe the floor and wash the dishes like her mother.
With her help, my mother saved a lot of effort.
(Second daughter Xu Yueting)
The fourth daughter, named Xu Muxuan, is 5 years old this year and is the eldest of three daughters.
She is lively, cheerful, smiley and loves to dance.
Because she has learned to dance, she can pull her waist and tendons anytime and anywhere at home, and she can often be seen practicing dance at home.
(Fourth daughter Xu Muxuan)
The fifth child is a boy named Xu Lizhe, who is 4 years old.
Don't look at him as a boy, but not as mischievous as the average boy, his personality is more gentle and delicate.
She likes to be cute and grow up under the double love of her parents and sisters.
The three sisters liked him very much and always loved to dress him up, braid him and wear skirts.
But he prefers to stick to his father and grandfather.
(Old Five Xu Lizhe)
The youngest son, Xu Yixuan, is still a baby who can't talk or walk, only 10 months old.
He is the favorite "big doll" of his brothers and sisters, who can cry, laugh and move.
He was born in the bathroom of his home under the watchful eye of his father and older siblings.
During childbirth, the husband held Guo Shiwei in his arms behind him, and the four children gathered around the bathtub.
Under the guidance and help of the midwife, Liubao was born smoothly.
Listening to Liu Bao's crying, the sisters excitedly said to the fifth brother, "He is so cute!" Li Zhe, you are going to be a brother, are you happy? ”
Xu Hongxun hugged Guo Shiwei tightly and said, "It's hard", at this moment, heartache and happiness are intertwined.
After comforting his wife, he said to the children, "Let's sing a birthday song for my brother!" ”
The family welcomed the arrival of the Six Treasures with a song.
(Old Six Xu Yixuan)
Here I have to mention that the old third Xu Peiyang, who cannot appear on camera.
He is the eternal pain in the hearts of Xu Hongxun and Guo Shiwei.
That morning in 2014, Guo Shiwei has always remembered it clearly.
As usual, she was caring for her 40-day-old son, Xu Peiyang, who suddenly lost his breath and heartbeat.
The couple rushed the child to the hospital for rescue.
(Old Third Xu Peiyang)
Recalling the child's incident, Guo Shiwei burst into tears.
When children are young, parents are most afraid of hearing their children's cries.
As soon as the child cries, the adult is anxious, does not know what the child wants to do, and is worried about whether the child is sick and uncomfortable.
But Guo Shiwei said:
"At that time, I wished I could hear my child cry every day, and I never expected my child to cry so much."
The child lived in the hospital for more than a month, and she prayed every day that their child would wake up and cry loudly.
But her seemingly simple wish never came true.
Xu Peiyang did not wake up.
(Guo Shiwei recalls losing her son Xu Peiyang)
The departure of the child had a great impact on Xu Hongxun and Guo Shiwei and his wife.
For the first time, they truly felt the fragility of life, and for the first time, they realized that there would be parts of life beyond our control.
For the first time, the husband and wife have the same feeling: it turns out that it is grace that the child will breathe, that it is grace to cry, and that it is grace to cry.
It also makes them cherish the time they spend with their children.
Even if you are bitter and tired, you must try to accompany your child and give your child all your love.
However, although the third elder is no longer alive, his family will always have his place in their hearts.
When someone asks how many children there are in the family, everyone in the family will answer, "Six." ”
After losing a baby, the couple especially cherished the arrival of each life, and they felt that it was the happiest thing to grow up with their children.
Therefore, after giving birth to the Six Treasures, Guo Shiwei did not let her in-laws come to help.
She insists on taking care of her children and tutoring children, and she wants to give her children the best care and companionship.
When her husband goes to work, she surrounds her five children every day and lives a "dozen five" life every day.
(Guo Shiwei's daily life of "one dozen and five")
For moms, taking care of a baby can sometimes be a crush.
And she took care of five at once, and as you can imagine, the home must be a messy scene.
However, their home does not appear such a picture, but everywhere is very tidy.
As her mother-in-law said, her mother taught well, so the children were very well-behaved.
Taking care of five children, Guo Shiwei often wears several hats.
She is a wet nurse, nanny, driver, tutor, mediator, and friend of the children.
As a result, she developed a skill.
Three meals a day, taking care of the baby is her duty.
In addition, Guo Shiwei is also responsible for the children's curriculum tutoring, including literacy and numeracy homework.
When the eldest daughter is practicing, she will take time to tutor the eldest daughter to play the piano.
What cannot be learned in school, she will carefully guide the children.
When doing these things, it is often necessary to reconcile small conflicts between children.
No matter what the children do, she always maintains emotional stability, calm and patient reasoning with the children.
When dealing with conflicts between children, she does not reprimand anyone because she is older, nor does she favor anyone because she is younger.
She is good at guiding, not going to be a referee.
(Guo Shiwei tutored her eldest daughter to play the piano)
Once, the second sister Xu Yueling snatched the fifth brother's toy.
Xu Lizhe, who loves to be spoiled, hurriedly ran to Guo Shiwei to complain: "Just now my sister snatched my things." ”
Guo Shiwei did not reprimand her sister, but told her son: "You hum like this, no one can understand what you want to say." ”
Mom told him that he didn't need to yell when things happened.
Just express your thoughts clearly and let others know their attitude towards the matter.
Under the guidance of his mother, Xu Lizhe walked up to his sister and said with a serious face: "Sister, I don't like it when you snatch my things." ”
The second sister, Xu Yue, silently returned the toy to her younger brother.
(Guo Shiwei guides her son to deal with the problem)
At this time, Guo Shiwei said to her second daughter Xu Yueting:
"Do you like your brother stealing your stuff?" If you don't like it, please apologize to your brother. ”
As a result, the contradiction between the two children was easily resolved.
In life, how to teach children to learn to communicate and learn to solve problems on their own?
In fact, the best way is not to tell them the answer, but to let them do it.
Instead, guide them closer to the right answer and make their own choices.
Guo Shiwei's method allows children to naturally learn how to deal with relationships with others.
(Salary registration form pasted on the wall)
Many parents are reluctant to let their children do housework because they always think that their children are not doing well.
Guo Shiwei, on the contrary, the children in the family have to do housework, and let everyone take the initiative to participate.
She said:
"When he's willing and able to help, let him do the housework and don't care if he's done perfectly."
When the children of the Guo family reach the age of 4, they are eligible to join the ranks of "doing housework to earn a salary".
Children can volunteer to do housework.
This housework is not done in vain, it is to earn a salary.
In families with many children, older children may work more and will have the psychology of suffering losses.
In Guo Shiwei's home, whoever does the most housework can earn the most pocket money.
On the wall of the home there is a household salary record sheet, which records the children's housework and the corresponding money they can earn.
Every time you do housework, draw a circle in the table, two circles for a pair of signs, and one for 5 yuan.
In other words, every time you do two housework, you can exchange for NT$5.
(Second daughter who does housework)
The eldest sister and the second sister help their mother to do the most housework, and the money saved is also the most.
This reward system mobilizes children's enthusiasm for housework and urges them to be more willing to actively undertake housework.
With the children sharing the housework, Guo Shiwei can also free up more time to do other things.
And children experience the hard work of doing housework, and they will cherish their own labor and will not make the family a mess.
(Salary scale contents)
In Guo Shiwei's home, children often hang "I love you" and "thank you" on their lips.
The children did not hesitate to express their love, and they praised and thanked each other.
And this expression is from the heart, not just a simple form.
In the evening, Dad came home from a hard day at work.
The children would line up at the door to welcome Dad, and then hug Dad one by one to express their gratitude.
The eldest sister Xu Panxin also composed the music herself, played the songs written to her father on the piano, and sang with her younger brothers and sisters:
"Thank you Dad for living hard, working hard, sheltering us from the wind and rain... Thank you for your efforts. ”
At this moment, the father, no matter how hard it is, his heart is definitely full of happiness.
No matter how tired you are, you will be dispelled by the love of your child without a trace.
(Kids singing thanks to Dad)
Children also often express gratitude for helping each other.
When Guo Shiwei takes the children to the supermarket to shop, she lets the children decide what to buy.
Because the things that children value are finally paid with their own pocket money.
If they don't have enough money, the sisters can help each other.
The fourth elder liked a pencil knife, and when she wanted to buy it, she found that she did not have enough money, and she hesitated to buy it or not.
At this time, the second sister next to me said: "I can fund my sister for 20 yuan!" ”
Every day at dinner, Guo Shiwei will guide the children to express their gratitude to those who want to be grateful.
That day, the fourth sister said that she wanted to thank the second sister the most.
When mom asked her why, she said:
"My sister makes me feel loved."
A child who grows up in love is rich at heart, full of confidence and sunshine.
Therefore, although there are many children in the family, they are very harmonious, and every child knows how to be humble and grateful.
Even if you do a small thing for your child, your child will be grateful.
(Meal time)
On Grandpa's birthday, at the dinner table, the children rushed to thank Grandpa one by one.
Thank you Grandpa for picking leaves with me.
Thank you Grandpa for accompanying me to the children's playground.
Thank you Grandpa for taking me to the library.
Thank you Grandpa for reading to me....
Every seemingly insignificant little thing is precious to a child.
Because the child's heart feels the love that grandpa has for himself.
Seeing that Guo Shiwei has educated her children so educated, she is grateful.
Looking at the way she gets along with her children, you will feel that Guo Shiwei must have grown up under the care of her parents.
Actually, it's not.
It can be said that her original family hurt her a lot.
Guo Shiwei's relationship with her mother is not close at all, she has not received maternal love since she was a child, and she has never seen her father.
When she was a few months old, her mother was too busy with work to take care of her, so she sent her to the nanny's house.
It wasn't until the second grade of elementary school that she returned to her mother.
(Nanny Mother [left])
Luckily, the nanny was nice to her, even better than to her own biological daughter.
When she was a child, she loved to eat chicken loins, and the nanny would go to the market every morning to buy chicken loins for her.
She thought at the time that the nanny should be her mother.
Because there is no affection for her mother, after returning to her mother, the mother and daughter are full of contradictions.
When she was in high school, she learned of her origins.
It turned out that my mother was not married, and she was just an illegitimate daughter.
On the eve of college entrance examination, she and her mother had an argument over a small matter.
She ran away from home, with nowhere to go, and it was the eldest sister (the nanny's eldest daughter) who reached out to help.
After entering the university, he faced the embarrassment of dropping out of school because he did not have money to pay tuition.
At this time, it was the eldest sister who helped her and paid her tuition.
(Couple and eldest sister couple)
The nanny family gave her unconditional love, recalling the past, Guo Shiwei said:
"Living with my wet nurse's family made me feel accepted, gave me a great sense of security, and let me know that I was not an 'extra child.'"
Because of this experience, she was deeply aware of "raising a bigger child than being born".
"When I grow up, I know that my biological mother has her pain, or her hardships.
But to be honest, the child is very simple, that is, you spend more time with him, you pay him hard, you shed tears for him, you smile for him,
He will also be moved, in fact, this relationship will be very deep.
So, I decided at that time that I had children and I had to bring my own children.
I definitely don't ask a babysitter to bring it, because I know that raising is bigger than sheng. ”
However, because of her mother's emotional experience, Guo Shiwei did not believe in love when she grew up, nor did she dare to love, let alone have children.
Until I met my husband, Xu Hongxun.
His love allowed her to open her heart and accept love.
She began to believe that there was a love of a lifetime and a couple in the world.
Being able to form a warm home with a partner who truly loves you is enough to resist all the cruelty of life.
Xu Hongxun was born into a family loved by his parents.
Although the family is not rich, the parents love each other and support each other, and raise all the brothers and sisters to adulthood.
This gave him a realistic reference to his married life and confidence in running his future marriage.
When he met Guo Shiwei and learned about Guo Shiwei's experience, he said:
"Maybe I can't understand you, but I will go down with you, slowly understand you, get to know you." 」
His confession touched Guo Shiwei, and she accepted the relationship.
(Xu Hongxun Guo Shiwei when she was young)
The child is the crystallization of her and her husband's love, and it is also a testimony to her belief in love and self-healing.
In particular, when their third child died prematurely, Guo Shiwei was full of self-blame and guilt.
Both the father-in-law and the mother-in-law rushed to the hospital at the first time.
In the face of the sad and self-condemning daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law stepped forward to hug Guo Shiwei tightly and comforted her: "It's not your fault." ”
The father-in-law also followed and said, "No. ”
At that moment, she finally felt that she was not abandoned, and felt loved, which made her feel safe inside.
Mom left her wounds that year and has since been healed.
When telling this experience, Guo Shiwei was peaceful and happy: "It turned out that they really regarded me as their own child. ”
(Guo Shiwei's in-laws)
Love gave her the strength to resist everything, and she was no longer afraid of losing.
Therefore, the couple decided to have a few more children.
They regard their children as a gift of life, and they regard their children's healthy and peaceful growth as a grace.
However, the children's grandparents were opposed, always gently persuading them not to have any more children.
They worry that having so many children will definitely be hard in the future.
Grandpa said: "A car can only sit 7 people, and no matter how many students really can't sit down." ”
Grandma said: "When the children go to college, they will inevitably carry heavy student loans, and they do not want their children to bear debts as soon as they graduate from college." ”
(Grandpa and grandson)
For not giving the child enough material, Dad Xu Hongxun has his own opinion.
He said:
"It is enough to allow children to achieve a balance between material and companionship."
In addition to being responsible for making money, as long as the husband has time, he will help Guo Shiwei with the children.
Mr. Lu Xun once said:
"The meaning of the existence of parents is not to give children a comfortable and prosperous life.
But when you think of your parents, your heart will be full of strength and you will feel warm.
Thus having the courage and ability to overcome difficulties, and thus gaining the true joy and freedom of life. ”
Therefore, Xu Hongxun does not feel that the material is the most important in the family.
Like Guo Shiwei, he always believes that companionship and love are the most important.
For the management of marriage, he believes: "The support and tolerance between husband and wife, there is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. ”
He didn't just talk about it, but more about doing it, which gave Guo Shiwei the courage to have more children.
Guo Shiwei often sends her children to her grandparents' house or to her husband on weekends, and she goes alone to enjoy the weekend alone.
Whenever this happens, she will find a quiet café and read a book to enrich herself.
Or simply just go in a daze and spend a leisurely afternoon.
At this time, she is no longer a mother of 6 children, but herself.
Take a break from the tedious family life and enjoy this rare leisure time to alleviate the burnout of life.
This is the best love that Guo Shiwei has given herself.
Because only when a person loves himself well can he have the strength to give his family better love.
This is also the reason why Guo Shiwei has so many children, she can still move freely between family, work and children, and there is no imbalance or chaos.
In every aspect of her life, she did it just right.
In reality TV, there is also an impressive picture.
The children wanted to see the scene where dad proposed to mom, thinking that dad wouldn't take the kids' words seriously.
But unexpectedly, Dad Xu Hongxun actually secretly prepared!
While Guo Shiwei was sleeping, he secretly measured her finger size and bought the ring.
Next, he planned a weekend as a family camper.
(Family Camping)
While camping, the family sits around the campfire and plays games.
Heo Hongxun deliberately lost the game and then accepted punishment.
He took a small box out of his bag and said it was a cookie for his mother.
As a result, Guo Shiwei opened the box and saw a ring.
Amid the exclamations of his children, he proposed to his wife again:
"You've worked hard all these years, the rest of the day, are you willing to go with me?"
"I do, I do!"
After many years of marriage, the phrase "I do" can touch people's hearts more than "I love you".
How many people in reality are still willing to say the three words "I do" after many years of marriage without complaint?
Therefore, many times, not having more children is not necessarily a problem of no money and no energy to take care of.
It's a question of whether a woman is safe in marriage.
In marriage, men can give women enough security, whether rich or poor, women are willing to have children.
Because she knew that someone was standing with her.
Two people standing together is an iron wall, and there is nothing in life that cannot be overcome.
What's so scary about having one more child?
On the contrary, it should be a marriage of two people, but only the woman alone bears the wind and rain, and where does she get the strength and courage to fight against the difficulties.
In the end, a woman's courage to have children always comes from men.
Author: Zhu Xiaolu & Sanyan Gongzi
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