93.7% of respondents said that they should pay attention to words and deeds when dealing with their parents

At present, many family education concepts emphasize equal parent-child relationship. It is about to be the Spring Festival, and many young people are also going to celebrate the New Year with their parents. How do you usually get along with your parents?

A few days ago, the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center and the Questionnaire Network (wenjuan.com) conducted a survey of 2002 respondents, showing that 93.7% of the respondents agreed to pay attention to words and deeds when getting along with their parents. Respondents felt that acts such as casually talking back (65.5%), swearing at their parents (55.5%), and showing impatience with their parents (45.9%) were disrespectful to their parents. 81.9% of the respondents believe that children and parents should respect each other and consider issues from each other's point of view.

93.7% of respondents felt that they should pay attention to words and deeds when dealing with their parents

Zhang Yun (pseudonym), a sophomore at a high school in Beijing, said that he usually gets along with his parents very casually, "especially when getting along with his mother, he can say whatever he wants, and he can do whatever he wants, as long as he is not excessive or out of line, he will not be blamed."

Wang Hai (pseudonym), an office worker in Jinan, Shandong Province, gets along with his parents in a friendly way, "Everyone is more relaxed." We are equal in communication, and I can get positive incentives from my parents and be able to get along with them very relaxed. My parents would never ask for anything from me, they would ask for my opinion, and this was the case from childhood to adulthood."

"My mother is very tolerant of me, so I often call her no big or small, and I will call her by name and surname." But as I got older, I also learned to be measured, and when I saw that she was starting to get angry, I would accept it when I met well. Zhang Yun said.

In the survey, respondents felt that behaviors such as casually resisting (65.5%), swearing at their parents (55.5%), and showing impatience with their parents (45.9%) were disrespectful to their parents. Others include scornful of parents' ideas (42.0%), calling them by their first names regardless of the occasion (40.8%), interjecting arbitrarily (38.8%), and disobeying parents' ideas in major matters (26.8%).

Chen Youhua, a professor at the School of Sociology of Nanjing University, said that there are some problems in our traditional education model, but to some extent, it is also conducive to the inculcation of educational concepts and the cultivation of habits, and is conducive to the guardian's implementation of guardianship. Now we emphasize the construction of an equal parent-child relationship, which puts forward many requirements for parents, including their own literacy, educational philosophy, endurance, time, etc., but many parents do not have such qualities and conditions, so there are also some problems in the construction of equal parent-child relationship, resulting in from one extreme to the other, such as children lack of necessary discipline, more willful.

Wang Hai feels that respecting parents can not only look at superficial kung fu, nor is it equivalent to complete obedience, but should be that children understand their parents from the heart and help their parents within the scope of their ability. "I'm not good enough because I'm still not patient enough with my parents, especially when they mention the issue of my future career development, they always feel that they are more anxious than me, like they are forcing me, and they will be a little repelled."

In the survey, 93.7% of the respondents felt that they should pay attention to words and deeds when dealing with their parents, and 43.3% of the respondents felt that they should pay great attention. Only 4.6 percent of respondents felt they didn't need to pay attention, and 1.7 percent said it was hard to say.

81.9% of respondents believe that children should treat each other with respect for their parents

"Growing up, my parents had high hopes for me, and although they didn't say it explicitly, I could feel that they enjoyed bragging about me in front of others, which put a lot of pressure on me. I have always been afraid to tell them what I think, so I have to be a good boy who makes them proud, so I rarely tell them the truth for so many years. Xu Xin (pseudonym), a graduate student at a university in Beijing, said.

What are the reasons for some disrespectful parental behavior? 54.2% of the respondents believe that their parents themselves have not played an exemplary role; 46.3% of the respondents believe that young people are economically independent and have gained the right to speak; 43.3% of the respondents believe that respect is mutual, and parents do not let their children feel respect; 41.8% of the respondents feel that it is a side effect of the modern family democratic education model; 33.6% of the respondents believe that it is the reason for the child's personality; 29.6% of the respondents said that the pressure of life is too great and they lack patience with their parents.

Xu Xin said that parents always hope that their children can listen to their suggestions, it is best to obey absolutely, do not resist, "obedience" seems to be respect for parents, "so it seems that I respect my parents, but I think the real respect should be from the heart."

Zhang Yun believes that it is okay to play with his parents on the surface, but he must respect his parents in his heart. Filial piety comes first, respecting parents is what everyone must do, accompany them more, listen to what they say, give advice.

In the survey, 81.9% of the respondents believe that their children and parents should respect each other and consider problems from each other's position; 53.8% of the respondents suggested more communication and paying attention to listening to each other's ideas; 42.0% of the respondents believed that it was necessary to keep a distance and not interfere with each other too much; 17.3% of the respondents believed that they could do whatever they wanted and not be bound by traditional concepts.

Zhang Yun hoped that his mother would take care of him less and give him more freedom. "At the same time, give me more respect, respect my personal space and privacy, and don't always think about peeking at my phone."

Xu Xin hopes to love and respect each other with his parents, "Parents can express more love, and they can also pay more attention to and respect my real ideas and choices." I was first their daughter, and then their pride. I hope that one day I will be able to speak my inner thoughts naturally in front of my parents, and only by having the courage to express themselves can I strive for understanding."

"My parents respect me, so I respect them, reflect on what I did wrong, and try to correct it." Wang Hai said that my parents let me choose my lifestyle independently, and I would not impose pressure on me, but more to give advice and help. This is very close to my ideal mode of getting along.

Chen Youhua said that generations should strive to change some things in social interaction, understand and adapt to each other, and reduce intergenerational friction and conflict. But the problem now is that it's sometimes difficult to ask elderly parents to change some of the old mindsets and adapt to younger people. Young people should pay attention to the way they treat their parents, and cannot blindly ask their elderly parents to adapt to themselves. We should adopt a "different from the top" coping strategy, more traditional ways of getting along with parents, and more modern ways of getting along with children.

Of the respondents, 45.5 per cent were men and 54.5 per cent were women. 1.6% were under the age of 18, 74.7% were aged 18-35, and 23.7% were over the age of 35.

China Youth Daily, China Youth Network reporter Wang Pinzhi Source: China Youth Daily

Source: China Youth Daily