Children hate the 5 sentences said by their parents the most, and parents change them as soon as possible, and the sentences poke their hearts
The real goal of education is to make children happy and parents at ease
Nagging and preaching is counterproductive
As a parent, we must learn to face problems with our children and learn to respect their children's ideas, which is the best upbringing for children
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Recently received a lot of private messages from parents, I looked at it and found that most parents have the same problem
That is, children are disobedient, like to work against people everywhere, procrastinate in doing things, and do not seek progress in learning
Carefully studying the parent-child routine described by most parents, I found that the children have parents who have these manifestations
In the process of parenting, it is generally like to say something that negates the child, commands the child, and nags the child
The famous psychologist Susan Foward wrote in the book "Poisoned Parents":
"Children don't distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas."
For children, every word and deed of their parents seriously affects their cognition and behavior
Maybe a sentence you inadvertently said has deeply affected your child's life
The Institute of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and other institutions have jointly released the "Blue Book for Teenagers"
Among them, it is pointed out that the following 5 sentences, the more parents say, the more disgusted the child is
01
Hurry up and study/write homework to go
Like to urge children to write homework or study, is a common problem of many parents
Some parents have even reached the point where they are inexplicably mad when they see their children playing there, fearing that their children will fall behind others
There are also some parents whose children are slower in rhythm, and they are anxious
As a result, the more parents urge, the more rebellious the child is, and the less they want to learn
Why is that?
To figure this out, parents need to learn to think differently
When you start from the child's point of view, you will find out
The so-called urging seems to be good for the child, but it always reveals two other information:
One is distrust of the child, as if you do not urge, the child himself will not write homework, will not study
The second is that it will make the child feel that the parents just like the me who studies seriously and writes homework seriously, rather than the original me
Once the child forms such a cognition, he is bound to resent the parent's words
As a parent, the best way is to make an agreement with your child in advance
The time for studying each day and the time for doing homework are arranged in advance, and the rest of the time is left to the child's discretion
This can not only exercise the child's self-discipline ability, but also make the parent-child relationship more harmonious
02
You look at people XXX / learn other people is good or not
A few days ago, a friend told me about such a case:
A mother always hates her child's homework grinding and rubbing, and there are many things
Every time he writes his homework, the child either has to go to the toilet or drink water
As a result, the mother often scolded the child:
"Why do you have so many things, do you see that other students are like this?"
How do I put on a you, other people's children have good grades, and they are so conscious of learning, why don't you learn from others? ”
Unexpectedly, once the child scolded her back: "You envy other people's children, and I still envy other people's mothers."
Other people's mothers are beautiful and capable, and have their own careers, even if you know every day to stare at me."
The child's words suddenly made the mother dumb
Indeed, she was much worse than those mothers, which made her feel very sad
Remembering that she usually compared her children with others, she realized how cruel and annoying she usually was
There are not a few such parents in life
They always think that comparison will make children realize their own shortcomings and take the initiative to learn from others
But forget that such a comparison will not only not motivate children, but will make children feel inferior
Even gradually lost himself, unable to find his own direction
At the same time, they will also have doubts about their parents and feel that their parents do not like themselves at all
As a parent, remember not to always take other people's standards to demand your own children, and find more of your children's shining points
Encourage the child more, as long as the child finds self-confidence, then the future will not be bad
03
Don't play games/can't watch TV/don't play on your phone
In the eyes of some parents, children are absolutely not allowed to touch electronic products
However, the more parents do not let play, the more likely it is for children to be curious
When parents are not allowed, not allowed, and cannot be allowed, children will have a rebellious mentality
Some parents, even playing electronics for their children, will use force to solve problems
In fact, electronic products also have a good side
It not only allows children to relax appropriately after learning
It can even be turned into a learning product to help children learn
How do you shield your child from the negative effects and let your child get a favorable one?
This is not something that can be solved by blind prohibition
As parents, we can do that
First of all, make an appointment with your child to have fun, such as playing 1-2 hours a week
Second, cultivate children's other interests, such as reading, sports, and so on
When children's real lives are enriched, then their chances of indulging in the virtual online world will be consciously reduced
04
How can you be so stupid/so useless/really not out of breath
"Belittling education" is definitely nothing new in China
Many parents like to motivate their children by belittling them, and like to call their children "stupid", "not out of breath", "what can you do"
When I was in junior high school, there was a classmate in the class who was always clumsy
Later, he told me that the reason why he always did things was half a beat slower than others
It is because from childhood to adulthood, parents like to belittle him
The test results were not ideal, and his parents said "How can you be so stupid"
I accidentally bumped into something at home, and my parents said to him, "You are not a pig brain, you can't do anything."
When he was in kindergarten, a classmate bullied him, and he went home to tell his father
As a result, dad said to him: "You don't have hands, are you stupid?"
After being said for a long time, he is very inferior, and every time he does things, he is afraid of not doing well, so he is slow and leisurely, but the more worried he is, the more wrong he is
Over time, he also felt that he was not smart by nature
Yeah, kids who are always living in the negative evaluations of their parents, it's hard not to doubt themselves
In the long run, they will lack self-confidence, be afraid to do things, and always like to choose to give up when encountering difficulties and setbacks
As a parent, you must remember not to make personal attacks on your child when she makes a mistake
Learning to do things on the spot, encouraging and guiding them appropriately, is much more useful than labeling children
05
What else would you do besides eating and playing?
In addition to learning, a child's life should have something else
But for some parents, as long as their children do something else, they are not happy
They think that children are not doing their jobs and are not motivated
Talking always likes to pick a thorn
Children and classmates play ball after school
As soon as you go home, parents like to say, "Do you play or play every day?"
Children are in a hurry to share interesting things about what happened at school with their parents
Parents split their heads and cover their faces is a basin of cold water:
"Don't study well, what mess you pay attention to every day, you think about playing in your heart can't do it"
The child finished his homework and just lay down
Parents came over and criticized
"What about lying down and playing without writing homework?"
To be honest, parents do not ask about the wronged children
Not only will the child feel aggrieved, but it will also cause the child's rebellion, so that they deliberately confront the parents
Don't you hate me for always playing? Since I study hard and you can't see it, then I just play it
As a parent, we must start from the facts, and if the child behaves well, we must encourage him more and give him a little more freedom
If the child does not behave well, do not criticize the child at will, control your emotions, and communicate positively with the child
For example, replace the phrase "you know to play" with "You've been playing for so long, you should study hard."
Speak peacefully, and the effect of education will be much better
All said: a good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June
Parents must be cautious in words and deeds, think more empathetically, and consider their children's thoughts and feelings
Don't let your words turn into a sharp sword that stabs your child's sensitive heart.