Previous Article : "Why Are Children Not As Obedient as They Used to Be?", We learned that many parents have experienced many setbacks in disciplining their children, and some of the previously proven methods of discipline seem to have failed.
◎So how should parents adjust their discipline now?
A child who loves snacks and does not like to eat a meal may be punished by parents in the past, directly confiscating snacks and forcing children to eat. But in the face of such punishment, children rarely understand the importance of three meals a day, and are more likely to have anger towards their parents in their hearts and fight for their "rights" by crying.
At this time, if the parents change the way, a fixed number of snacks per day, if the child does not eat, only snacks, just tell him: you can choose not to eat, today's share of snacks to eat. The next meal is at 6 o'clock and you can go play.
Of course, the child will be hungry on the way, there will be more snacks, parents do not need to preach, just respect the child and comfort him: I know you are hungry, I believe you can survive to 6 o'clock.
Of course, the child may not be able to accept this way for a while, and will cry, more exaggerated, and worse than before to resist. Remember, then, that the child is just testing whether the old ways really don't work, and that we just have to go on kindly and firmly.
At this time, the child will slowly understand that the original sprinkling and rolling can not get what they want, the original snack without eating, will be hungry. I believe that for the next meal, without parental urging and without parental request, the child will consciously eat. Judging from this lesson, the child has also learned that the original willfulness needs to be responsible for himself.
Therefore, stopping the punishment does not mean that parents allow the child to do whatever he wants and turn a blind eye to the child's problems.
What parents need to do is to give their children the opportunity to experience the responsibilities directly related to their privileges, otherwise the child will only become a person who depends on and accepts, thinking that the only way to get a sense of belonging and value is to manipulate others to serve themselves.
If parents do not pay attention to cultivating children to be responsible for themselves, but are too doting on children, children can not learn from life to be responsible for themselves, and gradually will develop the concept of "parents do not take care of me is not love me", children become easy to external attribution, but also easy to become arbitrary.
When all of a child's intelligence and energy is devoted to manipulating others, rebelling and escaping, how can they be capable?
In addition, there are some children who have been in harsh, critical education discipline for a long time, and are likely to cause humiliation and pain because they do anything, and they believe that they should not try any more.
These children may deal with their fathers in a submissive and flattering way when they are young, but because they have never been given the opportunity to exercise and feel that they are capable, they have a deep belief in their hearts that "I am not good enough". During puberty and adulthood, these children devote a great deal of energy to rebellion and escape.
Therefore, providing opportunities for children to cultivate their sense of responsibility and self-motivation is the unshirkable responsibility of parents. Importantly, we need to understand that parent-child cooperation, built on the basis of mutual respect and shared responsibility, is far more effective than arbitrary control.
In a book co-authored by Dr. Ersson and Stephen Glenn, authors of Positive Education, Wesson and Dr. Stephen Glen propose seven important perceptual abilities and skills necessary to be a capable person:
1. Perception of personal competence – "I can do it." ”
2. Perception of my own value in important relationships – "My contributions are valuable, and people really need me." ”
3. Perception of my own power or influence in life – "I am able to influence what happens to me." ”
4. Strong introspection ability: ability to understand personal emotions, and can use these understandings to achieve self-discipline and self-control.
5. Strong interpersonal communication skills: good at cooperating with others and building friendships based on communication, collaboration, consultation, sharing, empathy and listening.
6. Strong overall grasp ability: with a sense of responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity to deal with the constraints of daily life and the consequences of behavior.
7. Strong judgment ability: Use wisdom to evaluate the situation according to appropriate values.
These seven items are indispensable abilities and skills for each of us. When we have these perceptions or skills, most of the bad behaviors disappear with them. Many children's bad behavior stems from the lack of "seven important perceptions and skills" mentioned above.
[p: In the next article, we will talk about how to be neither harsh nor indulgent in raising children]