01
It is impossible to imagine that in today's society, someone has not been to school before the age of 17, except for special groups, of course; it is also unimaginable that in today's society, someone still needs to rely on constant struggle to get to school; what is even more unimaginable is that the story itself takes place in the United States at the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century, a country that is much better at education than us. However, the story happens like this, and it is accompanied by a history of one's struggle, and at the same time, a history of one's evolution. The whole process of evolution is a process of continuous self-knowledge, and at the same time a process of constantly saying goodbye to the past. As the author mentions in the book, she never thought she could go that far. Many trajectories in her life, in fact, can see common ground in many people, some people choose to be brave, some people choose to compromise, some people directly admit it, and each choice will eventually bring us a different life.
The story begins with the author's father, whose family should have been one of many ordinary families, with a clever mother, a father who was a soldier, and the mother chose him because of his father's distinctive personality. The days after marriage should be normal at first, and then the father gradually began not to believe in the government, did not believe in everything in the real world, and did not let his children receive normal education, thinking that it was brainwashing of the children and living an isolated life with the family. The father always felt that the end of the world was coming, constantly holding a lot of things, and in the process of the child's gradual growth, he played the role of a loving father, but a hegemon. As his children, we cannot be ourselves, but we must obediently listen to him. It wasn't until many years later that the authors understood that this symptom was bipolar disorder. It's just that my father insists on the principle of not going to school and not seeking medical treatment. So, a long, long time ago, no one ever dared to say that my father was sick.
The whole story spans the author's childhood, adolescence, youth through to adulthood. Looking at it, it is as if I have watched a person's life. The ups and downs of this life, but I want to exchange for the words of my father or mother when I was bullied: protection. However, until the end, the author still could not get the protection from his parents that came from his heart.
Until the author began to go to school after the age of 17, under the guidance of books and the enlightenment of education, she gradually got rid of many values imposed by her father and began to form her own values. In the eyes of his father, in the eyes of his brother, this is betrayal. The father even felt that she was demonized, he wanted the daughter to convert to his hegemony again, and after the final failure, he began to tell everyone around him not to associate with the daughter, because she had been demonized. On the cover of the book, the author writes: "I know that an ignorant girl like me who crawled out of the garbage heap should be grateful to Zero for what she has achieved today." But I can't bring up the enthusiasm at all. "Yes, at the end of the story, it is not like a fictional novel to give us a good ending, although the author meets a better self in this process, but the collapse of those encounters, the process of self-doubt has always remained in the heart, and many times in life will always jump out, so that she becomes sensitive because of the hurt she has been hurt, and all of this is still not healed. If so, for the rest of my life, may these wounds of the author be healed, in any way.
02
There is no denying that in the path of our growth, the values of our parents will probably become our values as we grow up. "Parents are the first teachers of children", so many times, parents' values, preferences, and personalities will affect the growth of their children. I remember the host Dong Qing said: "What kind of child you want your child to become, as a parent, you must first become what kind of parent." "This is the role model for parents.
Similarly, on the road to growth, parents not only have an exemplary role, but also a guiding role. Every life is a special individual, and we can't make our children grow into our replicas. After setting an example of how to grow up, it is necessary to teach children how to grow. Many parents still have a misunderstanding, always think that they have a child, and then give him food and clothing, then grow up this child has to obediently listen to his words, this is not love, this is a kind of control. As a parent, you have to teach your child how to see the world, how to shape the three views, and how to be a good person.
Each of us has more or less raised flowers, or raised pets, we all know that sprinkling seeds, flowers will not bloom naturally, pets brought back is not very well-behaved at the beginning, these are the things that need our time to cultivate. Children are the same, we need to spend time to cultivate well, the future may become talents.
The author's parents, the father is the only overlord in the family, the mother obeys him unconditionally. Father insisted that his ideas were always right, and never allowed others to deny his views. Even if there have been two car accidents at night, injuring the people around him, my father will still choose this later. Even if his mother was injured in a car accident and the author's brother was seriously injured in a car accident, the author's father still insisted on "not seeking medical treatment", allowing his injured body to get better and handing over his life to God's will. Later, the author's other brother also had a car accident because of driving a motorcycle at night, and after a serious head injury, the author's father still insisted on taking him home, and finally the author chose to send his brother to the hospital, saving his life. But this was in the father's view as a rebellion against him.
The father's tough personality was actually inherited from his brothers, such as Sean. Growing up, because of their father's example, they were accustomed to using force as a way to assert his authority. Not only for his sister, girlfriend, or later wife. In their hearts, the face of the individual is the most important thing, and if someone disobeys his wishes, whether in private or in public, they will use the method of fierce harm. The sixteen-year-old author was once in his hometown and met him. His brother would interfere with his dating, dressing, and life as if his sister were appendages, without the slightest bit of personal freedom. Probably after many times being dragged by my brother and stuffing his head into the toilet, the idea of leaving was so strong.
The two words of education, many times, how easy is it to talk about? When you start on the day of parenthood, until the child grows up healthy, we must be careful in our words and deeds, because everything is about the development of future children.
03
The author did not go to school before the age of 17, and once thought about marrying a farmer around the age of 20, and then continuing to build his own family in a fixed acre and three points, having children, and then slowly getting old. She knew her father's character, but she didn't want to rebel at the beginning, she didn't want to go to school in the first place.
Many of the later choices, such as the bullying of the brother, or the favoritism of parenting. When she grew up and had to go to a psychiatrist because of these past events, she kept reminiscing about the past, when she was bullied by her brother, what about her mother? She had always thought that her mother cared about her, but then she remembered that every time she was pinched by Sean's neck and put her head into the toilet, her mother could not have heard a sound, but this process had never spoken for her, nor had she fulfilled her duty as a parent to protect her. It was also later that she left and went to college, and when personal insights and cultures had an impact, she looked back and found that she had once had such a narrow view of the world. As she got better and better, her parents and brother didn't seem to be happy for her, but instead tried everything they could to humiliate her, make her fearful, and finally had to give in.
Things become more and more intense, and the author escapes from their control again and again, and when her parents try to call her back to wait for redemption to fail, what awaits her is rebellion. Not only her parents, but also her sister, some older brothers, had nothing to do with him from then on, even accusing her, and did not choose to side with her.
Many times, we have suffered a lot of grievances outside, and we can choose to deal with it in a way that does not matter or fight back, because they are strangers. However, what makes people really sad is that the people closest to you are not on your side, and even do not ask for a rebuke in turn. Even in order to make you obey, keep saying that yours is not, and describe you as a demon who is close and far away. In their perception, it is as if no one will compromise with you in the end.
This is probably what we need education for, as the author says, "Education means getting different perspectives and understanding different people, experiences, and histories." Get an education, but don't let your education rigidize into arrogance. Education should be the expansion of ideas, the deepening of empathy, and the broadening of horizons. Education shouldn't make your prejudices more stubborn. If people are educated, they should become less certain, not more certain. We should listen more, talk less, be passionate about differences, and love ideas that are different from them. ”
Education also teaches us faith, faith in truth, faith in truth, goodness and beauty, and faith in the equality of all people. If humanity had always been in a period of obscurity, we would not be who we are today. I believe that in those nights that made the author collapse, the choices that made the author sad, and the moments that made the author despair, she could still be strong and keep surviving, which was probably the influence of education on her. When she relies on her own efforts to get good grades little by little, get scholarships, and even get higher academic qualifications, she gains not only material satisfaction, but also recognition of self, but also has a grasp of her own life. These powers gradually came into his hands, rather than in the hands of his father or brother, as before.
Life is a long road, a person really has to wait until you learn to love yourself well, you will gradually grow into a complete you. Just as the author analyzes the father's seven children, some of them stay with their parents, and some of them leave their parents to open up their own world, corresponding to their growing up life, it can be seen who has opened a new chapter and who is playing the story of the previous generation. The greatest strength of this distinction is education.
Education, reading, although it can not bring you everything you want, but sometimes, it makes you more capable of choosing when making choices, so that your life meets more possibilities, which is where the value of education we respect is.