In Degna's directorial work "Borrowing Light", Qi Xi and Yu Xiaowei came to Li Cheng's Confucianism to ask for an apology after their sons were beaten by their grandson in Li Chengru's drama at school, and asked his grandson to apologize to his son in front of the whole class.
In life, there are also many families that have extreme behavior when dealing with their children's contradictions with others outside. As parents, we are the role models for our children, and when we encounter problems, the solutions given should at least be decent.
(Image from the Internet)
But in reality, many parents often react fiercely when their children encounter problems, and their words and behaviors are all impulsive, as if they vow to seek justice for their children, but they ignore the bad impact caused by this behavior, which is far greater than the so-called "justice".
01
Even more irrational than children are parents
Children's fights on campus or other occasions are mostly small conflicts. Just like the plot in "Borrowing Light", Yu Xiaowei came to Li Chengru to apologize, not to mention the reason for the fight between the two children, but only apologized to the whole class for the fight.
Protecting the calf is a psychology that every parent has, but the calf protector who does not ask the reason can only be a bad calf in the end.
When parents are hurt by their children, it is very normal to feel sad and angry. But if parents as adults allow these emotions to run rampant, so that they are also dominated by emotions in the solution to problems, the results will be disappointing.
Once, a regrettable thing happened in Xiaoshan: two children got into a fight because of a conflict, and the father of one of the children ran to the other's house with a knife and slashed and killed a family of four, causing two deaths and two injuries.
Coincidentally, in another news, when the two children were playing in the amusement park, they had a verbal dispute over the toys and pushed each other a few times. Originally, the two children who fought did not have a good relationship with each other, but the parents were in a big fight. When He Dad saw this, he immediately took his son away, and about 20 minutes later, He Dad called two uncles to help.
Soon, the boy's relatives participated in the fight, and the four adults fought together, and the two children also followed each other.
If the parents do not intervene in the contradiction between the two children, or if the parents guide the child to solve it in a rational way, then the outcome of the matter may not develop to the end of the violent conflict.
In fact, whether the child has a conflict with others at school or other problems, there is no doubt that parents, as guardians, must intervene in reason.
However, when parents intervene in the child's problem, they do not have an objective and rational way to look at the problems that occur in the child, and only focus on whether their children have suffered losses, and whether their children have no face in front of their classmates, then parents may be more "on the head" than their children at this time.
Parents are responsible for their children's lives, but in terms of methods, parents must also be responsible. Rationally and objectively help children analyze problems and solve problems.
Parents' views on problems and ideas for solving problems can not only help children solve problems, but also let children understand how to solve such problems the next time they encounter them.
Good parents are not to help their children out of anger, but to let their children fight for their own anger.
02
What help does your child need?
Many parents claim to know their children very well, believing that their children's words and deeds are in their own hands, and when children encounter problems outside, parents will also make a conclusion based on their own judgment of their children and the nature of the problem, but this judgment is likely to be wrong.
I once saw a post on a forum, the landlord is a fledgling primary school teacher, and he has not yet had a good grasp of the management of students and the relationship between students' parents.
In his class, there is a very naughty student, not only disturbing the class discipline in the classroom, but also behaving badly in the relationship with other children, fighting, quarreling, and hitting small reports from time to time.
For this kind of child, the landlord also expressed great helplessness, and many times of education were fruitless. It wasn't until one of them, when the mischievous student hit a classmate and called his parents over, that he realized that the child's problem was far worse than he thought.
It turned out that this mischievous child at school was a well-behaved child at home, not noisy or noisy. When his mother arrived at school, she did not believe that her own child had hit someone else, and even asked the teacher and the classmate to "frame" her child and apologize to him.
In addition, there are many rebellious and disobedient children at home, who have clashed at school because of the faults of others, and parents blame their children without saying a word, which is also caused by parents relying too much on their own judgment of their children.
Parents are the people who accompany their children the longest, and they naturally know more about their children, but if parents firmly believe that they are the people in the world who know their children's temperament, it is wrong.
The child at home, in front of the parents, and outside may be two very different states, which are directly related to the family atmosphere.
Doting families, often children will behave very well at home, and outside will immediately fly up, and in families with strict discipline, children may show rebellion and disobedience, but outside the home, feeling the warmth from the outside world, it will also become gentle.
Parents think that they have "understanding" of their children, so that when their children encounter problems, they make a judgment for their children's behavior at the first time, and the right and wrong are clear in the eyes of parents.
Completely disregarding what the child really needs help, parents must understand the child, whether right or wrong, in addition to looking at the problem rationally when the child encounters problems.
After understanding what the child is doing, then propose a solution to the problem. Put the child's psychology in front of his behavior, so as to really help the child.
03
Parents are the strength of children
The relationship between children is very simple, there is no superior and subordinate, there is no power to cross, and the biggest determinant of children's interaction with people is the parents. The love that parents give to their children and the support they give to their children are the key factors for children to be brave, positive, and bold when interacting with others. Children have a withdrawn personality, do not fit in, and have low self-esteem, in large part, because of problems in the education of parents.
The contradiction between children, if the child does not handle it well, may really be because of family education to make the child's personality problems.
Because parents "cry poor" all day long, children will implant the concept of "poor" in their hearts. From an early age, money is put on the shelf, so children do not dare to spend a penny of their parents, even if they want to buy something, they are careful to ask, if the parents do not agree to immediately dispel the idea.
Over time, people become particularly sensitive to the giving of others, and everything must be obtained through their own hands in order to be at ease. In getting along with others, you will also become inferior.
Some parents often let their children not cause trouble for themselves outside, resulting in children being bullied or aggrieved outside and not daring to seek help from their parents. Many children who suffer violence in schools are often their own families who are harmed twice.
When a child encounters a problem, the first person who wants to seek help must be his own parents, because the parents are the child's confidence. Therefore, in daily life, parents should also give their children enough support, even if they cannot be satisfied materially, they must also be spiritually rich in raising their children.
Children will always leave the protection of their parents and go their own way. Although there is no protection from parents, the bravery and fearlessness that parents once gave are the sharpest weapons on the road of children' thorns.
Parents cannot intervene in their children's problems forever. But in the eyes of children, parents are always their most solid backing. The education given to their children by parents is not the answer to any question, but the courage to face all problems.