01.
Letter from the reader: Hello Kaigo.
My colleague introduced me to a guy, I had a good impression, and after meeting him he asked me to go to the movies again.
He was very gentlemanly and polite the whole time, and I felt that he was a very cultivated boy, and when we met, he was in control of the whole situation, which made it less awkward for the two of us to get along.
When we didn't meet, he wouldn't say a word to me, I used earthy love words to seduce him, he would also provoke me, I couldn't help but confess to him.
But he said that he had been single for a long time and had no plans to be together, and he deleted him after he said that I was angry.
I thought later, just met twice to confirm the relationship is a bit abrupt, but I think the euphemistic rejection has made me very humiliated, but I have some regrets about deleting him, what should I do now?
Kai Zi replied: Girl, you can see a few points from this matter:
1, this boy's condition is more likely than yours, at least his appearance is higher than yours;
2, this boy's emotional intelligence is higher than yours;
3, you have a high degree of narcissism and too strong self-esteem;
I can responsibly say that a relationship based on the above three situations is generally difficult to succeed.
Whether it is people or things in this world, but all the high-quality, self-yearning, can not be easily included in your pocket.
You have to recognize these two realities:
1, first of all, a boy with good conditions and high appearance, he himself can have more choices.
2, since he will not take the initiative to send you a message when he does not meet with you, this shows that he is not interested in you.
At this time, if you want to attract such a boy, then the girl needs to know how to show her advantages in front of the boy.
For example:
It's like if we want to sell a product, you take it out and dangle it twice in front of others, hoping that others can place an order, which is obviously unlikely, unless the product itself can catch people's attention, otherwise customers want to observe more, isn't it normal mentality?
Including when we go to find a job, you want the company to hire you, and you also have to tell you on your resume what you will do with the company you are applying for, what abilities and advantages you have.
The more you know how to show yourself, the more likely you are to gain favor with job search companies and get a higher salary.
These truths are also universal in the marriage relationship, you want a high-quality boy to choose you, you have to show your value, attract the attention of this boy.
Instead of stirring up a few love words, he can't see any advantages of you, and he doesn't show any sincerity, and he has to choose you.
From another point of view, if you like this boy and you want to chase him, then chasing also needs action, which is the same as boys chasing girls.
It is not necessary which boy confesses to the girl, the girl must agree, the girl may also be a few rounds down, impressed by the boy's sincerity, and finally nod.
So why do you think that you have only met twice, said a few love words, that is, did not show your advantages, and are not willing to spend time and effort to attract each other, the other party must accept you?
That's why I say you're highly narcissistic and have too much self-esteem.
In your opinion, if you can take the initiative to say to this boy that I like you, he must accept it, because in your own heart, you feel that you are very different, very special, and he must obey your requirements.
Psychologically, this behavior is called "giant baby psychology" or "almighty narcissism."
Once an all-powerful narcissist doesn't get a response and is rejected, you get angry, you want to destroy the relationship, so you immediately delete him, and you hope to use this way to maintain your self-esteem, which is also called "Almighty Rage." ”
You ask what to do now that I regret it, and if you regret it, of course, you can immediately add this boy back, but even if you add it back, what then? That's what you're thinking about.
Your narcissism causes you to be too emotional about your relationship with him, so even if he's willing to add you and you start chatting and dating again, what about the next time he rejects you? Do you still have the same reaction.
I have to emphasize with my sisters that if you want to enter into a good relationship, you must have the ability to manage a good relationship yourself, otherwise even if the relationship starts, it may not last.
So for you, your fundamental problem is not how to fall in love with this guy, but if you make yourself a little more confident, stronger, and less sensitive.
Only when this inner problem is solved can you start entering a good relationship.
I also have to say that of all the marriage obstacles, it has a lot to do with the high level of narcissism and self-esteem that I mentioned.
Because of the high degree of narcissism and high self-esteem, it means that the girl is taking more than giving in the relationship.
Many girls will feel that I am a girl, boys spoil me is what I should be, I can come after you, it is a gift to you, how can you not accept it.
Of course, this idea is understandable from the perspective of being a girl, and every girl will want to be spoiled.
But the point is, the boy doesn't owe you, you have the right to choose, he also has the right to refuse.
Some girls think that I deleted the boy, which would make the boy nervous about me, and then took the initiative to come to me, to put it bluntly, it was a threat.
But what she didn't know was that maybe in the boy's eyes he would think that such a girl was stupid, and he couldn't make it.
That is to say, you can maintain this vision of love, you can also adhere to your own attitude towards love, and I have even heard many girls explain their behavior is that it is difficult for me to easily move a person.
In fact, where things are not easy, the reality is that she is afraid of rejection.
Therefore, you must know that you cannot change your state of mind and always treat your feelings in a highly narcissistic way, and the result is that you will have to accept the loneliness and loneliness of the second half of your life.
I hope that every girl can understand these truths in her twenties, not to be thirty or forty years old, after choosing smaller and smaller in the marriage market, only to find that there are no years to look back.
If you also find yourself rubbing shoulders with each other in the wrong way in a relationship, you also hope that this relationship can have a good result, you can privately message me, I will tell you how to adjust yourself and harvest good feelings.
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