Many people know that motherhood is very important to children and to families. But an overly aggressive mother is devastating for the family.
01
The stronger the mother, the weaker the son, and the more domineering the daughter.
Strong women are not equal to strong women, and what we call strong refers more to personality than career.
Many strong women are "iron ladies" at work, and when they go home, they become "little ladies", but their marriage is very happy.
On the contrary, some women may not do a great job in their careers, but they have a big temper and a lot of momentum, and they especially like to say one thing at home, and we call this kind of wife who likes to be a "queen" at home a strong woman.
Psychological counseling has found that, in general, when the father's role in the family becomes more and more marginalized, the mother becomes more and more powerful and even one-sided.
From the perspective that children will always form an identity with the same-sex parents, the daughter will identify with the strong mother, and over time, the daughter will become a strong daughter.
In many families, the mother and daughter with a strained relationship are often mothers and daughters with the same personality, and powerful mothers generally have a strong daughter; grumpy mothers will also inherit grumpy problems to their daughters.
Sometimes you will find some interesting phenomenon, when the daughter rebels against the mother's arbitrariness, the daughter is also secretly inheriting the mother's arbitrariness, and naturally bringing it into her future relationship with her children.
Four characteristics of a strong mother:
Self-righteousness;
Commanding;
Finger-pointing;
Split hairs.
Four major behaviors of a strong mother:
You must listen to your mother, and the mother has the final say in everything;
Closely monitor your child's every move and know his whereabouts and behavior very well;
All activities of the child must be reported to her, and permission must be obtained before the act;
Blindly pointing out the child's life, interfering with it, and comprehensively manipulating his life.
Three psychological traces of a strong mother:
Strong in the outside, insecure, self-worth needs to be constantly proved by the outside world;
Strong possessiveness, a fetish complex, putting all the emotional burden on the daughter;
From childhood to adulthood, self-centered control and manipulation have become habitual behaviors.
02
Restraint makes the child lose self-confidence, the child is emotionally unstable, has no opinion, and is overly dependent on the mother in everything. Excessively harsh discipline can easily erase the child's personality.
Many mothers regard the cultivation of their children as a way of self-realization, if they can successfully cultivate their children to become famous talents, they often attach their own value to their children, the success of their children is their success, and the failure of their children is their failure.
Therefore, very mothers have to transfer this pressure to their children and invisibly impose their will on their children. The child becomes inferior in these constraints.
Excessive harshness causes young children to lose their sense of security, psychological pressure increases, at this time the child becomes tired, any criticism can not touch him, becomes bottomless, and does nothing.
In the face of a strong mother, the daughter chooses to agree unconditionally. As for the son, there will be another situation, that is, unconditional escape.
Because, when the mother always accuses and criticizes her husband, she is actually accusing and criticizing all men, and the son, as a man, will inevitably hide in no man's corner like his father.
So when a wife with an overly aggressive personality likes to laugh at her husband, it is actually equivalent to throwing this ridicule and ridicule to her son as well.
Therefore, a strong wife must have a cowardly son, and the more she accuses her husband of cowardice, the more cowardly her son becomes.
03
A strong mother will make her son unmasculine.
Many of the mothers of the present are very capable. In the domination and domination of the family, it is often also up to the will and leadership of the mother.
The result of this is that the father cannot reflect his paternal status, and if the family wants to maintain relative harmony, the father can only "resolutely support" the mother's opinions and suggestions, otherwise it is a quarrel or a cold war.
It is indeed unfortunate for boys living in such matrilineal families.
When the child is young and the strong mother does not show problems, by the time of infancy and childhood, because of the cowardice of the father and the inability to prevent the mother from interfering excessively with the child, the child will have a variety of problems.
Problem 1: Boys are difficult to masculine.
Children have less understanding of male strength, there will be "paternal love deficiency syndrome", lack of masculinity, slower development in weight, height, movement, etc., and there are emotional disorders such as anxiety, weak self-control, etc., and will become cowardly, timid, withdrawn, inferior in terms of personality.
When the future enters the society, there will be various uncomfortable states, unable to act according to their gender role norms, like to find strong women to marry, and unable to become a husband who is worthy of dependence.
Problem two: make the child disrespect authority.
Families in which the patriarchy is lost will cause the child not only to fail to learn from the father to respect authority, but also to think that the male is the father.
At the same time, in families with imperfect functions, children will often instinctively curry favor with the "strong" in the face of strong mothers, especially boys, who will also follow their mothers, unconsciously rebel against their fathers and do not pay attention to their fathers' opinions.
Problem three: Overprotecting your child.
The mother's excessive strength is a sign of her lack of security, which will make her a typical protector.
Afraid that the problems they are worried about will appear in the child, as long as it is not conducive to the child, they want to filter it out and avoid it through their own efforts.
Therefore, the mother does everything, and asks the child to follow her in thought and behavior, and eventually the child will not know anything, completely dependent on the mother, which further confirms the mother's idea.
Problem four: Putting too much pressure on your child.
Strong mothers tend to be capable and perfectionists, and will use raising their children as a method of self-actualization, demanding that their children do their best. So he invisibly imposes his will on the child, and also attaches his own value to the child.
It cannot be denied that these strong mothers pay a lot, but it is precisely these "pay" that make children feel stressed, which can easily cause children to lose their sense of security and self-confidence, and cause children's psychological inferiority after adulthood.
Problem five: Make it difficult for children to be independent.
Strong mothers are not only strong in front of their husbands, but also in front of their children, and they are not allowed to say "no" to their children.
Under the strong control of the mother for a long time, the child's characteristics and feelings are naturally ignored, and the child has few opportunities to make independent decisions in life, and everything is taught, directed and arranged by the strong mother.
Over time, the child will give up his own responsibility, lose the ability to solve problems and face life independently, and form unconditional obedience and dependence on the mother.
Problem Six: Children learn to resist passively.
A strong mother makes the child lose himself, feels that everything he does is for the mother, and cannot produce the motivation to do things in his heart.
Under the pressure of power, the child knows that resistance is useless, although the heart is saying "no", but it can only indicate superficial obedience, which is also the child's feeling that only by passive resistance can there be autonomy.
As a result, children often adopt a negative attitude in the face of things they cannot control and are unwilling to do, and the grinding foreign workers appear.
Problem Seven: It is difficult for children to learn to socialize.
Parents are the earliest children to know the same sex and the opposite sex, and their friendly relationship can allow children to learn the way to get along with same-sex friends when they grow up, which determines the child's interpersonal skills.
Under the management of a strong mother, this social interaction is deformed, making the child afraid of encountering denial and rejection, and accustomed to hiding his inner feelings.
This mode of defense makes it more likely to be isolated by society and difficult to integrate into society.
Question Eight: A strong mother can lead to an "Oedipus complex".
The more love a strong mother puts in, the greater the reward she expects, the deeper the mother-child bond, and even regards her son as a "replacement spouse" as the only object of emotional support.
In the end it is possible to desire to possess the Son, to the point of sharing what the Son has. This makes it difficult for the child to get rid of the influence of the mother and gain his true self.
This makes it difficult for boys to identify with other girls in adulthood and become more dependent on their mothers.
In summary, a smart mother will let the child have a good understanding of the father in her own mind, and will always let the child feel the presence of the father at any time. Respecting your husband is the best way to demonstrate your father's authority.
Of course, fathers must not evade their responsibilities, but must participate more in family affairs and participate more in the guidance and education of their children.
Parenting motto in today's circle of friends
The child is still young,
Give them deep roots;
When he grows up,
Give them wings.
Teach children the ability to fly and the courage to fly
His wings will naturally become plump and powerful.
Care for the child without interfering, assist without substitution.
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