As parents in the new era, we always cherish our babies. After all, it is all meat that falls from their stomachs, who will not be distressed? Always holding it in his hand for fear of falling off, holding it in his mouth for fear of melting, eager to do everything himself to help him sweep away all the bumps and twists and turns on the road to growth.
But you know what? Sometimes, a moderate let-go embraces of more intimate love.
01
There is a distant aunt among the relatives, which can be said to be a typical example of Eva's fate.
Because the couple has been asking for a baby for many years, it was not until they were about forty years old that they could not easily hold their own baby, so they also spoiled it badly, and almost cultivated the little bully of the family:
If you want what your parents buy him, the toys at home are piled up everywhere, and often a toy that has just arrived is thrown aside for a few days without playing;
Always on the wall with a paintbrush scribble around, dad criticizes mom and hurts too much, and also takes the baby's favorite candy to coax;
Only because when he first toddlered, he always bumped into the corner of the table or wrestled, and his mother stared at the scars on his head and refused to let him learn again, just saying that it was good to go with the flow, so he was almost two years old and did not know how to walk;
Usually do not dare to let go out to play, basically stay at home, occasionally take out the door once to hold the whole time afraid of running and losing, even if the wrist is sore, they will not put it down;
……
What's even more outrageous is that at a family gathering, the mother was busy cooking in the kitchen, bothering others to help take care of the baby, forgetting to put the exclusive bowl in front of him, and the baby lost his temper at the table and cried:
"Why didn't Mom give me the bowl?" Are you trying to starve me to death? ”
In the end, he even broke free of the arms of the adults, climbed onto the table, and stirred up a mess.
I remember watching a 30-year follow-up survey conducted by American psychologists on 1500 children, comparing the 20% of people with no achievements and the greatest achievements, but found that the most significant difference was not intelligence, but personality qualities such as strong perseverance, independence, and courage.
There is an old saying: "Three years old looks big, seven years old looks old." "The period from the birth of the baby to the age of three is the golden period of growth, which can almost determine the development of the child's life.
However, there are too many parents in life, immersed in the castle they built for the baby with "love", refusing to let go, but ignoring too close love, which will not only make both parties breathless, but also make the baby lack of independent and free growth space.
In fact, instead of doing everything and following the trend, it is better to believe in the excellence of his own baby, dare to let go of his small hand, and let him independently explore the world by his own strength.
02
When it comes to moderate letting go, I can't help but think of Hu Ke, who is praised by the majority of netizens as a "textbook with a baby".
After giving birth to her son Angie, she was still busy at work as an actress in order to set an example for her children. In order to facilitate the care of Angie, as early as when Angie was about 6 months old, she often brought him to the set and worked while filming.
The experience of growing up on the set also made Angie have a super environmental adaptability since she was a child, eating habitually, sleeping, not recognizing life, and can mingle with anyone.
He would even feel sorry for his mother, and when he got up in the morning, he asked softly with a small milk voice: "Do you have a big night play today?" ”
In order to exercise his son's independent ability, when he is a little older, Hu Ke often takes him to participate in outdoor activities: such as hiking, climbing, camping and so on. Before leaving, I will repeatedly tell you that it will be very fun along the way, but everyone can't let their mother hold it, and they must insist on walking the whole way by themselves.
As a result, he really walked the whole way with his mother at a young age, and even said when his mother said, "Just a little bit, I'll go by myself later." ”
Hu Ke boldly let go of the baby to explore the world, so that he developed an independent personality from an early age, and even took the initiative to do housework, even if it was not too good, Hu Ke would still praise him.
After the birth of Erbao Xiaoyu'er, she did not blindly ask her brother to take care of her brother like many parents, but let them deal with conflicts and disputes on their own, never interfering more on issues that did not involve principles, giving them room to grow freely.
And because of this, she has cultivated an independent and sensible "crucian carp brother" with a full boyfriend, and returned her with the strength of the most gentle and firm love.
03
Each baby is an individual. As parents, what we need to do is never to bear everything for our children, but to properly let go of his hands to explore the world, and then accompany him to wash away the stains on his body when he rolls in the mud.
Only in this way can children thrive, become friends with their parents as independent individuals, pull into the distance between each other, meet the ups and downs of growth together, run in the park together, go on adventures on the trails together, and play together at the beach.
"We must use love to water the parent-child relationship, encourage children to release their nature, and maintain a curiosity."
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