There are no disobedient children, only parents who can't talk

Many mothers complain that as their children grow older, they talk less and less to their families. Sometimes adults ask, "How was it today?" The answer is often "OK, fine", and there is no more following. The child looks quite obedient on the surface, but in fact, he has his own little nine-nine in his heart, that is, he does not tell his parents.

And the problems caused by this will suddenly erupt during the child's puberty, making people too late to change. Therefore, when the child is still young, we must learn to chat with the child.

The most annoying way for children to chat is also the most useless

Too purposeful

When many parents chat with their children, they often end up preaching.

Like what:

Parent: "How's it going to be at school today?" ”

Child: "I learned a lot of new knowledge today." ”

Parents: "It is right to learn new knowledge, you must learn more knowledge, otherwise you can only move bricks in the future." ”

child:......

Parent: "Had a good day?" ”

Child: "Well, I met a new friend today, and we can talk about it in particular." ”

Parents: "It's okay to make friends, but you can't play together often, so let's do a good job of learning first." "

Look, talk about anything can talk about learning, originally the child still wanted to share it with you, but in the end it often ended in silence. In fact, this kind of purposeful chat of parents is just a kind of indoctrination by them, telling children to study well, which often does not require parents to spend too much time thinking and organizing language, which is the simplest and easiest. But the effect achieved by this way of chatting is minimal.

Interrogate the child to report

Many parents, when they go to school to pick up their children from school, constantly ask their children about their children's situation at school today. Asking this question every day seems to form a pattern, and in the long run, the child's answer has begun to be patterned: "Well, yes, ok, very good..." The answer that is coped with in this way, parents can not get any effective information. If the parents keep asking, the child may have been annoyed and can't help but lose his temper, let alone have a good chat.

Don't think you can chat, that's how parents talk to the sky

Don't think that chatting is so simple, especially when the object is a child, in the face of an opponent who does not play cards according to the routine, it is easy for parents to talk to death.

Like what

Child: "Mom, I want to tell you something." (The child initiated the chat signal)

Mom: "Say. (a little impatient)

Child: "Mom, I want to buy a pair of sneakers." ”

Mom: "What to buy?" Aren't there so many shoes? ”

Child: "Just buy me a pair." ”

Mom: "Don't buy it, hurry up and do your homework!" ”

Child: "Ahem! If you don't buy me, I won't do my homework! ”

This not only killed the day, but also aroused the contradiction between the child and the parent. Why bother? If the mother can further ask the child why when the child makes a request:

Mom: "Why do you suddenly want to buy sneakers?"

Child: "Because our school is going to have a sports day, I want to participate in the competition." ”

Mom: "So what kind of competition are you going to participate in?" ”

Child: "I want to participate......... And do you know Mom, today the teacher also praised me for running fast, suggested that I join the school track and field team............"

Look, if you can calm down and accept the signals of child communication, there are many more that children can tell you... So, if you happen to be busy when your child is talking to you, then you'd rather have your child wait than rush to deal with your child. It's important to protect your child's willingness to communicate!

Don't chat for the sake of chatting, chat is also methodical

Learn to listen

Listening does not mean that parents just sit there with their mouths closed and just listen, the best listening is to have interaction, even if you have an affirmative look, the child will be interested in chatting with you.

Crouch down

We want to understand his information from the child's mouth, naturally we can't condescend to order the child to say it, which will only make the child more disgusted. Squatting down means that parents squat down and chat with their children at a straight face; it also means that parents lower their posture, do not treat their children as children, and communicate with their children on an equal footing in their thinking. In this way, the child will have the feeling of being respected and will have the desire to chat and tell.

Pick a good time

Chat is not anytime, anywhere can be chatted, for example, when the child is intently watching cartoons, parents suddenly come to chat, empathize with it, no one wants to be disturbed, ah, so the result must be perfunctory. Therefore, when chatting, try to be calm and there is nothing important to do. If parents really have something very important to talk to their children, then let the children stop what they are doing first and chat seriously.

When parents encounter problems, they can ask the opinions of their children who are also family members; they can also often share your "secrets" with their children, which will make their children more intimate with you.

In short, when communicating with children, forget that you are a parent, don't treat children as children!

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