In parenting, what are the adverse consequences of the wrong way of speaking?

In parent-child education, criticism, blame, and complaints abound, and many parents even if they know that these ways of speaking are not right, but they do not think so and are unwilling to correct them. They don't know that the way they speak will bring some undesirable consequences, and they do not deeply understand the seriousness of the problem. Common consequences are as follows:

First, let the child gradually lose self-esteem and self-confidence

If a child is always seeking the approval of others, he will slowly lose the ability to evaluate himself correctly, and will only measure himself according to the opinions of his parents, teachers, or other people around him.

When children enter junior high school, classmates of the same age become their main community, and they will rely on the views of their classmates to judge their own value.

For example, if a child has a pimple on his face, his classmate may say to him, "You have acne on your face", in fact, this is not a big deal, but the child will feel that the classmate laughs at him, whether such ridicule is malicious or not, let the child feel that the people around him have been using a microscope to examine their appearance or behavior.

This feeling is likely to make the child very sensitive and care too much about what others say, which will affect their own decisions. Can't see yourself objectively. Slowly, their self-esteem and self-confidence begin to be eroded by external factors.

Second, do not dare to face failure

If children are always blindly pursuing the approval of others, they dare not face failure. Because for those who are afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, criticized, failure is very uncomfortable. They are too afraid of losing face to risk letting themselves try the taste of failure.

Instead, they will settle for the status quo, even if it is bad, and they will avoid any risk, even if the risk is positive. They refuse to learn, to master new skills, to the opportunity to improve themselves.

Third, have a serious dependence, like to rely on others

Because of our wrong way of saying that children cannot become talented and cannot be independent without learning important life skills. For parents, children can rely on themselves by the age of twenty-two, but now they have to take care of their children all the time.

Fourth, can not have a sense of identity with their own identity, can not correctly position themselves

As children enter junior high school, relationships with children of the same age become increasingly important. They will suddenly discover that the identities they have previously created to gain parental approval are not necessarily accepted by their peers.

So they have to make a makeover to gain the approval of their peers, which is what we often call rebellion.

Ironically, the self-identity of children formed from an early age in order to meet the expectations of their parents is degraded to the point of uselessness by their peers, thus producing rebellion. Even when some children are confused about their own identity, they will go to extremes. Some of them never discovered their true selves, and even more, even as adults, they didn't figure it out.

Fifth, it hinders the development of children's logical thinking ability

The ability to think logically is one of man's most valuable assets. If the development of children's logical thinking is limited, they will often be unable to make their own decisions to solve problems when they grow up, unable to think about the possible consequences of their own actions, and unable to make choices that are beneficial to themselves.

In short, the wrong way of saying, the consequences are very serious, we need to continue to learn how to talk to the child in parent-child education, so that the child can grow up healthy and happy, develop their own strengths, and become an excellent person.