As we all know, building a house requires laying a foundation first. The higher the house is built, the deeper and more stable the foundation must be. People are like houses, and brilliant life also needs a solid foundation to develop healthily and sustainably, and the name of this foundation is called "security".
It exists in the subconscious of the brain, and it does not usually appear at the level of consciousness, and we take it for granted. But if we lack these most basic safety factors, we will feel that the road under our feet is loose and may collapse at any time.
Parenting: What is the sense of security of young children
Security, which literally means the feeling of safety and security, that is, the psychological need to desire stability and security, belongs to a person's inner spiritual needs. A sense of security is a premonition of the risk of physical or psychological danger that may arise, and a sense of strength or powerlessness for an individual to cope with things.
What is a sense of security for children?
In the process of children's growth, the earlier the establishment of a sense of security, the better, the establishment of infant security is closely related to the function of parents, the key period is roughly divided into the following three stages.
Stage 1 (0-90 days): Can I survive?
Babies are born from a comfortable and warm womb to a completely unfamiliar world, and all the changes are drastic, accompanied by anxiety, trepidation and doubt that parents may not feel. At this stage, the biggest need of children is to survive, and they need to be satisfied from physical nutrition and psychological nutrition.
Stage 2 (90 days - 36 months): Can I be myself?
During this period, children begin to learn to be separated and independent, as well as to take responsibility for their own actions.
(1) 4-10 months: budding self-awareness;
(2) 10-16 months: The child has made breakthroughs in all aspects and begins to try to alternate intimacy and separation.
(3) 16-24 months: try more separation and closeness, start to have your own temper, and try more autonomously.
(4) 24-36 months: full of curiosity about the outside world.
Stage 3 (4-5 years old): Am I good enough?
From the age of four, the child's self-awareness gradually establishes, and he also begins to have memories, and is a new "me" who needs the praise and recognition of others.
Children must have the belief that "the world is reliable, life is good, parents and others are trustworthy" in order to gain the motivation, courage and perseverance to survive. Children with a good sense of security firmly believe in their hearts: "I am lovely, I am loved, my existence is valuable, I have the ability to overcome difficulties and solve problems, and I believe in my own judgment." ”
Security: Love is an eternal topic
Parents are the best teachers for children, and the family environment can largely determine what kind of person the child can become in the future, which shows how important the family environment is to the growth of the child.
In a family full of positive energy, there will always be the effect of "1+1>2", "1+1+1>3". This is also the meaning of the family.
"It is difficult to support alone, and the two trees are forested", the family has a strong cohesion, which can heal the soul and "recharge" the body. In a positive family, tolerance, trust, encouragement, praise, fun, and positivity will always be the main theme, living in such an environment, the child's heart will be full of sunshine. Parents with positive energy make it easier for children to build a sense of security.
And the insecure child always feels that the world is dangerous, the parents do not love themselves, and always worry that they will be abandoned by their parents; he will sacrifice his healthy development, suppress his true inner, and find ways to please his parents in order to obtain the approval and acceptance of his parents, so as to obtain a sense of existence.
The child is like a white piece of paper, and the parents are the ones holding the paintbrush. In ordinary life, parents must start from themselves, set an example for their children, and not often scold their children. The family environment is warm, and the child will be happy, healthy and secure.
Strongest backing: high-quality companionship for parents
Harvard University related research shows that people have two kinds of developmental needs, one is intimacy, mainly from the mother; the other is independence, from the strength and security given by the father. The companionship and positive energy of parents will form the initial sense of security and belonging of children in life, and it is also a fertile soil for laying the foundation for children's perfect character.
In this era of being filled with electronic products, most of the communication between people is separated from the cold screen, but the treatment of children can not be like this, the companionship of parents has an important impact on the growth of children and the establishment of a sense of security, so as a parent how to give children high-quality companionship?
High-quality companionship, enough time to accompany.
To judge whether a period of companionship is of high quality, time is the most basic criterion. In fact, this "enough" time is not to let parents accompany them all the time, but to be able to give their children sufficient companionship in a fixed period of time.
For example, participate in an activity with the child, interact with the child, generate communication, experience happiness with him, guide him to learn, recognize, understand, feel, accompany each other, and let the child feel "Daddy or Mom and I together", he will be really satisfied.
High-quality accompaniment, to have more profound content.
Here are a few possible ways to do this: read a book with your child, or hold a book each other, read it quietly for a while, every day, form a habit, and discuss it with each other after reading it. Or enhance physical fitness, combined with sports; cultivate thinking ability, that is, combined with mazes, guessing games; cultivate hands-on ability, you can combine with origami, weaving, and clay games.
High-quality companionship should diverge positive emotions.
Companionship should be a warm process, be patient, careful and loving, that is, "people are in the heart". The divergence of positive emotions gradually satisfies the child's heart, so this companionship seems to be eaten fragrantly and fullly, and the child's inner satisfaction is naturally at ease.
Parents have enough love to accompany, so that children have enough confidence and sense of security, become their strongest backing, in the future growth, the child's self-satisfaction is getting higher and higher, the stronger the ability to discover and appreciate the advantages of others, the easier it is to feel happy, but also the easier to produce a sense of security and happiness.
Ensure that children can get adequate psychological nutrition at each stage, and have a good foundation for their future development, that is, children's social development, homework, and emotional control have a great positive impact.
Author: Ruiyun Jin College