Illuminate yourself, illuminate others, and the education of love is the future
On December 20, a 15-year-old girl in Changzhou, Jiangsu Province, beat her mother on the road on the hot search, but after understanding the origin of the matter, the collapsed daughter aroused the sympathy of the majority of netizens.
According to the girl herself, after her mobile phone broke, her mother promised that if she could improve by 5 places in her test scores, she would sponsor her child to buy a mobile phone for 2,000.
In order to buy the mobile phone she wanted, the girl not only really improved by studying hard in one semester, but also saved 4,000 yuan with part-time work.
But the girl happily came to the city with her mother, when the mother knew that the old mobile phone could be repaired, she regretted it, not only that, but also a variety of education, seeing more and more people watching, the girl's emotions were out of control, and she collapsed on the spot.
Regardless of the specific details of the event, as parents, we all want to give our children the best, but many times, reality does not allow it.
Just like the mother in the video, who wants to motivate her children to study hard by buying a mobile phone, including supporting their children to work and earn money, and experiencing the difficulty of earning money, the original intention is actually not wrong.
But the reason why the child will have an emotional breakdown and do such an unreasonable thing as hitting the mother, of course, the direct reason is that the mother breaks the promise and trains the child in public, but more deeply, in fact, the mother through this material reward method, itself is risky.
01 The material reward method is not good
Many times as parents, we are actually habitually giving material rewards to our children.
For example, children will be rewarded with 5 yuan for sweeping the ground, 5 yuan for helping to wash dishes, and so on. We always feel that this is an affirmation of the child's efforts, but in fact, in "Family with Children", we have already told us the disadvantages of doing so.
In "Family with Children", there is an episode where the father Xia Donghai wants to encourage the children to do more housework, promising the children how much money to reward once they do hygiene, and the first 3 children can earn pocket money when they hear it, which is very positive.
Cooking, laundry and sweeping are all wrapped by the children, Xia Donghai and his wife can enjoy the hot meal when they come back, and if they want to drink tea, there will be children pouring down immediately, not to mention how happy they are.
But one day, the couple came back to find out why they hadn't eaten when they got home today?
It turned out that the children had already eaten and washed the dishes themselves, so that when the couple came back, they could wash the dishes at least once more and earn pocket money again.
Even by the end, the couple had no clothes to wear because the children had washed all their clothes.
Things are different, but they're essentially the same. If you use material rewards to encourage children to learn to do housework, the most direct consequence is to destroy the child's internal motivation.
Because maybe the child initially wants to help the parents share the housework because they understand the hardships of their parents, but once they start to reward money or promise to buy mobile phones, the children's purpose unconsciously becomes to do things for money.
And for the child, this may form his way of getting along with others, I have to pay a reward, I must get the affirmation of others, if not, then even if this thing is beneficial I will not do it.
Just like the girl in the video, the mother seems to be saving herself 2,000 yuan, but will this time of not keeping the promise make the child no longer trust the family and doubt the meaning of his efforts? This is also the reason why many netizens sympathize with girls.
On the other hand, in fact, why the mother regrets it, look at the electric car to know that the girl's family situation is not so generous.
So a lot of times, the material reward is actually endless, just like when we were a child, we were very happy when we saw 10 yuan, and we may grow up and think that 100 yuan is just that.
For parents, they can reward 5 yuan and 10 yuan at the beginning, and when they encounter the number of 2,000 yuan for their children at a time, they will consider the actual situation of the family.
02 Change the reward to a gift
In Dada's "Family Education Co-reading Group", a better way to reward is to change material rewards into gifts.
For example, during this time, grandma is sick, and then mom and dad don't take care of you, but you arrange yourself very well, we have more energy to take care of grandma, and then reward the child with a gift that the parents can cash in, and thank the child for his contribution to the family.
At this time, we turn material things into a gift to thank the child for his sense of contribution to the family. And this sense of value for the family will become the child's internal motivation, and the child will be more active in serving the family in the future.
This is actually a continuous source of motivation from the heart, and it will also bring a strong sense of satisfaction and happiness to the child.
Just like the girl in the video, in fact, the improvement of grades, the praise of parents itself is very meaningful to the child. And children can earn 4,000 yuan by working part-time, in fact, it is only a matter of time before they earn 2,000 yuan.
So the mother actually does not have to promise to reward the child with money.
Since the child herself decided to change a mobile phone, she is also fully capable of earning money through her own efforts, which can completely make the child decide what to buy, and at this time, the parents do not interfere with the child's decision is the greatest support for the child.
We sometimes ridicule children and look closely at their own money, in fact, because he himself can experience the hard work from the process of making money, and perhaps he will make more reasonable decisions when buying a mobile phone.
And she will be more confident when she encounters such self-challenges in the future, because she can always feel the support of her parents.
03 It is best not to reward, promises can not be done, as early as possible to refuse
Sometimes as parents, we are inevitably happy because of our children's progress, and then impulsively make promises.
But in fact, for children, the fun and sense of accomplishment of being able to do things is the biggest reward in itself. Therefore, as a parent, recognizing and supporting the efforts of your children is the greatest reward.
Parents should get used to being the audience on the road of their children's growth rather than the controller, giving their children freedom, so that children can slowly stand on their own feet in doing things. So it's best not to commit.
But if there is a promise, it must be fulfilled. If this is not possible, explain it to your child as soon as possible and discuss a way that everyone can accept. Otherwise, the longer you drag it out, the greater the child's expectations and the more disappointments there will be.
Although it is true that the girl in the video hits the mother, the mother's practice of counting the children in front of everyone will make the children feel that they are not respected.
So whether the promise is fulfilled or not, it's just a matter between the parent and the child. If others join in, it is actually more important that parents think that they have won the child, but eventually lose the relationship with the child.
Gibran has a poem for parents, "Your child is not your child", which actually talks about the relationship between parents and children.
The child only came to this world through us, but the child is always independent and free, as a parent, we must always treat the child as an independent individual, to love him, respect him, in order to better help him to become independent. Share.
Part of the original content comes from Dada teacher's "Family Education Reading Club" sharing, the book club is now recruiting...
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