Lead:
In order to satisfy their desire for control, many parents carry out verbal violence against their children under the banner of "for your own good", saying verbally: "I am all for your own good", "I am not doing this because I love you", "You think I want to take care of you, not all for your own good", this sentence "for your own good" words, sometimes become a language violence, and in the end it can only be the child who is hurt.
In Hunan, there is a female college student who has just graduated, black and white are reversed all day, do not work all day to play games, shut herself in the room, urinate and defecate in the basin, and gain 40 pounds a year, all because of "for your own good".
01. Female college students lie flat at home
Her name is Wenwen (pseudonym), she is a college student who has graduated for a year, she speaks slowly, is unresponsive, and it will take a long time for others to hear her answers when asked questions. She is fat, her eyes reveal confusion, she has a "broken altar" attitude towards life, and her peers are busy looking for jobs, but she does nothing, locking herself in her room all day.
For this reason, Wenwen's mother was very worried, and her mother took out the photo of wenwen from the past, a lively and cheerful and beautiful girl, and the photo and the current Wenwen judged the two of them. The mother is very incomprehensible, the once cheerful daughter, now diagnosed is to shut herself in the room, sleep during the day, get up at night to eat and drink Lasa play games, even urinate in the room basin to solve, only took a year, the weight rose by 40 pounds.
Wen Wen's mother confessed that during this year, her daughter Wen Wen was unwilling to talk to her, no matter what she asked or said, Wen Wen's attitude was very bad, and even beat her with her hands, treating her as an enemy.
In desperation, the mother was forced to find a mediation team to help solve the problem, as a mother, she was worried that if her daughter stayed at home, what would she do in the future?
When the mediation team came to Wen Wen's house, Wen Wen's room door was locked, and through the window we could see that there were comic posters on the walls of the room, and there were artistic portraits of Wen Wen on the cabinets, all of which seemed normal, just like most girls in their 20s. But when you see the garbage and debris on the floor of the room, a conspicuous washbasin on the floor, and the text curled up on the bed despite how her mother shouts, it is not at all like a girl in her 20s should look.
Wen Wen's mother tried to climb in through the window of the doorway, but Wen Wenli ignored it, and after several attempts, her mother finally gave up.
She told the mediator that Wenwen did not get up until 5 o'clock in the afternoon to eat, did not wash or change clothes every day, heated up the leftovers of the day when he was hungry, and took water and fruit from the refrigerator to eat when he was thirsty.
In Wenwen's mother's view, the reason why Wenwen has become what she is today is because she just graduated from college, her parents arranged a job for her, but less than 40 days after working, she had a conflict with her colleagues, and then resigned at home, and slowly became what she is today.
But is this really the case?
02. What is the real reason behind it?
At night, the lights in other people's houses are gradually extinguished, but the lights in the smelling house are on, and this time is the beginning of a warm day. In the evening, the mediation team finally met Wen Wenren, saw a stranger break into his room, Wenwen directly walked out of the room, wanted to lock himself up, her mother came forward to stop, the two have been frozen, and finally Wenwen agreed to talk to the mediation team alone.
The mediation team chatted with Wenwen, and Wenwen had to think about each question for a long time before she could answer it, but as soon as she asked her mother, her reaction was very fierce, and she hated her mother.
Wenwen had a mirror in wenwen's room, and wenwen was locked against the wall, and she didn't want to look in the mirror, and even said that she didn't dare to look in the mirror. This girl who once loved beauty, she was afraid of the mirror, did not dare to look directly at the degenerate self, from such a small act, it can be seen that Wenwen does not like her current self, she wants to change, but she does not know how to change.
When Wenwen was asked, did he still want to change back to the way he was before? Wen Wen hugged his headache and cried.
In order to help WenWen change, the mediation team took Wenwen to buy clothes, looking at the colorful clothes in the store, Wenwen's dim eyes had a little more light, and when Wenwen was happy, her mother reached out to help her tidy up her broken hair, wenwen, who had always been unresponsive, pushed her away.
Why did Wenwen resist his mother so much? What is the reason behind this?
The mediation team took Wenwen to see a psychologist, and the psychologist came to the conclusion that Wenwen was slow to respond, lack of thinking content, and had a normal IQ, but the emotional intelligence was very low, which were all phenomena of depression.
For the psychiatrist's conclusion, Wenwen's mother frequently nodded, for this conclusion, she was not surprised at all, but when she heard the doctor say that she wanted to give Wenwen medicine, her mother had an objection, she did not want her daughter to take medicine?
Turns out! When Wen Wen just showed abnormality, her mother had taken her to the hospital for examination, and the conclusion given by the doctor at that time was the same as the conclusion now. But Wenwen's mother thinks that her daughter has depression and says that it is not good for herself, and in the eyes of her mother, depression is equal to mental illness, so she did not take medicine and did not receive treatment, she believes that time can cure her daughter's illness.
It is precisely because of Wenwen's mother's obstinate behavior that Wenwen's illness has become more and more serious, and finally it has become what it is now. Ke Wenwen's mother also said that this is all for her own good, everywhere for her sake, I love her words.
Finally, with the help of the mediation team, Wenwen received formal treatment, and also took Wenwen to the beauty salon, hoping to make Wenwen regain self-confidence through weight loss and be the girl who was sunny and confident.
This is wenwen's story, a lively, cheerful, beautiful and confident girl, because of "good for you", has become what she is now, whose fault is this?
03. Reflections behind "For Your Own Good"
In the movie "Galaxy Tuition Class", there is such a scene, Ma Haowen's ex-wife reported a lot of cram classes to her son, forcing her son to do things he did not like to do, in the face of Ma Haowen's questioning, the early answer was: "I am for the good of the child."
Ma Haowen asked his ex-wife: You are good to yourself, why don't you scold yourself in the mirror for two hours a day.
This scene is very familiar, we can often encounter in life, but the authorities are confused, the bystanders are clear, and when things happen to us, we always can't see clearly.
Just like Wenwen's mother, she was controlled from childhood, even after graduating from college, she had to help Wenwen arrange work, and finally? In Wenwen's view, the mother does not love herself at all, she only loves herself, the mother is very hypocritical, hypocritically only wants to control herself, and eventually evolved into the hatred in Wenwen's heart.
Psychologist Alice. Miller says:
The child is treated as the private property of the parents, and the parents control her, and the child's most basic growth is rudely interrupted.
Wenwen's IQ is normal, but the emotional intelligence is low, is this not the result of too much control by the mother? Her growth was rudely interrupted by her mother, and "for your own good" blocked her growth.
How selfish and terrible is this kind of love for a mother who says "for your own good" knows that her daughter is sick, but is unwilling to treat her daughter for fear that others will know, and this is why Wenwen has become like this.
So stop saying to your children, "I'm all for your own good," give your children the space to grow freely, squat down to educate, and let your children see what parents do, not how to say it.
Life is like archery, dreams are like arrow targets, even arrow targets can not find where, what is the use of children pulling bows every day. Give children the space to grow, build dreams for children, and the future road depends on children to walk by themselves.
Finally, I would like to ask you, what do you think is the reason why the text in the text has become like this?