It is said that the adult world is difficult, why?
Because the internal friction is too serious.
In addition to the pressure of life, more pain actually comes from inner conflict and non-acceptance of oneself.
There is also too sensitive to the outside world, other people's words let the mood fluctuate for half a day, and finally more and more unconfident in themselves, although the day did not do anything, but still feel that life is tired.
If you are like this, be sure to read this article, because your internal friction is too serious and has slowly hollowed you out!
How can we stop internal friction? 9 suggestions for everyone.
Author 丨 Gao Yuan
Edited by 丨 Mei Ling
Emotions are your own, try to say yes to emotions
Everyone will have a lot of emotions, and often we like positive emotions, such as happy, happy, happy, excited, good emotions;
There are also some people who reject negative emotions such as anger, impatience, grievance, sadness, and pain.
Some people will not allow themselves to be angry, not to allow themselves to be sad, not to allow themselves to be miserable... Not allowing your emotions to happen, it will aggravate your emotions and let your negative emotions continue the cycle.
Many people can't control their emotions because you resist your emotions, and you can't see them if you resist.
For example, if you are angry, if you can find the real cause of your anger and know why this incident aroused your emotions, you can see your injured self, you can heal yourself.
Say yes to emotions, and see and accept whatever emotions you have, because that's part of you.
Say yes to your habits and your patterns
Many people who have studied the Enneagram know what size they are, and some people do not like their model very much.
Whether you like it or not, you're like this, because the model can't be changed. However, if you like it, there is a chance to let it grow naturally and change.
If you don't like it, you will use a lot of energy to resist, and the power of this resistance will make you unable to get the nourishment in life, the blessing, the power to change will be smaller and smaller.
The change of inner growth is not achieved through effort, but through relaxation, permission, acceptance.
Behind the conflict with others
It's a wounded self
Sometimes we are particularly resistant to conflict, especially dislike of conflict, and once there is a conflict, we will doubt ourselves: Am I difficult to get along with, how can I always have conflicts with people?
In fact, the reason for the conflict is that the wounded part of us is touched by others, and we rise up to resist.
For example, under the epidemic, the emotions and feelings of a No. 4 may be easily affected and more negative, which is the part that he may be easily injured.
If you go and accuse him, he may clash with you.
If it's a no.3, he's not recognized, he's not seen as valuable. He may be very hurt, he may fight with others.
Behind these conflicts is a wounded self.
Conflict is not our fault, it's just the wounded self that needs to be seen and healed.
It's not our fault that we're hurt, because that's how we were raised by our parents when we were very young, when we weren't yet capable of being ourselves.
Some people may wonder: In the face of our wounded selves, should we complain about our parents?
Neither resist your parents
Don't be foolish
We have talked a lot about the concept of the original family in recent years, and when this psychology is particularly popular, we often feel that our pain comes from our original family and from our parents.
But our parents also have their own helplessness.
The first comes from his parents, who also had many shadows in his childhood, and he also had injured parts.
The second comes from his time, when there was a lack of education, and there was no such delicate pursuit of happiness as today, when it was the pursuit of survival, and you are concerned about life today.
The third comes from his personality, he has his patterns, which he can't control. Just like today we can't help but lose our temper when we're irritable, so do they.
So let's not resist our parents, because those who resist them will take away your strength.
How much strength you spend to resist him, you block the transmission of that power from your parents.
For example, if you resist your father's irritability, you cannot inherit his strength; if you resist your mother's weakness, you cannot inherit her tolerance.
So, don't resist, don't be foolish, and believe that you can make decisions independently.
Don't expect a soul mate
We have too many people expecting soul mates. As a result, not only did he not find the soul, but he even drove his partner away.
What is a soul mate? Especially understand you, full empathy with you, can understand each other, can fully trust, can talk about everything, can know what the other person is thinking in one eye.
This expectation of soul mates, it is actually a baby-like expectation, a kind of mother-and-baby level expectation.
Psychologically speaking, it's a state of being completely accepted and tolerated in your mother's belly.
This does not actually exist, because two people together must have conflicts, and if there is no conflict, it can only mean that the soul has never collided.
So, don't expect soul mates, if you do come across, there's a good chance you're a liar.
The recurrence of this epidemic, many people are locked up at home, may be more emotional. Good communication and good cooperation are much more reliable than the soul.
Don't try to change others
How much time and energy have you wasted on changing others?
For example, your significant other doesn't love hygiene, your child doesn't take online classes seriously... Do you particularly want them to change?
This change is usually not successful. Because there is a saying that "jiangshan is easy to change and difficult to move", he may have lived for decades to maintain this habit, how can it change because of your words?
If you really want him to change, then your best bet is to change yourself. When you are no longer attached, maybe the other party may change, at this time it is not you who are changing him, it is you who are influencing him.
These are two completely different things.
You can try to influence a person, but don't try to change a person.
Get out of the way
Get out of your head first
What does it mean to get out of your head first? Our minds will make up countless questions, for example, your other half did not answer your phone, many people will think a lot, is not love? Something went wrong? Derailed? ......
In addition to this, the mind has a particularly big bug, that is, the mind is self-centered and feels that everything in the world is related to you.
For example, if the unsealing is repeatedly postponed under the epidemic, the mind may have thought about it a lot, and anxiety will arise, but most of it may be their own personal thoughts.
So, jump out of your head and tell yourself, don't think about it so much, it's all imaginary.
To say "yes" is not to be obedient
Nor is it a refusal
Many people feel that saying "yes" means being obedient and having no opinion. This is not obedience, but respect for the law, do not spend the strength to resist.
For example, a tree has its own laws of growth. If you don't respect the law and the seedlings grow, the tree will not grow well.
Everything in the world has its own laws of operation, and people are the same, following the way, naturally they will not get tired.
Yes to growth and change
Some people often resist change and think that I have changed, so am I still myself?
None of the people I've ever met who have volunteered for change will face real trouble, saying that after the change, is it still me?
Because we all know that each of us is a whole new look every day.
Often some people say no to growth because they are afraid of change, afraid of investing, and afraid of not gaining.
For growth and change, it is said that there will be an echo of the mind, and one day it will gather sand into a tower and gather water into a trickle to become a better self.
The above nine points are my suggestions to you.
Under the epidemic, many people's intimate relationships are shaky before they are in a bad mood, and they can be separated and quiet, and work can also distract a lot of attention.
Now locked up every day, it is easy to have all kinds of conflicts. The saddest thing in life is often to give the worst temper to the people closest to us, and what is even more sad is that this is not what we want, but we don't know how to do it.
In intimate relationships, how to communicate nonviolently, so that language can be a tool for expressing love rather than a sharp blade that hurts people?
Tonight at seven o'clock, Gao Yuan live broadcast room, let the communication be full of love.
Share it with the people you care about ~ no longer get caught up in internal friction