As the saying goes, "The public is justified, and the mother is reasonable", and everyone feels that they are right. But when communicating, if both parties only focus on themselves, when they are each holding their own opinions and arguing, communication will enter a "tug-of-war". In sales, if the communication between the two sides enters the "tug-of-war", it is difficult to achieve good results in this sale.
Everyone has their own position, which is normal, but in the communication with each other to reason, let the other party understand themselves, like playing a "tug-of-war" - to pull the other party into their own side of the position, such communication is not much help to the progress of things.
So how do you jump out of the "tug-of-war" trap of communication? The answer is to stand at the other end of the rope. By standing on the same footing with the other person, communication becomes very simple. However, the premise for achieving this is that you see the other person's position. In a word: get out of your own world and enter each other's world.
First, the two mentalities of communication
Effective communication is smooth communication and win-win for both sides. The essence of sales is to take what you need and achieve a win-win situation. A true master of communication, because he understands the needs of both sides, has already won before he opens his mouth. In the Art of War of Sun Tzu, it is said that "a hundred battles are won, and the good that is not good is also good; the soldier who yields to others without fighting is also the good one who is good." "It means to win every battle, not the most powerful, and it is the most powerful to subdue the enemy without fighting." In communication, can speak eloquently, good eloquence, not the most powerful, the really powerful people can understand each other's position, understand each other's needs, so as to win without a fight, both sides win-win.
Teacher Gao Yuan said that in my offline course, there is a link to run for the class committee. Once, when I was running for class president, two classmates came to the stage to run.
The first student said, "Because I want to grow, please support me!" ”
The second student said: "I lead a team of 200 people, I often organize teams to carry out group activities, and the final effect is very good, everyone likes it." If I were the class leader, we would all graduate well and reap the rewards! ”
In the end, the second classmate was elected as the class president.
The first student's campaign manifesto was based on himself, saying what he wanted; the second classmate started from the perspective of everyone and the collective, saying what benefits everyone would have if they chose him. In the end, the second student got what he wanted, and everyone would feel that choosing him was more beneficial to themselves and the collective, and achieved a win-win situation.
On the surface, it is said differently, but if you further understand the principle behind it, you can find that the second classmate has considered the needs of the whole class before running for election. The reason why everyone wants to hold the class committee election is that we hope that someone can lead everyone to harvest the results. He had already won before he could speak.
Before communicating, seeing each other first is easier said than done – it's too easy for us to start from our own perspective. When we have a problem, the first reaction is "What should I do?" "Even asking questions starts with yourself. In fact, if we change the question - "What does the other party want?" How do I give the other person what he needs? "The problem is solved.
In the work, if you always start from yourself, thinking about "why doesn't the boss approve of me" and "this boss doesn't understand me at all" Over time, it will change from hard work to hard work, but it is getting farther and farther away from the goal of promotion and salary increase.
If you can start from the other side and think for the boss, "If I were the boss, what would I want my employees to do?" Or think for the customer, "If I'm going to buy this product, what's the first thing to consider?" "Maybe it's easier to get positive and valuable feedback. When doing sales, we must remember that sales is not selling things, it is solving problems for customers.
The same is true in unfamiliar social situations, if you start from yourself, you may be thinking, "What resources can I get from this occasion" "I want to expand my interpersonal circle, who should I know first?" "It turns out you might know a lot of people, but it's hard to be friends.
If you can start from the other person, it will become, "What is the identity of the people who come to this party?" "What are they here for?" Can I have anything to help them? "In this way, you can naturally meet many new friends, and maybe one day, this person who you know inadvertently will bring you unexpected surprises."
Second, three clever ways to start from the other side's position in communication
In order to truly achieve starting from the other party in communication, you must know how to enter the inner world of the other party.
If we want to see each other's hearts, we must first open our eyes and see each other's appearance. A person's dress, eyes, expressions, actions, behaviors, can reveal his personality and inner state.
Professor Piette of the Manhattan Center for Psychology Research in the United States said that sitting posture will expose people's psychological secrets. People who are accustomed to straightening their waists and sitting on their backs may be more serious and serious, but often lack flexibility; the legs of the stilted erlang may be informal or irritable, if you add shaking legs, indicating that the mood is happy and relaxed.
When you can understand the psychological characteristics of the other person from the appearance of the other party, communication will start smoothly. For example, in the sales industry, a good salesman can accurately capture which product the customer is more interested in by observing the customer's expression, and can make targeted recommendations to achieve sales goals.
1. Observe the other person's expression
A person's expression will convey emotions. Dr. Hayes, a professor of psychology, has found that when people see something moving or excited, their pupils unconsciously dilate. If the other person is frowning, it proves that there is something on the mind; if the other person's pupils shine, it proves that they are excited. As long as you observe more, you can distinguish the mood of the other party at that time.
When you want to know if the other person is lying, look into his eyes, look to the left is to recall, to look for facts, if you look to the right is to imagine, to weave lies. You may also have heard that if a man rubs his nose, it means that he is hiding the truth, because the sponge in a man's nose is easy to itch when lying.
Many people will tilt their heads when talking to others, only listening to the content of others' words; some people are shy and dare not look into each other's eyes, which is a bad habit and needs to be changed. When looking at each other when communicating, you can observe each other's expressions, so that you can not only capture a lot of information from each other's expressions, but also convey information and emotions to each other through your own eyes and expressions. This is a fundamental competency possessed by a person with high emotional intelligence.
2. Observe the person's clothing and body language
Clothing can reflect a person's personality, interests and hobbies. According to years of investigation and research, the FEDERAL BUREAU of Investigation has found that in addition to reflecting a person's aesthetic and physical characteristics, clothing and dress can also convey the person's identity status, inner state and personality. For example, people who like to wear beautiful costumes, most of them have a lively, simple, sense of humor, and a more positive and optimistic attitude towards life, and may also like to express themselves; people who like to wear formal clothes, they are often very enterprising, in order to maintain the "elite" image in society, work very hard; people who like simple dress, most of them are more rational, have a more stable personality, are emotionally stable, are moderate, and it is not easy to do things; people who like to wear casual clothes are generally open-minded, more relaxed, and like unrestrained life. I don't like to be limited by all kinds of rules and regulations.
If you talk to a person and he makes the movement of the fingertips of his hands facing each other, it means that he is confident and confident about the matter. The personality traits of the other person can also be seen from the body language. Some people walk more straight, sit when sitting is also a rule, you can speculate that this person likes to pursue perfection, pay attention to right and wrong, like to abide by the principle; some people always hold the arm, the expression is also very alert, indicating that this person is accustomed to considering a lot; some people talk when the range of action is relatively large, sitting then like to open their legs, open their arms, a "I am the boss" posture, then this person's personality is more rugged, not so careful, like to go straight.
3. Observe the other person's behavior
Behavior refers to what actions a person makes, what sounds they make, and how they react to things.
From a person's behavior, we can know how he feels about communication in the moment. For example, always looking at the time, it may be that the other party has something else, or is impatient with the current conversation; always looking at the people passing by, indicating that he cares a lot about what others think of him, or the communication environment does not give him enough security; the upper body leaves the backrest, the body leans forward, indicating that he is more interested in the topic of the current conversation.
From a behavioral point of view, you can also understand the other party's personality preferences. For example, like to send WeChat circle of friends, indicating that this person usually likes to get attention from others; like to point out other people's problems, indicating that this person pays more attention to insufficient places and likes to provoke.
Romain Rolland said: "It should be carefully observed for the sake of understanding; it should be tried to understand, for action." "Observing each other in communication and paying attention to each other's feelings and needs is a good place to start."
Gao Yuan, admitted to Tsinghua University at the age of 17, international enneagram double certification tutor (only 7 in the country), special guest of the Central And Guangdong Enneagram personality, author of the best-selling book "Get Yourself", 10 million lychee micro-lessons listened to, 10 years of offline teaching experience, more than 100,000 students benefited.