I have friends with babies around me, and the way of education can be roughly divided into two types:
The first is a chicken baby, which can also be said to be an upgraded version of "Tiger Daddy Tiger Mother", in the face of excessive competition in limited educational resources, parents fall into the inner volume, transfer anxiety to children, and plan their children's learning and life at any cost, with the purpose of letting children win at the starting line and live in applause and flowers.
The second is stocking, the parents' mentality is very Buddhist, to the principle of "children are happy", let the children grow step by step, not too much concern about the child's academic performance, not too entangled in the child's future, so that the child can play freely within their own ability, unrestricted.
Nowadays, the chicken baby is controversial, there are chicken babies, and the "chicken" is out of the North China. There are also people chicken dolls, "chickens" to the baby depression, light life. In my opinion, stocking is a more advanced state of parenting, but in the process of freeing children, we must avoid falling into the misunderstanding: stocking is not equal to letting go, let alone indulging.
Stocking is not indulgence, it is thinking, raising habits
After Cecilia Cheung and Nicholas Tse divorced, she lived alone with her two sons and has always been regarded as a "three-good mother". In a variety show, she revealed that her education method for her two sons is 100% free-range, not overly restricting their behavior, hoping that they can be their true selves. However, a phone call between Cecilia Cheung and her son exposed many problems.
Recording the program needs to stay in Shanghai for several months, and Cecilia Cheung can't rest assured that her two sons can also transfer to Shanghai. Cecilia Cheung first called her eldest son and carefully solicited her eldest son's opinion. On the other end of the phone, the eldest son's tone was very impatient, indicating that he was playing a game and did not have time to chat. After that, Cecilia Cheung called her second son again, and the second son was also playing a game, and he hung up the phone without saying a few words. Moreover, both sons firmly expressed their reluctance to transfer. After being ruthlessly disliked by her son, Cecilia Cheung was not angry, embarrassed to say that she was afraid of her son, indicating that both sons were addicted to games and had poor academic performance.
The ideal is very full, the reality is very bone. Cecilia Cheung, who wanted to be free-range but backfired, began to realize the problem, and became more and more anxious, and had to run for the two sons' studies.
Only letting go and not raising is the biggest irresponsibility of parents to their children. When stocking is misinterpreted as letting go, children grow savagely, and will only become more and more without rules and bottom lines, and eventually achieve nothing, contrary to the original intention of parents. At that time, the child misses the important opportunity in life because of lack of ability, and may blame the parents in turn: Why didn't you force me in the first place?
When we say stocking, the focus is to loosen the restrictions on the child's thinking and liberate the child's nature, but in the child's behavior, it is necessary to develop good habits for him, to let the child learn to arrange his own life, to know that hard work will be rewarded, rather than turning parents into "supervisors" of his life.
Therefore, the clever stocking education, the thinking, the habit, this is the core essence of stocking.
Successful stocking is to raise first and then release later
Every year, as soon as the college entrance examination results come out, the college entrance examination in various provinces and cities will become the center of the topic. Parents look at the college entrance examination, and then look at their children, there is a feeling of hatred for iron and steel. At the same time, the education method of the college entrance examination will also become one of the projects that parents are competing to imitate.
The Paper once did a survey of the 2017 college entrance examination winners, and of the 40 college entrance examination winners who participated in the questionnaire survey, only 9 had parental experience in high school, and almost all the others spent their high school careers in stock-range education. The college entrance examination winners of "stocking" generally said that parents rarely interfere with their own learning, but they have given full support and companionship.
In the face of this situation, some parents have fallen into a situation of self-doubt: Why do I work so hard, but I can't cultivate a bully child, and others don't care, and easily raise a college entrance examination?
In fact, others seem to be effortless, and they have worked ten times harder. Which college entrance examination winner does not have good study habits and strong self-motivation? Which child who needs to be watched by his parents to be willing to learn can become a college entrance examination winner?
Successful stocking should be raised first, and then released. Only when children learn to abide by the rules, have a sense of proportion and boundaries, and develop good behavior habits, can they release their nature in a free space without deviation and grow into a high-level person.
The parenting style of those intelligent parents looks rough on the surface, but in the details of the formation of children's behavior habits, there is often a delicacy that is difficult for us to perceive.
For example, I have a friend next to me, the child is in junior high school, she usually seems to be indifferent to many things about the child, the child is the master, but for many years the habit of sticking to a habit of having to have a regular meeting with the child every Wednesday night.
Each meeting lasts for an hour, with only one theme, and she will guide the child to analyze the behavior of the past week, summarize the best thing done and the worst thing done, and then praise and reward the best thing done, analyze whether there is room for optimization; the worst thing will be severely criticized, and sometimes punished by writing reviews, deducting pocket money, etc.
The child grew up very well under her education, learning to be a bully, moral, intellectual, physical, and aesthetically developed.
Proper stocking, parents should do the same
1. Respect your child's nature
Everyone is a unique individual, and the essence of education is to develop the nature of children. Stocking should be based on understanding and respecting the nature of children. Some children are lively and active, some children are silent; some children are calm and calm, some children are impulsive and reckless... Parents should not "correct" the child's nature according to their own wishes, in the process of getting along with the child, they should observe the child more, accept the characteristics of the child with an equal and respectful attitude, and establish a safe relationship of dependence with the child, so that the child can release the nature to the fullest and form a confident character.
2. Cultivate children's self-reliance
The child's self-reliance, both physical and psychological. It is difficult to be self-reliant, and self-care is the first step to self-reliance. In daily life, parents should follow the growth rules of their children, starting from small things such as eating, dressing, sleeping, etc., and gradually cultivate their children's self-care ability, and do not do everything for them.
The cultivation of psychological self-reliance is also very important, involving things related to children, such as what clothes to wear, what extracurricular classes to apply for, etc. Parents can encourage children to express their own views and opinions, and let children make their own decisions, and constantly strengthen children's ability to solve problems independently.
3. Teach children to weigh rules and freedoms
No rules, no squares. However, children are naturally naughty and rebellious, and how to make them weigh rules and freedom is a common problem faced by parents.
Before the age of 3, the self-awareness is not very strong, parents should let them know "what can be done and what can not be done", and establish a preliminary sense of rules. After the age of 3, the child's self-awareness continues to develop, and he will constantly test and challenge the boundaries of the rules. At this time, parents should slowly participate in the establishment and maintenance of their children's rules, and let their children "have laws to follow" by formulating rules for their children. When a child violates the rules, give appropriate warnings or punishments so that the child understands that following the rules can have full freedom. Of course, the most important thing is that parents themselves set an example and set a good example for their children.
Write at the end:
Stocking is an extremely clever parenting realm, releasing thinking, raising habits, not indulging without a bottom line, let alone letting go. Only when parents understand the true meaning of stocking can they make fewer mistakes in parenting practice, help children take fewer detours, and become talents as soon as possible.