Wen | pick up books
A rational word healer, I hope you can find a little comfort in my words for life.
The encounters between people are all destined by heaven, and love is even more so.
So what is good love?
Some people say that it is to be able to understand each other, and the fit is the most important; some people say that they should have a sense of ritual in life, and they can also survive the calm daily life of chai rice, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar tea; some people say that the other party can give the sense of security they want, and will not always suffer from loss and loss in their feelings....
The answer to this question can also be found in the famous book "Pride and Prejudice", which is a book about the growth of women and love, written by the British writer Jane Austen. Pride and Prejudice has also been hailed as the most popular love story for readers in the past 200 years.
It can be seen that the biggest charm of a good book is that it can allow us to combine with life, and after reading it, let us think about the current state of life.
After reading Pride and Prejudice, I feel that we need to internalize these points to help us better understand marriage and love.
Marriage is a big thing in life for everyone, because getting married means being responsible for a family and you are no longer alone. Then, the understanding and understanding before marriage is very important, which is related to your happiness in the second half of your life.
Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are a case in point.
In the book, the author begins by writing that a rich bachelor must want to marry a relative, which is a universally recognized truth. Then there was the bang for the Bennets.
Mrs. Bennet heard the news that the town's Nyfir Gardens had been rented out and rented it to a wealthy single nobleman named Bentley, and wanted Mr. Bennet to say hello beforehand so that he could seek a "future" for his daughters.
In Mrs. Bennett's view, her eldest daughter Jane inherited her beauty, natural beauty, and if she went to the dance in Niffel Garden, she would definitely be favored by Bentley.
Mr. Bennett's attitude contrasted with his wife's, always with a look of indifference, even sneering at his wife's request.
Mrs. Bennett was willing to accept defeat, and her mouth kept nagging and complaining about this matter, and finally under the soft and hard bubble, Mr. Bennet had to confess the truth, that is, he had already visited the other party.
Married for many years, they have been in such a state, each other has a hard time understanding each other's thinking, Mr. Bennet will feel that his wife is very vulgar, no culture, Mrs. Bennet feels that her husband has no human touch, does not understand the slightest romance.
More than twenty years ago, Mr. Bennet met Mrs. Bennett, and at that time, Mr. Bennet thought she was beautiful, so he fell in love at first sight, fell into it, and hurriedly married shortly after knowing her.
After marriage, he gradually found that the other party did not have much attraction in addition to beauty. Perhaps they did have love when they first met, but this love did not last long, because the incomprehension of each other quickly dissipated, and they have always maintained a marriage that looks like husband and wife.
Mutual dislike consumes the enthusiasm between each other; the difference in values leads to the two sides always disagreeing and the goal is not consistent; anything is not discussed with the other party, making it difficult for the two sides to communicate with each other.
All of this directly makes the Bennets and their wives very tired of living a life.
And they also gave our lives a wake-up call, that is, in love, before marriage to retain more rationality, do not easily be blinded by love, hurriedly choose to get married, but after marriage found that the other party is not a candidate for marriage, and finally let both people live unhappy.
If you know each other a little more, you will know what kind of person the other party is. In life, some people are golden and jade, but in fact, they are defeated, and they can achieve true three views of the same, which will make love permanent.
Elizabeth is the second lady of the Bennet family, she is independent, wise and assertive, wants to pursue sincere love, but has prejudices against many people and things in life;
Darcy, a rich boy, is very arrogant and will not easily let people know and understand him.
At first glance, it seems that such two people do not have much intersection.
But Darcy took a fancy to Elizabeth at a glance when he held a ball in the Nyfir Garden, and in his opinion, Elizabeth's eyes were very deep, very beautiful, and seemed to have a magic power to let people know, at the same time, Darcy had a very bad impression of Elizabeth's family, except for her sister Jane and Elizabeth, everyone else seemed to be very rude.
At the first meeting, Elizabeth did not have a good impression of Darcy, because in her view Darcy was an extremely arrogant person, and did not have much connotation except for money.
Coupled with the influence of officer Wickham and the knowledge that the love between his sister Jane and Bentley was his breakup, Darcy's favorability plummeted.
But once love has ignited a flame in a person's heart, it is not an easy task to extinguish it.
So later, Darcy used his own advantages to directly propose to Elizabeth, unfortunately Elizabeth did not agree with him, but told him all the words of dissatisfaction with him that had been stored in his heart, and Darcy left disappointed and wrote a letter, hoping to get the other party's understanding.
After reading the letter, Elizabeth found that most of her understanding of Darcy was through her own subjective assumptions, as well as other people's knowledge, and her own prejudices made her unable to view Darcy rationally.
Later, when Darcy and Elizabeth meet again, Darcy changes a lot.
Darcy no longer resisted Elizabeth's family as she had been, would let go of his arrogance, communicate with his uncles and aunts very gently, and even when he learned that his sister Lydia had run away from home with Wakeham, in order to make Elizabeth happy, he put aside his dissatisfaction with Wakeham and used money to solve the dilemma facing their family.
Elizabeth also eventually let go of her prejudices and accepted Darcy.
This may be the best side of love, willing to change for the sake of the other party, willing to think about the problem from the perspective of the other party, rather than blindly stubbornly pursuing those right and wrong.
It's like a friend recently shared with me that when she first started to meet her husband, he said that he was a person who didn't understand the sense of ceremony, and it was difficult to be romantic.
But on their first wedding anniversary, he decorated a whole cart of flowers with a bouquet of flowers, and also put a doll that he had inadvertently said, and he took what he had said to heart and gave it a sense of ceremony.
Friends say that the most valuable thing is not how much money these bouquets or other decorations cost, but that the other party has taken your words to heart and is willing to change in some aspects for you.
Therefore, in a relationship, learning to change ourselves appropriately can often make this love more beautiful, and will also promote ourselves to develop in a better direction.
Some people on Zhihu asked: Why do you always feel that marriage is not happy? One of them replied: It depends on whether you have treated marriage with care in your existing feelings.
In the book, Coslyn and Charlotte, Wakeham and Lydia have no real intentions to deal with marriage.
In Coslin's view, as a pastor, she needs a wife as a "virtuous helper", while Charlotte feels that she is 27 years old, needs someone to find a rich person to live a good life, and their marriage is more like a transaction, taking what they need from each other.
Wakeham is a playboy, he owes a lot of debts everywhere, in order to be able to pay off the debt, he always wants to find a girlfriend who can be rich, Lydia was not his first choice at the time, but he looked at the beauty of the other party, and finally chose to make it up.
The young Lydia had always met love because of herself, in fact, it was the beginning of her unfortunate life, and she could only rely on the support of her sisters to survive after marriage.
The love between them is "fast food", which comes and goes quickly, like a plate of loose sand, seemingly piled up together, but in fact the wind blows away together.
Therefore, if you want to have a good love and a good marriage, the first inseparable condition is that both parties need to take this matter seriously.
Finally, marriage can not withstand child's play, love is even more unattainable, whether it is marriage or love, it needs to be taken seriously.
Disclaimer: Image source network