Editor: Liu Jing
In love, how happy it was once, how sad it is now.
The expression of love is inherently in a habit and form. Just as the monogamous system has been established now, we are accustomed to using this system to think about love, but we must know that people are never institutions.
Love has an absolute inner essence and an objective external dimension. The inner essence can be the holiest and noblest thing, but its external nature is limited by many forms: law, morality, and even the object of love are external phenomena. So when you personally choose to have no complaints and no regrets, the biggest problem you may encounter is that the other party withdraws and changes.
During the death of her first husband, Zhuo Wenjun of the Western Han Dynasty met the talented Sima Xiangru in a very sad state. Sima Xiangru also liked Zhuo Wenjun very much, so he wrote a poem "Feng Qiu Huang", "Pick it with the heart of the piano", that is, play the piano and sing it to her, and Zhuo Wenjun was moved.
Here there is a conundrum: can love be replaced? History does not record what kind of person Zhuo Wenjun's ex-husband was, did he also love Zhuo Wenjun, or did Zhuo Wenjun also love him? However, at this time, during her mourning, she fell in love with Sima Xiangru and even eloped with him. Didn't she betray her ex-husband?
Does Zhuo Wenjun believe in the so-called eternal and immortal love? If she believed it, she herself was contradictory, because after she met Sima Xiangru, she betrayed her love with her ex-husband.
Later, Sima Xiangru also changed his heart, and Zhuo Wenjun wrote a very famous poem "Bai Tou Yin", saying that when the love between husband and wife is like a ditch of water flowing east and west, she is sad in addition to sadness, but since Sima Xiang has two hearts, she has to make a decision. One of the sentences, "May you have a heart, and the white head will not be separated", which exhausts the greatest desire for love between Chinese and foreign men and women in ancient and modern times.
I think in our society, both women and men have had such sorrows. At this time, I personally feel that I should reconsider the sanctity and sublimity of my love, is the essence of love in me, or is it the object? If it is me, then in my life, love has been completed, and the joy and consummation I have received will never fade with my life, and I don't care much about what the ending is.
I often have friends or students come to me and tell them that they are crying and sad because they are in love, and they feel that they can't live, and I will ask them: "Do you think you have been happy with this person?" ”
Sometimes when they get angry to the extreme, they say, "I've never been happy." I would remind him, "Are you lying?" Would you not have noticed? Because if you haven't been happy, you won't be so sad now. ”
I think, in many moments, we need to be reminded, but also often remind ourselves, is this person I love, he really loved me, kind to me, loved me, is it because of some small mistakes, or he left me, I have to start hating him, retaliating against him, let him from 100% good, to 100% bad?
Don't think that a marriage contract can guarantee love, only love can guarantee love. Marriage is the law, it can guarantee monogamy, if one party fails to perform, the other party can sue him, can demand compensation from him, and the law can convict him. But you can't use the law to blackmail the other party into loving you.
Marriage is not the same as love, and the law is invalid for love. But we often confuse them.
Editors: Liu Jing, Lü Lu