Friends see the child put his newly bought lipstick, when the crayon is drawn everywhere, the heartache is heartbroken, yelling at the child.
The daughter was playing vigorously, and this roar frightened her into a panic, her small face was instantly pale, and her big eyes were instantly filled with tears. "Wow" cried out, the voice tearing the heart and lungs.
Scenes like this have been staged in every family. , how many kids haven't yelled at them?
Many people think that it is no big deal to roar, who has not been yelled at as a child, after the roar, the child is not still good.
First, the inability to see the harm does not mean that there is no harm
01, the child who is yelled at, the brain will become more and more stupid
I've seen a mom teach her child to write homework.
At first, the child just doesn't understand the meaning. The mother read the question with anger and kept asking the child if he understood?
With each reading, the volume rises a little.
By the time I read the last sentence, the child was already confused and sat motionless.
The mother was even more angry, hating the iron and steel to count the children, and her voice was a few points higher.
Seeing that her mother was angry and about to explode, her daughter quickly read the question.
The result was so nervous that I misread the questions. Mom screamed with anger, "How can you be so stupid!" ”
As long as parents who have tutored their children to do homework, they should have a deep understanding:
The more anxious you are, the more confused the child becomes.
Zhihu netizens said: When I was a child, when my father was yelling at me, I couldn't hear what he was saying.
Yelling is not so much an education as it is a violent distraction.
If parents often yell at their children like this, it will cause lifelong damage to the child's brain.
Martin A. Teicher, an associate professor of psychiatry in the United States, and his team have conducted extensive research on the long-term harm of verbal attacks on parents for more than a decade.
Their study found:
In the brains of adults who have experienced verbal violence from their parents, the Wernicke district (which is primarily responsible for understanding the spoken language) and the prefrontal lobe have fewer connections. The less connections between these two regions, the worse a person's language comprehension ability will become.
In addition, verbal violence by parents can also lead to a decrease in the volume of certain parts of the child's hippocampus. The hippocampus is a key brain region for memory formation. That is, children who are often verbally violent will have a poor memory.
Therefore, constantly yelling at children will only make children more and more stupid and their grades worse and worse.
02, children who are yelled at are more likely to be depressed and inferior
Actress Chen Qiaoen has been criticized more than once for "low emotional intelligence" and "temper tantrums", and even the co-actors are not happy with her.
In interviews again and again, Chen Qiaoen talked about her feelings for her mother, and she confessed:
"When I was a child, I lived in fear, I didn't know how to talk to my mother, afraid that she would hit me."
Speaking of this, she was in a state of stress and seemed nervous.
She said that before the age of 20, she did not dare to take the initiative to take her mother's hand, and now that she has grown up, the gap between her and her mother is still insurmountable.
A large number of psychological studies have also found that children who are subjected to verbal violence by their parents early in life are more likely to have mental problems such as depression, anxiety, and inferiority complex in adulthood.
03, the child who is yelled at, more rebellious
There is an "overrun effect" in psychology:
When a person is stimulated too much, too strongly, and for too long, the heart will breed feelings of impatience and rebellion.
When parents nag their children all day and reprimand their children loudly, after a long time, the children will form "immunity" and "enter the abalone wanton and not smell its smell for a long time.".
When he finds that he has grown up and has strength, he will talk back and fight with you.
In the TV series "Daddy Is Home", when Du Du changed his shoes, he accidentally bumped into his pregnant mother, and his father yelled at her without saying a word.
The aggrieved Dudu ran away from home after a big fight with his father.
On the way, I met a strange boy and followed him to the bar without a word.
When she was drunk, she gambled and said: I will give him a pregnancy too!
It is a pity that a 16-year-old girl chose to fight back her father's yelling in this way.
When the child is a child, the parents roar twice, and he can only express protest by crying and not saying a word.
But when he grows up and has strength, he will fight back in a more extreme way.
Second, this kind of "quitting yelling" is more effective
01. Lower the volume
The following father is facing his daughter's misconduct, but it is a completely different approach.
In "Young Pi", Lin Miaomiao disliked her father's profession and forced her father to change jobs.
Lin Miaomiao's mother was angry and slapped her daughter. Angrily denounced her as "unconscionable".
Lin Miaomiao's father did not get angry when he saw the situation, but hugged his daughter who was a little out of control, waited for her to calm down, and then explained the cause and effect to her.
Lin Miaomiao finally understood the significance of her father's job and was proud of her father.
This kind of whispered education makes it easier for children to listen and also reduces unnecessary family conflicts.
Qian Zhiliang, a professor at Peking University, once said: The smaller the voice of the child who blames the child, the more seriously the child listens, the better the educational effect.
Wild storms can only bring devastation, and wind and rain can feed the seedlings to grow.
02. Press the pause button
Writer Natalie Brown has three children, Bell, 7, Milan, 4, and Gold, 2, who often fights, quarrels, and makes the family jump.
But she rarely yells at her children, and always communicates with her children in a angry manners. How did she do it?
It turned out that every time there was a conflict with the child, in order not to get angry, she would hide in the bathroom and take a deep breath.
Wait for yourself to calm down, and then go to solve the disputes between children such as grabbing remote controls, grabbing toys, pulling hair, etc.
Psychological research has shown that a person's stormy anger generally does not last more than 12 seconds.
So when you're angry, press the pause button on the emotion. Dodge these 12 seconds, and the wind and waves will calm down.
When we regain our sanity and remain calm, we tend to be better at solving problems.
03, if you really can't hold back and yell at the child, you must take care of the aftermath
Montessori said that every character defect is caused by some kind of mistreatment experienced in early childhood.
Yelling at the child for a while vented our anger, but our momentary "coolness" caused indelible "pain" to the child.
If you can't help but yell at your child, please take care of the aftermath in time, put down your body, apologize to your child, and minimize the harm.
Tell him:
"Although your mother yelled at you, your mother's love for you has never diminished, your mother should not lose her temper with you, and next time your mother will talk well." 」
After yelling at the child, we need to self-detract from tracing the source of our emotions, like peeling an onion, and seeing the real resistance. And think about how to deal with it calmly the next time you encounter a similar situation.
Write in the last words:
Of course, for most parents, quitting yelling is not something you can do right away after you know the method.
But the road is obstructed and long, and the line is coming.
I believe that every parent who loves their children and has a sense of responsibility will hold a heart of self-growth and reach the other shore without roaring or screaming in self-healing time and again.
Like my article, welcome to pay attention to likes, forwards, so that more people on the road to parenting are not confused!