Author:Yiming (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
What should I do if my child plays games in the middle of the night?
After a father took the child to a place, the boy quickly understood the father's hard heart.
It turned out that a teenage boy in Fujian played a game until two o'clock in the morning, and when his father found out, he did not get angry with his son or reason with his son.
Instead, he was taken to a small market, where the boy found that it was not yet three o'clock in the morning and that the vendors had already opened their doors.
An aunt who sells breakfast said that because of the perennial wind and sun, her hands are like old bark, and she will crack her mouth when it is cold.
An uncle who sells vegetables told the boy that because he has no culture, he will not use WeChat, and can only let his daughter teach himself, all of which have suffered from no culture.
On the way back, the boy told his father that if he didn't study well, he would have a very hard time, and he shouldn't be obsessed with games.
Looking at the whole incident, I really praised the father's way of education, without a word of scolding, without a word of complaint, so that the child understood some truths.
Many times, we think that reasoning is the most correct way to educate children, but we don't know that children have long been bored with listening and are eager to run away immediately.
As the thinker Rousseau said, the three most useless methods of education in the world are: reasoning, temper tantrums, and deliberate emotion.
The more "reasonable" the parents, the more rebellious the children are
In the former hit drama "Young Pi", Lin Miaomiao, a high school girl, is good at liberal arts and painting, and her science results are very poor.
After a parent-teacher meeting, Wang Shengnan bitterly told his daughter how important it was to choose science, but Miaomiao said that science herself really did not want to give up.
Upon hearing this, Wang Shengnan was anxious, and she said that she entrusted lin Miaomiao to send to the experimental class not to let her study liberal arts, but to let Lin Miaomiao learn science.
He also said that the liberal arts are useless, and that good science is good for employment.
As a result, Lin Miaomiao was very resistant to her mother's advice and arrangement, and she chose her favorite liberal arts.
The mother's eyes are focused on "useful", while the daughter's eyes are focused on "likes and good at", and the mother's reasoning ultimately does not convince the daughter.
She didn't care about the reality of Lin Miaomiao's partial subjects, nor did she care where Lin Miaomiao's interests were, so she had to force her to choose science.
Many times, we always have a condescending attitude, thinking that children do not understand these truths, and need more experience and insight to give us guidance, these points are exactly what children are most disgusted with.
In psychology, this mental phenomenon is called "projection psychology."
That is, attributing psychological characteristics such as one's own personality, likes and dislikes, desires, concepts, and emotions to others, and then unconsciously imposing one's will on others.
This psychological action on the free will of others is itself a kind of bondage and bondage, which can easily trigger the rebellion of children.
This kind of concept will also make the child afraid that once he does not abide by those big truths, that is, he is not good enough and does not deserve to be loved, and he will lack a sense of security in his heart.
Many times, the power of understanding and feeling is much greater than that of reasoning.
Smart parents, often "unreasonable"
I watched an interesting video.
A little girl of about 3 years old stood on the table and told her father next to her that she wanted to jump off the table.
Dad didn't say anything, took an egg directly from the side and put it on the edge of the table, the egg rolled down from the table, "snapped" and fell to the ground and shattered, and the egg liquid flowed to the ground.
Dad asked, "What happened to the eggs?" ”
"The egg is broken!" The girl said. Dad said that if you jump down, you will be like this egg, and it will break.
The little girl immediately showed a scared expression and quickly told her father that I didn't want to jump anymore.
The father was so wise that his education not only prevented his daughter from making dangerous moves, but also made her understand the seriousness of the consequences.
Wise parents know how to knock on the side.
Once saw a small story shared by netizens:
On the subway, I saw a little boy eating, and my mother said to him, "Son, there are three sheep on the subway, and a wolf came halfway through, so how many sheep are there?" ”
The little boy said confidently, "There are no sheep, because they were eaten by wolves, and I already knew about my mother." ”
Unexpectedly, my mother said, "No, there are 3 sheep because you can't eat on the subway." ”
After the child listened, he silently put away the snack.
This mother's education not only takes into account the child's face, but also transforms the truth into a small story. Make it easy for your child to accept their own opinions.
Many times, the more parents try to stop it, the more the child has to do it, and smart parents will let the child understand the truth in a way that the child can accept.
In this way, the child's impression will also be more profound.
As the former Soviet educator Sukhomlinsky said: "In any kind of educational phenomenon, the less the child feels the intention of the educator, the greater the educational effect of his education." ”
Children make mistakes, how do parents do it?
1, let the child to experience the truth, not to understand the truth
I saw a news.
There was a little boy who found school particularly hard and told his mother that he didn't want to go to school anymore.
The mother did not get angry when she heard her son say this, and agreed to the child's request.
But his mother told him that when he was not in school, he needed to go to the street to collect scraps to make money, and he had enough money to take a vacation.
At first, the child was still excited, but soon he was tired and sweaty.
When he got home, he wanted to take the bus, and his mother told him that you didn't earn enough money today to take the bus, you had to walk home.
Although the child is reluctant to walk, there is no way.
On the way, his mother asked him, do you want to go to school or work now? The child replied without hesitation, I want to go to school!
The mother did not preach a word, so that the child understood the truth in his own experience.
Therefore, no matter how many big truths are said, it is better to let the children experience it for themselves.
2. Acceptance and respect are better than a thousand preaching
The heart-warming cartoon "Gone with the Wind" tells the story of a flying boy.
The little boy learned to float with the dandelion, and although Dad was happy, he was worried about the strange eyes of his neighbors.
He came up with ways to keep the kids from flying away.
But when he passed the playground, his son still broke free and flew out, but no one around wanted to play with him.
Dad was completely angry, and he shouted to his son, can't you be normal?
The son listened very desperately, he silently tightened his hat, closed his eyes, and let the tears flow on his cheeks...
Looking at the child's sad look, the father understands that how others look at the child is not important at all, what is important is to respect the child's personality characteristics, he can grow up healthily.
The father no longer stops the child, the child happily flies around the playground, and the child becomes very happy and happy.
American psychologist Scott Pike wrote in his book The Road Few:
"Parents who truly love their children understand that to love their children, they must respect their children, respect their wishes and feelings, and respect their right to make decisions."
Children who are unconditionally accepted by their parents can free themselves, bloom themselves, and become a successful and happy person.
3, we practice what we preach to our children, and education can come to fruition
When the famous scientist Qian Xuesen educates his children, he rarely says what to do, but instead practices what he preaches and sets an example for the children.
For example, he likes to read, every night after 7 o'clock is his study time, this time no one can disturb, even if the weather is hot, cold, will overcome all kinds of discomfort, quiet reading.
Because of this, his concept of "endless reading" is deeply implanted in the hearts of children, and children have achieved extraordinary achievements one by one.
True family education is not a kind of imperceptible education, parents practice it, let the children see.
Parents can be the best of themselves in order to educate the best children.
There is a classic line in the movie "After Forever": We have heard countless truths, but we still can't live this life.
As a parent, if you are also a reasonable person, then next time you can not try to persuade your children, try today's method, you will receive a surprise.
Raising children is a difficult and long practice.
Only by truly understanding children, and setting a good example for children, and growing up with children, can we harvest a positive sunshine and excellent good children.
About the author: YiMing, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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