When you meet such a mother-in-law, don't think about getting her, you should do it ...

Sisters Tea Party   

Let's talk

New Year's relatives

New Year to deal with the seven aunts and eight aunts,

Do you have any tips?

After a hard year, I was the happiest to go home for the New Year! It's just that I'm most afraid of the sudden "concern" of the seven aunts and eight aunts: asking about income, marriage, children...

Smart girl come to support, how do you skillfully deal with the excess curiosity, excessive concern, and privacy issues of your relatives?

What wonderful words do you want to share with other fairies?

Or how did you get the upper hand in previous years?

Reply to the official account dialog box

#relatives#+you

think

Content shared with us

, we are waiting for you here~

*Title source: Question 1 of this issue of Micro-Q&A

Get started with new powder

Question 1

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: mother-in-law 

Dear doll goddesses and little fairies, thank you for having you all the way, and now I have met, loved, married and had children with my beloved male god~ Now I want to consult the problem of getting along with my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. 

My husband and I have been married for two years, the relationship has always been very good, the mobile phone can see the financial power to write my name before my marriage, I adore my husband in my life, and I feel very lucky to meet such a good husband. I gave birth to my baby girl for 3 months, and my mother is taking care of us until the third trimester.

Not long ago, my husband was promoted, my husband was busier with work, and I went to work without taking paternity leave, and my husband was afraid that there would be more things during the confinement period, so I took my mother-in-law over. After my mother-in-law came, she said that she had not been feeling well recently and her mental state was not good, so my mother took care of most of the housework. When my husband saw that my mother-in-law was not in good health, I took my mother-in-law to seek medical treatment everywhere, and went to the hospital every morning for examination and then went to work, and it was very hard to work overtime every day.

Finally, it was tuberculosis and asked our whole family to go for examination, and the chest CT had an effect on breastfeeding, and I secretly cried several times in those days.

My mother-in-law treated us for a while, and after the diagnosis plan came out, she said that she wanted to go home for treatment, and she stayed for more than a month to go home, and we paid for the treatment, and I gave her red envelopes when I went back. 

Please ask the baby sister how should I usually get along with my mother-in-law, my husband mentioned before that my mother and mother-in-law take turns to take the baby, I am a little worried that her disease may be transmitted to the baby, and I am afraid that she will not get along with her glass heart (before she and her husband made a fuss because of small things, crying and making trouble and not eating, my husband knelt and begged her that she would not eat), what should I do if she wants to come and take the baby in the future?

answer

The disease of tuberculosis is indeed a bit tricky. I suggest that with the baby, you simply don't expect your mother-in-law in the future.

If she wants to come and bring the baby, tell her that it will affect the child, which is her own grandson. You can quote experts and say that "doctors say that this disease is easily contagious" and "it is particularly bad for children's health". Moreover, you are now affected by breastfeeding, which can also be used as a good starting point.

It is indeed more miserable to encounter such a thing, but it is not too big to feed it, so many children drink milk powder and grow up well. Since the mother-in-law is not easy to get along with, you simply make up your mind to bring the baby yourself and let the mother-in-law stay at home with peace of mind. At the same time, you can also tell your husband these worries truthfully, but remember not to say bad things about your mother-in-law, what you say is just out of the perspective of worrying about your family and children.

Some things are like this, whether it is mother-in-law or mother, some elders really can't get along with us all the time. Especially like your mother-in-law who will torture people without eating, you should try to create conditions and do not stay with her for a long time, otherwise it will hurt yourself for a long time.

Question 2

Keywords: second child 

Hello baby sister, hope to be drawn. Thank you 

I am 29, alone, 155, 47kg, undergraduate, 110,000 years old, parents divorced with complete social security, two houses in the county, father is good du (often asks for money), mother is emotionally unstable 

Husband 30, non-alone (unmarried) 165, 67kg, undergraduate, 110,000 years old, rural self-housing, in-laws have good feelings without social security 

University alumni, together for 9 years, married for 4 years, has a daughter 3 years old with high emotional concentration, in super first-tier cities, can not afford to buy a house in the future, second-tier cities jointly borrowed a house, because of a child medical accident, the whole month in the hospital, now every month will have a headache, need to take medicine, go to the hospital to check that there is no problem

The old man said that confinement disease confinement raise, every time a headache attack, will impulsively want a second child, but when the body is fine, do not want a second child, ask the husband what he thinks, say it's okay, the in-laws will give birth, if you want a second child, you need to trouble your mother-in-law to help

Father-in-law takes over work in his hometown, high income is high and does not want to come out, mother-in-law herself alone in our family is not used to (a child is mother-in-law is helping to bring the baby), in-laws think that our husband and wife have a lot of things, think that it is the same to bring children back to their hometown to raise (my own mother is not suitable for bringing a baby, do not consider) 

We can't accept that the child is not around, and the result of communicating with my husband is that if you decide to have a second child, you must have it as soon as possible, and when his brother gets married and has a child, my mother-in-law will not have time, financially we can't afford to hire an aunt, and I have to go to work, in this case, really entangled, should I have a second child? If so, how to communicate with the elderly?

answer

The situation in your family is that your own mother is not suitable for bringing a baby, and you refuse to give the child to your in-laws, and you cannot accept that the child is not around. Let me be fair to say this: this is not the hypocrisy of people like you who have a combined family income of 220,000 a year.

In this matter, I very much agree with your in-laws, that is: "You have a lot of things to do as a couple".

Financially, you can't afford to hire an aunt, you have to go to work, life is so difficult, you have to be pretentious, and you have to insist on putting your children by your side, you have no cloth ability, but you have a cloth heart, no stone ability, but want to get the benefits of stone. This is useless and can only torture yourself and those around you. Because what you want, you do not have the qualifications and ability to get. I haven't seen such a pretentious couple in a long time.

Or I often say that some people, who may have been destined to have 1.2 children, are destined to suffer if they have to turn that 0.2 into a whole. If you don't want to eat at all, and you want everything to go smoothly and take advantage of the cheap, then the 0.2 children that could have been cashed out are gone.

How to monetize? You give the child to your in-laws to take with you, take it to school, and then come back, although the eldest may be separated from your parents for three or four years, but you can at least have one more child and less risk of losing your independence.

If I want to say, you should completely listen to your in-laws, give them the children, and sincerely thank your in-laws for being willing to help you, and then have a second child, which is the right way. If you can't be grateful to your in-laws, and you are murdered and delusional, thinking that they are going to separate your exclusive children, then you are destined to have only one child. If you only have this one child, you will naturally bear the risk of losing your independence. You carry it yourself.

Also, spend more time on making money, raising children needs money, I hope you can make good money and pave a good future for your children.

If you need your child more than you need it, you are taking emotional value into your child. Hope to know.

Old fans advanced

Question 3

Keywords: family conflicts 

I am grateful to the doll for helping me answer my doubts 

I am 37,38kg158, alone, stony mainly a bit clothy. 

My husband is the same age, 60kg171, alone, cloth stone or stone cloth, the income is the same as me in the early stage, but in recent years it has increased almost twice as much as me, and the cloth sex has increased. 

We have been married for ten years, with a 4-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. Usually the relationship is very good, inseparable, financial power handed over, he is very self-motivated, responsible for the family is good to me, and will cook when not busy. 

My mother is very clothed and likes to guide others in life, and my husband feels that she interferes too much in our lives when she lives together.

We were abroad, and before my mother came to help take care of the children, every time I came to live for a few months, it was fine to come a few times. But since my mother came two years ago, we have not handled small matters well, and the conflict has escalated to a very serious level.

The cause is that the child is naughty, and my mother said that if you are naughty, Dad will beat you. My husband was very angry and fierce, and my mother said don't say that! I didn't know what to do at the time, and at night I told my husband that he shouldn't be so loud about my mother, and then the more and more noisy, he was so excited that he said that he wanted a divorce and broke his hand.

I told my mother that my husband was not disrespectful to her, but just angry that this would destroy his relationship with the child, and my mother felt very wronged.

After that, I quarreled with him, my mother and I had a lot of fights, small quarrels and big quarrels, and I could only let my mother return to China as soon as possible. It took my husband and I a year to return to our former happiness.

Please ask doll 

1. What can I do at that time to avoid subsequent upgrades? 

2. In the future, my mother will come to live for a short time, how should I communicate with them to minimize conflicts 

3. How can conflicts be avoided from becoming more serious in the future?

answer

First of all, if both of you are stone cloth attributes, it is impossible to get along, and it is very easy to separate, and there will be no possibility that the relationship will return to its previous happiness after your mother is gone.

Chinese stone cloth men and Chinese stone men basically do not appear abroad. But even if it is a foreign native stone cloth man or a stone man, for our Chinese, their nature is also a little cut. Both of you husband and wife are abroad, you must be very clothed, he must also have scissive, otherwise how will he migrate, how to communicate with the locals? So the attributes you judge are not accurate.

In addition, judging by your description, your mother is also a very cloth person. You quarrel, the essence of this matter is: you invite your mother to bring the child, she borrows the "knife" in her way to scare people, your husband does not want to be this borrowed "knife", so there is a contradiction.

At the moment, if I were you, I might say to my husband: It's really wrong for my mother to say this, how can I say this about my husband, my husband is such a gentle person, as if my mother said, he became fierce and vicious.

If you can tell your husband's thoughts for him, he will be able to understand your feelings. Coupled with his scissors, he may take the initiative to apologize and say: Oh, I shouldn't have murdered our mother.

But if you stand on the opposite side and scold him when he is wronged, then this contradiction will be intensified by you and cannot be ended.

It is good for your mother to come and help you bring the baby, but because you do not have the ability to reconcile, you are not destined to enjoy this blessing. It's better not to let your mother live together, you work hard yourself, at least there will be fewer family conflicts. But whether your mother comes or not, you have to remember one thing: when anything happens, you have to stand on your husband's side and think from his point of view.

Objectively, your husband should be a man with strong shears. When he hears your mother say to the child, "No matter how naughty the father is, he will hit you", he is very angry, which shows that he is likely not to hit the child and does not like to hit the child. Men with strong cloth sex will generally beat children, and there is an ancient saying "filial piety under the stick", which refers to the understanding of children's education by men with heavy cloth. So he really doesn't cloth.

And to treat your mother, he just said "don't say that", how can this be called murderous? But anyone who changes his personality to be more violent may simply slam the door and leave, or scold people loudly. And he broke his hand and didn't hurt you, which means that when he was particularly excited, he didn't even scold you, he just wanted to separate from you, which also shows that he is very scissive. Otherwise, he won't be able to get along with you and your mother.

You and your mother are stronger than most people, so in the eyes of others, you and your mother are more intimidating, and he starts to have an argument with you later, which is just self-preservation. You need to know this so that you can figure out the big and small things that might happen in the future.

My son is very clothed, and I often tell my son: A fierce person like you, only when you are careful to please others will others think that you are talking normally. When you speak normally, others already think that you are murderous.

In the same way, I send this sentence to you.

When you think that you are kneeling to hold your husband, you have just fulfilled your duties as a wife;

If you get along with your husband according to your original personality, you are already bullying your husband;

If you want to quarrel with your husband, it is equivalent to walking to the brink of divorce that is unacceptable to normal people.

I hope you know that you are most likely a very, very cloth person who is going to have what you are facing now. When you already think that you have achieved the ceiling in terms of human feelings, it is actually just the normal level of ordinary people.

Question 4

Keywords: face control 

Hello baby goddess, I have been following you for a long time, my marriage problems have been bothering us for a long time, I hope you can help solve it 

I, 1984, 168 53kg tall, undergraduate, not alone, we are in second-tier cities, after marriage, buy a house in my own name, work in my husband's company, the child has been brought by myself at the age of 13 

Husband: 1980, height 176 110kg undergraduate, alone, a house in the name of the husband and wife, and a set in the name of his parents 

Photo presented, hope not to burst, thank you 

Our problem is that I am very resistant to having a relationship with him, even if I know that this is a husband and wife obligation, but he has always asked for it and even often quarreled about it, we have made various efforts, but it still can't change my bad feelings, I am Yan Control, but at that time, because I reached the age of marriage, I met him through blind dates, and I felt that he was filial and steadfast and enterprising, and he always loved me very much after marriage, but I now only have affection for him, I have no desire at all, I have been asked for more times, and I barely have a relationship, It's also painful and tormenting.

I have filed for divorce many times, he did not accept it and then promised not to force me in the future (I also care about the children's soft heart), but after a long time, I began to ask again, and the cycle continued ~ In fact, I feel that I am not x cold, I just don't want to talk to him, I mind his weight, and he also knows that weight loss and fitness have failed for this ~

Please ask the goddess, should I go for psychological counseling~ The road of divorce may not work, I have communicated with the child and he collapsed directly~ I am very troubled by this, thank you to the doll goddess

answer

Judging by the photos, you are well maintained. It doesn't look like a 39-year-old girl, she likes to dress up and love beauty, and she looks like a cloth cutter, and the reason why you will encounter this kind of problem in your relationship is also because you have a lot of "fantasies exclusive to cloth cutters".

When the cutter is young, they are very favored, so they will always live with the mentality of youth, and it is difficult to accept that they will no longer be young one day. By now, there must be many people around you who want to choose you short-term, they make you mistakenly think that you can get better love, and then aggravate your dislike of your husband.

There are two possibilities for your marriage:

First, your husband will definitely take revenge on you. Maybe not now, but in the future, when your outer cut fades and you don't have so many options, probably around 45. The way to retaliate against you is most likely to spend money to solve the problem, after all, from the photo, he is not attractive.

And because of the decline in your choice, you can't find a better person away from him, and at that time, it is you who needs the relationship more than him, and you will be treated by him like he is now holding on to feelings, and you will have to accommodate him, and you may even be infected by him. Don't think that this kind of thing is far away from you, since female stars will encounter it, you are more likely to encounter it as an ordinary person.

The second is that you insist on divorce, and after the divorce, you were deceived for two rounds, and finally came back to him, hoping to spend a peaceful life with him. It's just that at this time, the conditions, treatment and so on, it has to be opened by this boy.

I've seen many couples like yours who end up with very bad results. If you want to escape these two endings, you have to learn the theory of emotions from now on, which will help you in the future.

Knowledge Planet Pico Quiz Questions

01

Keyword: privacy disclosure 

Dear baby sister, good noon, all marriage masters. Last week, the doll sister said a question about other people's privacy, and I want to ask what should I do if my privacy is exposed by a very familiar friend?

It is a high school classmate who develops into a relatively close girlfriend (not the closest girlfriend), the situation is that the girlfriend will talk to me every day, sometimes complaining, sometimes gossip, sometimes sharing where to eat and where to play what arrangements are there today (but I will not share such a trivial thing, instinctively a little resistant to sharing no feelings only send a picture to say more trivial things like going out to eat), and there are also more private emotional problems.

There was always a feeling in my relationship that I should have reservations about this person, but I was never guarded against her. I didn't expect to hear from other people about the very private things I had only told her, and all the original words came out, and named who it was (there was a group photo), and there were already several people in between.

I found that she had talked about the privacy things she had talked about since before, and she knew about this matter for about half a month now, and now she doesn't have much trust in her, and she doesn't want to pay much attention to it, and she plans to slowly distance herself away and stop making deep friends (she may not know that I already know that she did these things).

I don't know how to face this person in the future, how should I deal with this kind of thing? (The showdown may currently lead to conflicts between the friend's aunt and sister-in-law who told me about it, because it was the friend's husband's sister who said it, and she promised not to say it in front of her aunt and husband)

answer

Stay away slowly, quietly, let time fade, and don't let the other person know that you are away from her because of this.

02

Keywords: social terror 

Hello baby sister and all marriage rules, please ask a question, does the characteristic of social fear belong to the outer stone or the core stone?

answer

Is there a lot of social fear in China? Where did the word social terror come from? Which country has more social fears?