01
Many people do not know how to balance the relationship between their original family and their own small family.
Men with low emotional intelligence will only be embarrassed, or a strong bias towards the original family, while men with high emotional intelligence know that the most important thing is to take care of their own small family.
Because two people form a family and have the next generation, then two people have to do their best to raise this child and plan for the future of the child.
At this time, your little family is a community of destiny, and you share the responsibility of a family and resist all risks together.
And your original family, when you leave home and go to society, you and your brothers and sisters are no longer a whole, you will have your own families, you will have your own responsibilities, and you will have your own different futures.
And your parents will leave you one step at a time, and before that, you just need to do your filial piety as a child.
Everyone actually understands this truth, but there are always some people who can't do it. They may be because they have too deep feelings for the original family, so after marriage, they will always favor the original family.
And the consequence of this is that he did not take care of the small family, nor did he take care of the original family, but he made the relationship between the family more and more rigid.
In the face of such a situation, some women will choose to endure and continue to live, although these women's hearts will always press this matter, but because there is no better choice, or because they are reluctant, they will choose to forgive their husbands for these behaviors, and then continue to live.
And some women, because they can't stand such a life, will choose divorce.
02
Duan Yilan (pseudonym) encountered such a situation. Her husband, Tian Kangcheng (not his real name), is a man who is very concerned about his original family. Before marriage, she did not feel that there was anything wrong with this, but she felt that such a Tian Kangcheng was a good man who cared for the family, and a man who could be so good to the family would definitely be very good to her in the future.
Therefore, among the many suitors, she still chose Tian Kangcheng, and what she valued was his kindness to his family. After all, if two people are married, they need to spend decades together for decades, decades of time, enough to dilute the love between two people, and if you want to live a good life, you need to rely on the conscience and sense of responsibility of men.
And she saw that conscience and sense of responsibility in Tian Kangcheng, because he was too good for the people of the original family. This goodness made her marry Tian Kangcheng with hope and longing. And after marriage, it is also this good that makes her bear too many grievances.
After marriage, she has always regretted her original decision. But regret is useless, the marriage is already married, the child is also there, she can't do too decisive. When they were newly married, watching him treat his sister better than to her, she was wronged, she complained, and she even lost her temper. But Tian Kangcheng still goes his own way, and his kindness to his sister is simply responsive and spoiled to the extreme. If she dared to say that his sister was not good, he would have a big fight with her, and even have a cold war with her.
After marriage, although she was aggrieved and angry, she thought that when she had children in the future, he should change, so she did not choose to give up this marriage and continued to endure it.
After having children, she thought he would change, that he would care more about his own flesh and blood, but she still underestimated his feelings for his sister, and he cared more about his sister than his son. When his son was sick, if he was busy, he would let Duan Yilan take care of his son by himself, but if it was his sister who was sick, he would definitely drop everything and run home to take care of his sister.
All this made her very angry, and she wanted to leave the house, but she was reluctant to have a son, nor did she have the courage to raise him alone. Although the husband's income is average, the husband's salary is also gradually increasing. For now, her husband's income plus her income can only live a little more generously, and if she chooses to divorce and leave with her son, then by her own income, that life can only be tight.
Therefore, after having a child, she endured all this because of the child, and endured without breaking out, still struggling to maintain the marriage. By this time, her relationship with her in-laws had become very unpleasant.
Tian Kangcheng couldn't do anything about it, he only knew that Duan Yilan let his parents and sister go, and he didn't say a word of justice for her at all. At this time, Duan Yilan was already extremely disappointed in this man, and she would be willing to continue to maintain this marriage for the sake of their children.
But the marriage didn't last. One day six years later, Duan Yilan inadvertently learned that her husband had secretly borrowed money to buy a house for his sister. In the past, she bought her son a set of clothes, and he had to say that she was half a day, and he actually gave his sister a loan to buy a house.
And she didn't even know that he had so much money, she had always thought that his income was average all these years. The income of the two of them is enough to spend on their usual expenses, and they cannot save money at all.
Under her questioning, he confessed that his business has been getting better and better over the years, and his income has become higher and higher, and now his monthly salary has reached 20,000, but he has concealed most of his income, saying only that his monthly salary is only eight thousand, and this is to buy a house for his sister.
Until this time, Duan Yilan woke up to the fact that there was no need to continue this marriage at all, if it continued, then she would only hold back for a lifetime, he would not have any change in this life, maybe his son would have to be a cow and a horse for that selfish sister-in-law in the future, rather than that, it was better to take his son away from this disgusting family.
She resolutely filed for divorce and gave him no room for redemption at all. And because of the house, she also filed a lawsuit with the court, which she felt was the joint property of the marital couple, and he was not entitled to give it to others without her consent.
In the end, she got half of the property in the divorce, and because of what he did, she also managed to get custody of the children. And Tian Kangcheng, after losing his wife and children, is estimated to live a lifetime with his sister.
From the stories of Duan Yilan and Tian Kangcheng, we can understand two truths.
03
One: Taking care of the small family is the high emotional intelligence of men.
Taking care of the small family is the high emotional intelligence of men, but many men do not understand this truth, and they will often favor the original family. The consequence of this is that his wife will become more and more disappointed in him, and the wife will lose a good impression of his family. In this way, the relationship between the two sides will only become more and more rigid, and the man will only become a sandwich cake, and both ends will be angry.
This is not the most serious consequence, the most serious consequence is that men are likely to lose their small home for such reasons.
Therefore, men with high emotional intelligence will take care of their small families after marriage, only in this way can the whole family be harmonious. And a man's wife will also be better to her in-laws because the man is good to her.
And the man should know that for the rest of his life, it is his wife and children who will accompany him, not his parents and siblings. Therefore, he can take care of the original family, but he must also take care of the small family, and he cannot let his wife feel that he is a kind of man who only cares about the original family and does not care about the small family.
04
Two: Between husband and wife, some wrong forgiveness is connivance.
Many women, when they find their husbands' mistakes, will choose to forgive each other easily because they take into account each other's feelings and want to live a good life. They expect their husbands to correct them, and they hope that their husbands will understand their hardships.
But they often don't wait for the results they want, and they only wait for disappointment again and again. It's like Duan Yilan.
When he first finds out that something is wrong, if the wife forgives her husband, the husband will not recognize his mistakes, and he will think that his actions are correct, so the wife's forgiveness of the husband becomes the wife's connivance with the husband.
So the husband will repeat those wrong behaviors again and again, and they will become more serious. Therefore, women should understand that between husband and wife, some mistakes of forgiveness are connivance. When you first find a problem, the wife should deal with it seriously, do not be soft-hearted, and make sure that the husband recognizes his mistakes. Only in this way can a woman live a good life after marriage.
Text/No Pen