Engaged in the emotional industry for many years, I often come into contact with some more pessimistic clients. These visitors often say at the first moment: Teacher, is my situation irretrievable? My girlfriend said that if he really wants to break up, it is irretrievable, and it can be saved, all because the other party's attitude of breaking up is not firm enough, I think my boyfriend is very determined, we are not possible.
This view is not appropriate. Whether it can be salvaged or not is related to whether the problem has been resolved or not, and it has nothing to do with the other party's firm attitude.
We often hear things like this:
I have used many ways to redeem it, but it is useless...
I went to him many times and didn't want to forgive me...
His attitude is very resolute, there is no possibility...
You have all those ways on the Internet, and it doesn't work at all...
When many people encounter a breakup, they are often anxious to solve the separation and ignore the problem that led to separation, so there will be a dilemma of being rejected by the other party when they are redeemed, because you can't give the other party a reason why they want to come back.
It cannot be denied that there are many articles on the Internet that save skills, such as disconnection, promotion, presentation of value, and so on.
But these are only a more macro view, just like getting sick, other people tell you to take medicine, this view itself is not wrong, but there are many kinds of medicine, but also the frequency and way of eating, does not mean that according to what other people say to take medicine, no matter what medicine, and then eat at will can be good, right?
At the same time, sometimes taking medicine at random may even make the condition more serious.
1, disconnection does not mean to solve the problem
Some visitors will say in consultation:
"There was no contact for X days after the breakup, and then I couldn't help but go to him, and he was still very determined."
First of all, we need to understand what is the purpose of the disconnection? Why disconnect? What role can disconnection play?
When you break up, you may experience a fierce dispute, and even have a physical irrationality, even if it is a calm separation, each other's emotional state is relatively bad.
When people are in a bad mood, they can't think about problems with a normal mood, so no matter what you say or do at this time, the other party can't understand it.
Therefore, the disconnection is to let each other's negative emotions dilute first, and then use this time to prepare for the preparation of redemption, does not mean that time has passed, the problem has been solved.
2, display does not mean brush screen random hair
A visitor once reported that he had seen a way to show value in the circle of friends on the Internet before, and then tried it, but there was no effect, and he was also blocked by the other party.
When asked how to send a circle of friends, she replied:
"It's that I send my own selfies every day, and I go to play, and some eat and drink, and the online shows that I enjoy life."
Using the circle of friends to let the other party see their own changes is indeed one of the ways to present value, but it does not mean that everything will have an effect.
For example, sending a selfie, I believe everyone has heard the phrase "things are rare and expensive", which means that the rarer the more rare things are, the more rare they are.
If you go to the circle of friends all day long to send selfies, even if you really become as beautiful as Tianxian, the other party will watch more, and slowly become aesthetic fatigue.
Enjoying life means passing on your current attitude and way of life to the other party, so that the other party can feel your transformation, not eating, drinking and having fun.
If a person is excellent, positive, and the way of life is also tasteful and colorful, then the impression you give will also be positive, sunny, and full of positive energy.
The photos of eating and drinking and going out to play can only show that you are a foodie, and a plaything person who has lost his mind and cannot bring you any value.
3, reunion does not mean frequent small talk
After a long period of separation, the people who have been saved will be very much looking forward to the time they will spend together again, and they will be extremely excited in the face of renewed communication.
When they are able to re-communicate with the other party again, many people will seem very excited, think that the problem should be almost solved, and even feel that they will feel that they are back in love at the beginning.
Then frequently go to the other party to chat, even until there is no topic to talk about, and then change back to the beginning of the relationship, what the other party is doing, why not reply to the message.
Such behavior is already an ultra vires. The fact that small talk can be resumed only means that the salvage has entered the introductory stage, does not mean that the problem has been solved.
Frequent small talk will only make the mystery you created in front disappear without a trace, and even the cold field of the topic will make the other party have a feeling that there is nothing to say to you.
4) Meeting does not mean restoring the relationship
When the progress of redemption has entered a white-hot situation, usually a meeting will be requested between the two. Many people who have redeemed themselves have reached this step and thought that it was time for harvest.
Then at the time of the meeting, he seemed very excited, and even impatiently proposed a compound request with the other party, and finally was rejected again.
Meeting just means that your intimate relationship has progressed to a certain extent, just like when you first met, the two would go out to meet and date.
What to do at this time is to use the meeting to constantly present changes with the other party and create attraction.
If you are too eager to come up with the idea of compounding, it is easy to ruin the feelings that have been created for the other party.
Just as the way each couple falls in love cannot be replicated, so is the way of redemption.
Because the way you get along is different, the events that happen are different, and the reasons for separation are different.
So, how can the way to solve the problem be the same?
Recovery is a process of solving problems one link at a time, and a mistake in one link will also interfere with the results of recovery.
Why do I need to see a doctor when I have a disease? Because of his professional ability to clearly know what medicine we take, how to eat it, and what frequency it is, to heal our condition.
The same is true for redemption, professional emotional experts, in order to give you the most appropriate way to save the idea, but also targeted solutions, only in this way can you really solve the problems between you, so that your love affair can be reborn.