David graduated from kindergarten to attend boarding elementary school, the choice of a wheat field watchman!

This fall, David is going to boarding primary school, The Cradle of Nobel, Dade Primary School, five days a week, and two days home on weekends.

David visited Dade Elementary School twice and he loved it.

Most of the reactions of friends when they heard this news were, are you parents willing to do it? Too young, is the child willing to go? Will the child not eat well and sleep well?

On the one hand, searching for the keyword "boarding school", it was found that everyone was most worried about the lack of parent-child feelings, and concluded that day schools can give children more companionship.

On the other hand, we have also communicated with the parents of students in the school, not only did not hear the worries on the Internet, but heard the conclusion that "boarding schools enhance parent-child feelings", and even some mothers said, "Professional things are handed over to professional people to do, regret that they did not send the boss to boarding school."

Sending David to boarding elementary school, emotionally, we are really reluctant to do so.

However, on the whole, especially compared with the actual situation of the nearest school, such as work and rest time, large class teaching, etc., Dade Primary School is the best choice for David to attend primary school.

Day primary school means high-quality companionship, which is a false proposition

Children who go to primary school can theoretically get more parent-child companionship time.

From school at three o'clock in the afternoon to rest at ten o'clock in the evening, it is also said that if parents allow, there are seven hours of time to accompany their children.

In fact, parents arrive home at six o'clock every day after work, it is early, the time to eat and clean up has reached eight o'clock, and then remove the time for the child to wash, and the time for parents and children to stay together alone and chat is less than two hours.

This does not take into account the situation that parents cannot accompany, because there is no time to accompany the party, because the counseling cannot accompany the situation.

Basically, the inconsistency between the primary school schedule and the parents' commuting time causes the child to spend most of the time after school in a state of self-release, and it is impossible to have continuous high-quality companionship.

Boarding schools are more likely to be high-quality companions

First of all, during the five days in school, you can also understand the children's life and learning in school through video forms to make up for the time spent with them.

Boarding reduces the time spent with parents and children, but increases the time for children to be independent.

Secondly, the scarcity effect can improve the quality of weekend parent-child companionship.

Scarce things are precious, and the two days of companionship time on weekends are more precious, which can stimulate in-depth communication and interaction between parents and children.

The time to play with children is the highest quality of companionship, the time to study in boarding school is the time to learn, and the time to play at home on weekends is the time to play.

The growth of children has little to do with parents

One is the cause of cognitive bias.

For example, if I watch David write his homework carelessly, I will let him calm down at the base of the wall for two minutes, after which he can quickly complete the homework, and the accuracy rate is good.

In fact, I didn't have any punishment later, he would suddenly remember to write his homework when he was playing, and then he would continue to play after writing his homework.

I reflected, is it really because of my influence that he completed his homework?

The child is naturally curious, he is not not writing homework, he just subconsciously feels that he can play for a while and then go to write homework.

Parents are accustomed to exaggerating their role in their children's education, which cannot be blamed on parents, because human beings like to overestimate themselves, which is called "cognitive bias" in psychology.

The second is a logical error.

Peking University He Fan said that we mistakenly regarded the correlation relationship as a causal relationship.

What does that mean? The following paragraph is a bit winding.

It is not the parenting of parents that makes children perform well, but the excellence of children stimulates the excellence of parents, so that parents are willing to treat their children more patiently and gently, which is a positive cycle, and cognitive bias leads parents to think that there is the appearance of excellent children with parenting.

We think about the family phenomena around us and carefully taste this logic.

For example, some parents do not care about their children, but their children are very good; some parents have exhausted the strength of the flood, and their children's grades have still not improved.

In fact, parents will also have an impact on their children's growth, but it is not a decisive role.

If so, what has the greatest impact on a child's development?

Teaching in large classes is my nightmare

There are less than 20 people in each class at Dade Elementary School, and if David is enrolled in the nearest elementary school, the average number of students in each class is more than 40 people, which is difficult for me to accept.

My generation is the result of large classes, the more class sizes, the more diverse the small circle culture.

I have personally experienced school bullying, and I have witnessed poor classroom discipline, and the great efforts of teachers in each class have also consumed limited teaching time.

I am also more familiar with the scene of everyone busy under the desk when the teacher writes on the podium.

People are social animals, and children have a strong desire to be with other children and gain the recognition of small circles, which is "peer pressure".

In the face of this pressure, children can only take sides, either to get recognition in the same stream, or to choose excellent and be excluded.

Some parents say that this can exercise their children's ability to adapt to the complex situation of future society, is this really the case?

If Meng Mu did not choose to choose three schools, but chose to let the young Mencius adapt to the complex social environment as soon as possible, and then have more "high-quality companionship", would there be a later "Yasheng" Mencius?

Differences in teaching quality, campus culture, and class culture cannot be compensated by children's adaptability and parents' "high-quality companionship.".

The child's true growth comes from peer groups outside the family

In The Myth of Parenting, author Judith Harris proves with numerous pieces of evidence that

In the process of children's growth, the parenting style of parents does not work on the child's development, and the real influence is the child's peer group outside the family.

Although this is counterintuitive and even a little counterintuitive, it is true.

In fact, it is also very easy to understand, because the principle of parents in home teaching cannot help children, useless reasons, fools will learn.

Man is a socialized animal, and the circle of children is also socialized.

Parents teach their children the truths of adult society, which are not necessarily useful in children's society, nor are they recognized in small circles.

On the contrary, in order to integrate into the small circle, the knowledge and truth that are recognized in the small circle, the children naturally learn quickly.

Zeng Guofan knows that the level of circle friends determines his level.

One of the ways he shared his learning with his brothers in his family letters was to make more mentors and friends, he said.

Teachers and friends are caught, although cowards also have ambitions. Gai Mingshi is a good friend, heavy clamping, can enter and can not retreat.

This means that there are excellent teachers and friends who urge you, even cowards will aspire to learn, they will affect you, and bring progress together.

The reason is the same, affecting the growth and learning of children, but also to choose the right circle and excellent group for children.

Excellent teachers stimulate the atmosphere of class learning, and the group influence between classmates in the class, holding the child on the road to learning can not retreat, the teacher's efforts to exchange back the child's excellence, more attentive to education, so that a positive cycle has been formed.

Choosing to send David to Dade Elementary School is not to say that the nearest elementary school is not good, but that there is a greater chance that we can see such a positive cycle happening.

American writer J.D. Salinger has a passage in "The Catcher in the Rye":

I'm going to be a watchman in a wheat field. ... I'm on the edge of that cliff. My duty is to watch over there. If any child comes to the edge of the cliff, I will catch him.

In the child's upbringing, we choose to do a good job as a wheat field watchman, choose the golden wheat field for the child, faithfully guard the edge of the cliff, and do not let the child fall, it is enough.

What do you think can be likened to a cliff as a child grows up?