It turns out that raising children is so hard and tiring

In the Chinese New Year's Eve of 2016, the life of a family of three began.

The first time we raised a baby, Mr. Guo and I pretended to be calm on the surface, but in our hearts we were actually uneasy, we knew that we were strong, but no one said anything broken, because there was no way out. To conceive her, to give birth to her, to raise her, is our own decision, and of course it is up to us to take responsibility, which is something that was decided at the beginning. We just need to learn how to be parents.

And when the relatives in the hometown learned that my mother did not stay to help take care of the baby, nor did she take the baby back to the old home to raise, they were very surprised, they could not imagine, a pair of novice parents who did not have any help, where did they have the courage to raise their own children?

Some people also suggested that I take the baby back to my hometown and let Mr. Guo stay alone to work, after all, there are everyone helping in my hometown.

But Mr. Guo and I agree that no matter what, our family must be together and cannot be changed. We encouraged each other: it's okay, it's going to be a lot of work at first, but it's going to be fine.

But the baby is a real person, is it really so easy to raise? Her whole body is soft and soft, not at all the same as adults, and so small, how to look at it feels that we have no experience, we can't figure it out, but there is no way back, then come hard.

Looking back now, Mr. Guo and I were very careful every time we hugged her, for fear of hurting her or making her uncomfortable. In this life, we may not use all our bodies and minds to care for a small thing. Light, slow, careful, 3 core words, became the main theme of our lives.

At that time, three people slept at night, every time they slept until midnight, Mr. Guo would always sit up violently, rummaging around the bed in a panic, asking him what he was looking for, he said anxiously looking for the baby, I was looking for the baby, so I quickly lit up the baby in my arms to show him, through the glimmer of the curtains, he eagerly saw clearly before lying down again.

He held my hand with some trepidation and told me that he always dreamed of holding the baby in his arms, but because the baby was too small, it always disappeared suddenly, and he was in a hurry, and he couldn't find it.

After a pause, he asked me again, what would you worry about if the baby was really gone?

I said, I don't know, I don't dare to think that the baby is gone, can't accept it.

He said, I worry about the baby like I worry about you, always worried that you are not by my side, others can not take good care of you. Because I feel that no one in this world can take good care of you like I do.

Listening to his words, I was a little wet with tears, but I didn't make fun of him without heart or lungs, and you didn't take good care of me.

He smiled awkwardly, held my hand tightly, and fell back to sleep.

I looked at the side of his face and thought seriously, he didn't cook so well, he didn't make so much money, and he couldn't say love words, but I knew very well that he was willing to guard me with his life, willing to give me everything he had, and I believed that he was the only one in this world, and would not hesitate to take care of me with all his heart.

That's enough, I think it should be enough. Well, that was indeed the thought at that moment.

In those nights when sleep was cut into pieces, Mr. Guo and I were like a pair of bitter people, and like a pair of happy people.

The baby is a super sleeping scum physique, does not like to sleep during the day, spends an hour to coax sleep and only wants to sleep for ten minutes, and it is still difficult to fall asleep at night, and is not willing to lie in bed when awake.

So Mr. Guo and I took turns holding her in the living room every night and constantly walking around and sleeping. The living room is rectangular, with nearly 40 small steps coming and going. Indoor things are illuminated by street lamps in the community outside the window, and the baby will stare at her with big eyes and look at her quietly.

Sometimes when she is tired of walking and wants to sit quietly on the sofa, the baby will immediately twist her arms in protest. Every night she had to walk ten thousand steps, and it was almost midnight that she would close her eyes. Despair is a common thing, physical strength is often exhausted to the limit, more than once, I feel like I am going to die of exhaustion.

But Mr. Guo and I never thought about training her sleep, we couldn't bear to listen to her crying, it would be very painful, so we were willing to be dominated by her.

After falling asleep at night, the baby had to feed every hour or two, and I slept very lightly and always responded to her immediately.

Every time I feed, Mr. Guo will get up to check the baby's diapers and replace them in time.

After changing the diapers, Mr. Guo would sit on the bed on his side and let me lean into his arms and feel more comfortable. The two of us would sometimes look at this seriously nursing baby in our arms and praise her cuteness. But more often than not, the two of us who are very sleepy will close our eyes like a baby, and the three of us will listen quietly to her grunting milk.

The winter nights in the south are not too difficult.

At night with Mr. Guo, my heart is stable, and at dawn, after Mr. Guo goes to work, I am left alone at home with the baby, I will be particularly nervous and nervous.

After the New Year, Mr. Guo's first day of work, I was very anxious about the baby at home alone, I asked myself over and over again, can I really take care of the baby by myself? Really? Will I throw her? Will she suddenly get sick? She's too young to speak, so what to do? If she cries, what should I coax? I thought about many, many emergencies that I couldn't handle, and the whole person was nervous.

After all, I have never taken care of others, and I am often treated as a fool in my life, even if I order takeaways, buy subway tickets, register for hospitals, charge phone bills and other simple and basic things I will not operate, then it is not more difficult for me to take care of a small baby?

Fortunately, the baby's mental state has been very good that day, and she is even willing to lie on the sofa and play with me, waving and kicking, very happy.

Until I found out that she had an eyelashes in her eye and an eyelashes fell into her eyes! I thought that it was very uncomfortable when I lost my eyelashes in my eyes, and I wanted to help her get it out, but how to do it? I won't. I was in a state of anxiety, but the baby was still looking at me happily, his eyes wide open and seemingly unaffected.

I quickly looked up the Internet, but did not find a proper way, so I hurriedly called Mr. Guo again, asking him to take a leave of absence to come back and accompany me to the hospital with the baby to get the eyelashes out. Mr. Guo initially comforted me that it was okay, but as soon as he heard that I was really crying, he promised me that he would come back immediately.

At this time, the baby may have felt my uneasy emotions, she cried twice angrily, and then the eyelashes flowed down the tears. I hurried to call Mr. Guo again and told him that he was fine, he didn't have to come back, and the baby cried out his eyelashes.

Although the baby is already full moon, I still dare not take her downstairs, I am afraid that I can't hold her well, afraid of accidentally falling on her, that will be a situation that I can't cope with, so I just take her to the sun at home every day, talk to her, tease her, and wait for Mr. Guo to come home from work.

At the same time, my body is still very weak, it feels like I have a serious illness, I have not fully recovered, Mr. Guo always feels that he did not take good care of me, and there is no way to let me rest well, he is very remorseful. In fact, he has done a good job.

Every morning, Mr. Guo would get up early and go downstairs to buy me a variety of breakfast snacks to keep warm in the steamer; he would stew a pot of rib soup or chicken soup; and then the stew cup with apples and pears, all kept hot. He listened to my mom and said that it was better for his body not to eat raw and cold things.

These foods are my breakfast and lunch and I can eat them at any time. Dinner will wait for Mr. Guo to leave work, he will buy a lot of dishes to come back and cook for me, although it is still not so delicious, but I am not disgusted.

Every day after dinner, after cleaning up all the pots and pans in the kitchen, Mr. Guo will immediately take over the task of taking the baby and let me rest and do some things I like. An hour later, I took the baby to the bath, and he began to clean up the housework, wash the baby's clothes, mop the floor, disinfect the baby's toys, and keep busy until nearly 11 o'clock.

He didn't have time to catch his breath, and after lying on the bed, he looked at the baby in my arms, hugged me, turned his head and fell asleep immediately.

The two of us no longer had enough time to be alone, and we were physically and mentally exhausted, and this was the real test.

I talked to Mr. Guo, and I had less and less time to talk.

Almost everything we say every day is on WeChat, about the baby, about eating and drinking Lasa in life.

By the time I finally put my baby to sleep at night, it was already early in the morning.

I always felt lonely, there was no outlet for my emotions, and I felt like I had lost myself. Every day around the baby, trapped in this hundred and ten square meters of the house, continue to output some fairy tales, no effective communication, no time to read, no time to think, live like a puppet.

The clothes I wear every day are home clothes that are convenient for breastfeeding, I don't dare to look in the mirror, I don't want to look at my body, I don't like myself.

Sometimes I want to drink, but I can't, I have to breastfeed my baby.

I began to feel that because of the child, I was trapped.

I remembered that I had sworn that my children were born by myself, of course, I had to raise myself, and being a parent was my own decision, and I had to be responsible for myself. I don't want to be like my peers in my hometown, who give birth to children and directly throw them to the elderly, and be the parents of left-behind children with peace of mind, I don't want to be such parents. I don't want to raise children with the elderly, I can't ask them to leave their homes and live a life they don't like for the sake of their children and grandchildren, and I don't want to have countless frictions with them because of different concepts of raising children. No matter how hard it is, I have to raise it myself.

But when I was alone in the middle of the night, sitting on the sofa in the living room, crying bitterly, there was also a moment of shaking, raising children, really too tired, unexpectedly tired. So I began to understand a little bit that it is not easy for parents who leave their children with the elderly, or invite the elderly to be around to raise their children together.

However, even if I do it again, I will still raise it myself, although I have thoroughly understood how tiring and painful it is to raise a child.

Crying late at night became my catharsis every once in a while, like a ritual of life. Sometimes Mr. Guo woke up, would come over, sit on the sofa and take me into his arms, but he had nothing to say, I didn't have anything to say, and sometimes he even closed his eyes. He was sleepy, I suppose, and by the streetlight outside the window, I looked at him with tearful and smiling eyes. We were all exhausted to the extreme.

Sometimes I ask Mr. Guo, do you regret it? Have you ever regretted having a baby? Mr. Guo said, no regrets, the baby is really cute. Yeah, it's cute and makes me willing to give her everything I have, but I'm really tired too.

I understood that the desolation in my heart could only be saved by myself. I kept telling myself that I had to find a new, comfortable way of life for myself, and not be defeated by the sense of time I was living like a year.

At this time, what I don't know is that after the end of the 98-day maternity leave, I go to the company to leave the company, completely leave the workplace, and the salary card has no income, which is the real challenge...