01
When encountering a child like the following, perhaps every parent will be exhausted!
Less than 20 minutes after writing homework, I was worried about playing with my mobile phone;
I had to stare at him from the side to study, otherwise I would be noisy and tired, and frequently go to the living room to rest;
When I encounter a difficult problem, I am immediately asked to tell him, or I will search for the answer directly.
I work in the unit every day, the pace of work is fast, and the performance pressure is high.
At night, I still have to concentrate and manage my son's study, and my life is tense.
But even so, his son's grades did not get better, and he always ranked low in the class.
Lack of motivation to learn, inattentive to learning, and particularly addicted to mobile phones.
Whether it is in the car, before going to bed, or gathering with relatives and friends, my son is holding his mobile phone to brush videos, brush Microblogs, play games, and concentrate.
The son, who was attracted all his attention by his mobile phone, gave up other activities and became increasingly bored with school.
Every time I had to shout three or four times to stop, he was willing to put down his mobile phone and reluctantly go to his homework.
What worries me the most is that my son is satisfied with the short pleasure of the mobile phone, which aggravates his boredom with learning and his indulgence in himself.
In the days of obsessing with electronic screens, his grades deteriorated.
But to my surprise, in the midterm exam, my son's math test actually achieved better results than ever.
02
When I saw the report card, I was overjoyed, and I didn't feel sorry for money, and I arranged all the seafood that my son loved to eat at night.
But before I could immerse myself in joy for long, a phone call from the teacher shattered my dream!
The teacher told me that my son had been found to have plagiarized on this test, so the score could not be counted. Grades are not as important as honesty, and I hope that I will pay attention to instilling this in my children in the future.
My face was hot when I heard it, and after apologizing to the teacher, I was furious.
"Even if you study poorly, you still dare to copy now!"
"Every day I don't think about how to improve my academic performance, I know I have a mobile phone!"
"From tomorrow, you don't have a cell phone!" Look at the phone all day and I drop it! ”
......
In my continuous anger, my son could not hang on to his face, he was ashamed and angry, shouting at me: "If you dare to confiscate the mobile phone, I will leave this home and never come back!" ”
After the roar, go back to the room, pick up the phone and grab the door and go out.
My husband rushed out to chase, but I was sad and burst into tears.
I was such a failed mom.
Do not understand education, will let the child junior high school still addicted to mobile phones, self-control is so poor, more and more tired of school;
Not knowing how to communicate is what causes children to not listen to me so much.
In the end, although my son returned home with his husband, he was no longer willing to communicate with me.
Every day after school, I locked myself in my room to watch my phone and play games, and ten days passed, and there was no sign of reversal.
I realized that I couldn't continue, or my son would be completely ruined!
03
I began to consciously study homeschooling, to explore the reasons behind children's addiction to mobile phones.
"Why is the child so unconscious, let him learn like a vendetta, and still addicted to mobile phones and can't extricate himself?"
In the face of my questions, the family education instructor told me that children who are prone to "garbage happiness" have empty hearts.
Many parents believe that children are addicted to games and mobile phones, which are not self-conscious and lack self-control.
But in fact, the addictive behavior that happens to children is only a symptom.
Behind the addiction, there is a real dilemma for children.
The author of "Crazy Addicts" once pointed out that addiction means the transfer and escape from reality.
Children who are addicted to mobile phones, games, and short videos often feel bad in life.
Therefore, when a parent finds that his child is addicted to some kind of garbage happiness for a certain period of time and cannot extricate himself, it is not necessarily that he does not understand moderation.
It was something wrong with his real life:
Maybe there is something wrong with the parent-child relationship;
Maybe it is a setback in learning, and it does not feel a sense of value;
It may also be that you hit a wall in school and are criticized.
"The core of addiction is helplessness in real life."
If parents scold, suppress, and restrict their children's indulgent behavior, it will only lead to intensified resistance.
Because the child's needs in life are not met, the parents' controlled behavior will only make him feel more uncomfortable and bad.
The teacher told me that there were many mothers like me in the boot camp.
They think that children's poor grades and school aversion are all caused by playing games and indulging in mobile phones; but on the contrary, it is precisely because children have encountered too many blows and setbacks in learning that they will feel garbage happiness in the virtual world, find self-confidence, find a sense of value, and find a sense of achievement.
After listening to the teacher's explanation, I suddenly realized.
No wonder my son's addiction to mobile phones began after his learning status declined and his grades plummeted.
So how do I guide my children to change the current situation?
The teacher said that if the child's indulgent behavior is regarded as a kind of help for him, then he can face and solve the problem more rationally.
04
1, the key to prevent addiction, not to prohibit, but to deal with the "parent-child relationship".
Once the signs of children's addiction to games and mobile phones are discovered, adults subconsciously begin to guard against death.
Confiscation of mobile phones, strict restrictions on the use of time... Use a variety of simple and rough measures to keep your child away from the phone.
But as long as the child's heart is on the mobile phone, the method is always more difficult than the difficulty, and it makes the parents invincible.
So we often see on the Internet that children secretly use their grandparents' ID numbers to unlock game time, secretly remember their parents' payment passwords, and delete the news after buying the account.
But ten thousand steps back, even if it is really forbidden, it is useless.
Because the child's mind is hooked by the virtual world, he will not study seriously without a mobile phone.
If you want your child to get out of the joy of being addicted to garbage, you first need parents to have a good parent-child relationship with your child.
There are studies showing:
In families with better parent-child relationship, the frequency of children playing online games is relatively low;
In families with poor parent-child relationships, the proportion of children playing games almost every day accounts for 50%!
That is to say, the worse the parent-child relationship, the worse the family atmosphere, the more it will aggravate the child's addiction to mobile phones and games.
This is also why many parents, racking their brains to correct addicted children, but lead to worse and worse parent-child relationship.
Because the child's psychological needs are not met, in the long run, the child can only go to the virtual world to seek comfort and protection.
Therefore, before correcting the child's addiction to mobile phones and games, the first thing to do is to improve our relationship with the child.
Change the way we accompany, improve our communication attitudes, and change the atmosphere of family suppression and utilitarianism.
When the parent-child relationship is good, the child believes in you and is willing to open his heart to you, and the rules you make can really make the child awe-inspiring and then implement.
2. Create a real and rich world for children
To be honest, it is really not easy for children today - education reform, inner pressure... They begin to suffer from an early age.
When I go to school, I have to go to various tutoring classes at two o'clock every day, and I have to rush to various tutoring classes on weekends; home online classes are a day of sitting, tired of writing homework, doing problems and various punch card tasks.
Whenever they want to relax and be lazy, they will always attract a reprimand from their parents, as if they are wrong and waste time doing other things in their lives except learning.
Everything eventually leads to children's less and less interest in learning, and when they think of learning, they are unable to write homework and the faces of parents who cannot finish reading.
And looking at their phones and playing games is almost the only outlet for them to release stress and get pleasure.
At the end of the day, it's children in real life who don't have what they really love and don't have the opportunity to develop an interest.
They can't find anything happier and more rewarding than addicting to their phones, and the experience in reality is poor.
Therefore, instead of blindly trying to save their children from garbage happiness, parents should start by giving their children a real and rich world.
Guide your child to develop healthy hobbies, increase ways to get a sense of accomplishment from the real world, and give your child some options instead of a mobile phone.
Such as sports, playing badminton, skateboarding, table tennis, jump rope, running and so on.
As a child grows up, having a sporting specialty that can be done is also conducive to enhancing his self-confidence among his classmates and gaining a steady stream of satisfaction in competitive sports.
Such as outdoor activities, mountain climbing, museums, hiking and so on. While releasing negative emotions and relieving stress, it can also enhance physical fitness and help protect vision.
As long as parents are attentive, accumulate interest capital for their children, and help them create social opportunities, children get affirmation and encouragement from them, and they will not be willing to be trapped in a small electronic screen when they are teenagers.
In the continuous learning, I follow the guidance of the teacher, gradually repair the parent-child relationship and increase the interaction between the child and the real world.
I no longer stare at the shortcomings as soon as I see my son, and I can't say a good word in my mouth, but when my son needs it, I provide life support and quietly accompany him the rest of the time.
We also bought him the bike he had always wanted, and in the evenings and on weekends we took him on a cycling outing.
To help children get rid of addiction and control their desires, parents should take the first step.
Gradually, changes in my son's body happened.
In the process of riding with his son, he took the initiative to share a lot of feelings and thoughts with me, from the troubles of studying to the changes in mood.
And I will also share my feelings of learning and growing with him: "My mother is also a mother for the first time, and many times it is "good intentions to do bad things.". Now think about it, my professional age as a mother is also the same age as you, we are equal in roles, I hope you can forgive my mother for doing something bad. ”
The son nodded, "Mom, as long as you can grow up, I feel very rare, I forgive you." ”
In this way, in more than two months, my son has changed from the thin and weak teenager who was addicted to mobile phones and had a pale face to a spiritual boy who was young and sunny and full of positive energy.
My son also shared with me a book he was reading, "Life in Rock Climbing":
"The spirit of rock climbing is to chase a vertex or goal with the right posture."
"I found that learning is the same, as long as you do everything that should be done, the final result does not have to worry at all."
In the beginning, I just hoped to let my son have more contact with the outdoors and nature, but I didn't expect to stimulate my son's interest and determination.
Once people's motivation is stimulated, what to do is automatic and spontaneous. My son's studies no longer use my ears to face his life, and his grades quickly reward him.
In the final exam, the son became the student with the greatest improvement in the class. At the parent-teacher meeting, the teacher publicly praised his son's fighting spirit, "A child with hard work, the future is a dark horse." ”
Personally experienced the child's boredom, addicted to mobile phones, I want to share this story with all parents, all said that the child's adolescence, is the parent's disaster period, but as long as we are willing to put aside prejudices, listen to the child's voice, smoothly through is not desired.
Finally, please pay attention to me, I will continue to share the educational stories and dry goods knowledge of adolescent children