Parents of multi-child families will have such an emotion: "Why do my two babies have the opposite personalities?" ”
Binbin's mother and I have talked about this matter, her two children, the personality is completely different, the boss is thick and honest, like quiet, and the old monkey spirit monkey essence, all day long energy non-stop, two babies, two extreme personality.
Binbin's mother sighed and said, "The old man often says 'the old man is stupid, the old man is stupid, the old man is three slippery', how can this be so accurate?" ”
When there is only one baby in the family, it feels that the child's personality is normal, there is no difference, once there are two babies, parents can immediately feel the difference. The youngest children tend to have a more lively and energetic personality.
Why?
Psychologist Adler once proposed a "birth order effect", that is, children born in the same family, due to different birth orders, resulting in different family status, and eventually lead to different personalities and behaviors.
That is to say, the birth order has an important impact on personality, although it is the same father and mother, but the eldest, the second, and the third have different personalities.
The boss who is overly concerned
Think back to when you had your first child, did you often feel helpless and nervous, and the child's laughter and crying touched your nerves.
As soon as the child cries, he immediately picks up and coaxes to see if he is uncomfortable;
When a child is breastfeeding, you will very accurately record the time he eats milk, the amount of milk he eats, and even the order and shape of the complementary food are very exquisite;
Inexperienced parents, facing their first child, will give him more attention and care. As an "only child", he must be surrounded and pampered by at least six adults.
However, with the arrival of other children, you will unconsciously tighten the requirements for the boss, begin to ask the boss to become a role model for younger siblings, and often with the purpose of "killing chickens for monkeys", more severe to the boss, so the boss's personality will often be suppressed, relatively speaking, they will be more well-behaved and more obedient.
In the relationship between children, parents often ask the boss to let his younger siblings, so the boss's personality will often have more tolerance and be more inclusive.
Psychological research has found that in the first-born children, it is often found that "problem children, neuroses, criminals" and so on.
It is because the boss always gets the most attention from the parents, this kind of attention from loose to strict requirements, the contrast between before and after changes, and the comparison with other children, will make the boss feel very stressed, and there will often be more problems in the personality.
Better old two
There is a popular saying on the Internet that "the boss is raised according to the book, the second is raised by the pig", for the parents who have raised a child, they have already had a certain parenting experience, and found that raising children is not as difficult as imagined, and there is no need to be too nervous, so for the second child, they will obviously relax and "neglect".
For children, the love they get from their parents from birth is not 100%, and it will even be easy to be ignored.
This will lead to the second brother often living in a more relaxed environment, on the one hand, they will have a stronger desire for the love of their parents, so they try their best to make themselves more excellent, in order to win more love, and even compete with the boss; on the other hand, without too much attention, it will make them grow more freely and easier to develop their own advantages.
In the book "Positive Discipline", it is said that the children in the middle of the ranks have neither the "privileges" of Dabao nor the "benefits" enjoyed by Xiaobao; so they must be different from their brothers and sisters in some aspects in order to show their value
This stronger pursuit of superiority and a relatively relaxed environment will make them more likely to achieve higher achievements in the future.
The old third who is easily indulged
The youngest children in the family are most likely to be overprotected, doted on and indulged by their parents, so the youngest children tend to be more arrogant and arrogant in personality, and their courage is often greater and they are not afraid of anything.
In order to compete with older siblings, the youngest children tend to have higher emotional intelligence and sweeter mouths, especially when they are in trouble.
At the same time, because of the leadership of older brothers and sisters, the youngest children will learn some skills faster and earlier, such as speaking earlier, more vocabulary, and better ability to play games, so the youngest children tend to appear more clever and have a high IQ.
Being spoiled by their parents and caring for by their older siblings, the youngest children grow up more carefree, which will lead to their sense of responsibility not being too strong.
In fact, when we analyze the impact of birth order on the child's personality, we will find that the child's personality change is not actually determined by nature, and the influence of parents on the child's different education and different requirements is the greatest!
Because you have to take care of your younger siblings, the boss's sense of responsibility will be stronger;
Because of the desire for parental love, the second brother may appear unconfident and inferior in personality;
Because love is unrestrained, the youngest children will be more creative.
In his book The Order of Birth, British psychology dr. Kevin Leman mentions that "parents spend a lot of time reading and playing with their oldest children, but this time gradually decreases as other children are born." ”
It is precisely because of the growing environment, the love of parents and the continuous change of education that the child's personality shows different directions of growth. What kind of character a child looks like depends entirely on what kind of education the parents give.
For the boss, be more inclusive
Don't always use example to restrain the boss and ask him to set an example; don't pile all the responsibility on the boss, give the child some breathing time, and give him more room to grow freely.
Especially when the eldest is a daughter, don't think that she has the responsibility to take care of her younger siblings, her love for her younger siblings should be a natural concern for family affection, not a burden of pressure!
For the second eldest, pay more attention
With the liberalization of the three-child policy, the growth of the second child should be seen more by parents.
Pay more attention to the needs of children, give children more care and affection, and help children establish a sense of inner security and order.
For the third, a little more discipline
The bottom line of parents cannot be wiped out in front of the third elder!
The youngest child, the more the parent should cultivate his sense of responsibility, rather than let him act arbitrarily.
The youngest the child, the more parents must avoid the use of small cleverness and slippery heads, but to treat the children equally, to avoid children from developing bad habits of stealing and slipping.
British critic David Frost said: "When you have only one child, you are a parent; when you have two children, you are a referee."
The more families with multiple children, the more parents can not free-range their children, but pay more attention to the different characteristics of each child, the needs and hearts of each child, and strive to balance the love and development of each child, and avoid the impact of birth order on them!