How to provide effective emotional value? Today I from a counselor's point of view, plus some cognitive psychology analysis, to tell you some pure dry goods, this is my entry into the industry for so many years, painstakingly summed up the most useful knowledge points, can patiently read the small partners, I guarantee that you on the road of feelings, whether you are chasing people or want to save, can do more with less!
The longer I do counseling, the more I find one thing, that is, love is actually an emotion, you can be mobilized by a person, follow his mood and sorrow, is in love with him, one day he does what you have no emotion for him, that is, no love.
Here I want to say a problem, that is, when you feel that the other party is at a low point of emotion, I have to try to make him happy, I have a lower posture to coax him, so as to provide the other party with emotional value, this direction seems to be no problem, in fact, it is a big mistake!
Providing any value must conform to the law, not pay out of thin air, which will make you lose the framework and become worthless.
So the point is, what is the law of emotions?
Psychologists and cognitive scientists have studied that people's emotions are like a curve, this curve is wavy up and down, when you are happy is the emotional high point, when sad is the emotional low point. From happy to unhappy, you will experience a decline in emotions, and then your emotions will rise, and you will return to a happy state.
So what is the law of conforming to emotions? To put it bluntly, it is not to blindly coax, but to find out the high and low points of the other party's emotions, and the upward and downward trend of his emotions, try to "parallel" with the other party, and do not confront the other party, that is, "common ups and downs".
For example, when the other party is downtrending, more and more unhappy, or when the mood is approaching a low point, you don't want to change your life against the sky and want to pull up. When the other party is in an uptrend, or when the mood is high, you don't pour cold water down.
Simply put, go with the trend, not go against the trend.
Many girls go to save each other when they break up, you have to know that you are both in a depressed mood, at this time do not stimulate each other, do not deepen the emotions, to give it a period of time to let the negative emotions naturally subside, you kneel and lick each other actually means that you do not allow the other party to have negative emotions, you have to mobilize him now, you have to coax him to talk to him about feelings, he does not listen to you, and as a result, he is more and more annoying to you, because you are violating his emotional laws.
Some girls asked, do I just watch him get farther and farther away from me?
You ask this question to show that you still have not seen through this law, you allow the other party to reject you, cold you, give him the process of emotional self-repair, this is to follow his footsteps and "parallel forward" with him, not away. You can also go cold and devote yourself to self-construction, and when the other person looks back, you can still surprise him.
But if you have to drag up desperately when his mood is declining, approaching the low point, desperately dragging upwards, all kinds of pay for all kinds of flattery, or your two lines have a momentary crossover, such as some redemption parties kneeling and licking for a long time, the other party is entangled in the end of the final care of you, it seems that the intimate is actually the other party's brief emptiness to make up, and then the two lines cross, each other in the complete opposite direction farther and farther, completely into a spare tire.
Either it won't cross at all, you can't guarantee that you can't provide the other person with what he really wants, and there is no point on the key, so you can only look at him from a distance and chase him from a distance until he finds the next person he likes.
So it is very important to master the law of emotions, and the other party is very important, when he is unhappy, when he is cold, you can also go calm, you should do yourself; his emotions from excitement to calm, which shows that he has an upward trend, at this time you go to action, pull him to continue to go up, give him emotional value, show yourself, invite, etc., everything can be done with half the effort.
Many people are at the wrong time, such as when the other party's mood is declining, you go to work hard, the result is to be intimidated back, you are all kinds of frustration, summed up that this person has no love for me, I am so humble to him, he is not at all distressed, you think so is actually to confuse love and emotions, for example, parents love their children, and emotional venting and scolding children, is it the same thing? Can he say he doesn't love because he's angry?
The best time to provide emotional value is always in the stage of a person's emotional rise, not when he is obviously getting more and more angry, when he is angry, a person often needs space, you want to provide effective emotional value, just go to the other party's emotional pull point, understand?
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C