Chinese have always advocated filial piety, which is our traditional Chinese virtue.
My parents' generation was particularly filial.
Even if the original family has given them great harm, such as parental eccentricity, son preference, language violence, etc., saying that there is no resentment towards parents is false. But when their parents get old, they will still react instinctively, take care of their parents, and give back to their parents' parenting grace.
At that time, filial piety was definitely a great sin, and the spit of the people around you could drown you, and you couldn't lift your head anywhere.
However, it seems different now.
Now many children feel that the efforts of their parents are justified, and if their parents are slightly inferior to their wishes, they will throw out a sentence: I did not let you give birth to me! There are even children who say that their parents: If you give birth to me, you should provide me with a good life, otherwise you are not worthy of being a parent!
These white-eyed wolves really chill their parents.
Why is there more filial piety in the older generation, but now there are more and more white-eyed wolves?
The reasons behind this are worth pondering.
Why do the older generation have more filial piety?
1. Many children compete for favors
Most of our ancestors have multiple children, as few as three or four children in a family, as many as six or seven, and no one can enjoy the love of their parents alone.
Parents have to work hard for the family's rations every day and do not have much energy and time to take care of their children.
In that era, because parents had no time to take care of them, there were not a few children who died of illness, lost, or were taken away by wolves.
From beginning to end, it is rare for parents to bring up children, many families are the eldest with the second, the second with the third, the big with the small, so grown up, the so-called elder brother as the father, this is how it came.
The love of parents is very limited, and the materials are particularly scarce, the competition between children is very large, and well-behaved children have sugar to eat, and they will naturally compete for filial piety to their parents.
My mother once told me that in the past, when I went out to eat, if my parents didn't go, the children would wrap up the meat they were reluctant to eat and take it back to their parents at home.
Filial piety to parents was thus engraved in their bones.
2. The culture of filial piety is the consensus of society
The previous generation was not without complaints about their parents.
Like my mother, to this day, she is still angry that her father would not let her go to school.
My husband is a very patriarchal person. He often said that sooner or later his daughter belonged to someone else's family, and it was useless.
Therefore, even if my mother had good grades, studied hard, and cried no matter how hard she cried, my father still dropped her out of school and left the opportunity to go to school to my uncle.
There are many more things like that. But the hurt of my parents did not affect my mother's filial piety to her family.
After all, I will still take care of my husband as a child, will make him what he likes to eat, will often buy clothes for my father, and when my father has a conflict with his sons, my mother will also carefully enlighten him, take him around to play, and relax.
They do not feel that "if you give your son all the benefits, don't rely on me", but will take the initiative to put down the past and understand their parents.
Because, you raise me small, I accompany you old.
The culture of filial piety is the consensus of society.
At that time, everyone's evaluation of a person was mainly from the aspects of whether there was a labor force, diligence or not, filial piety to parents, if people were not filial, people who knew would scorn him, go out to be gossiped about, and when talking about marriage, they would also be disliked.
Such a strong public opinion pressure, how can filial piety be done?
3. Indoctrination of parents from childhood to adulthood.
The generation of the ancestors did not have pension insurance, and people had to rely on their children to support themselves when they were old.
Raising children and preventing old age is what it means.
As parents, from the time their children are very young, they will tirelessly instill filial piety in their children over and over again.
One of the ways they often do this is storytelling.
Of the few stories my mom told me, there was one that struck me.
I don't remember the specific details, anyway, the gist is that an unfilial son was dragged to the open ground by Lei Gong on a rainy night and was hacked to death.
My mom grew up with this story, and when she got me, she started telling me this story again.
My mom spoke vividly.
When I was young and ignorant, I was shocked to hear it, I thought it was too terrible, and I thought, I can't be bad for my parents, I will be struck by lightning!
When I grew up, I found that this story had no scientific basis at all.
But my mom's generation really believed it.
As soon as I questioned, my mother would say very seriously: Don't talk nonsense! It's true!
In any case, the reverence of their parents' generation is indeed one of the reasons why they are particularly filial.
Why are there more and more white-eyed wolves in children today?
1, the pampered child will always have no fear.
Most of the children born in the 80s are only children, from childhood to adulthood, they enjoy the love of their parents, and because they are the elders of the family, their parents and grandparents, grandparents, 6 people are star-studded.
In the past, there were multiple children with a pair of parents, and there would be competition between the children, competing to be good to the parents.
Now it is completely reversed, a child 6 elders, these 6 people may form a competition, always want to make the child closer to themselves, so they compete to be good to the child.
For example, some parents will ask their children: Do you like your father or mother the most?
For example, some grandparents will privately "bribe" children: this chocolate is precious, your mother is reluctant to buy it, is your grandparents okay?
Children who are spoiled and grow up will take their parents' efforts for granted, and will not have a sense of gratitude at all, nor will they want to give back to their parents and do filial piety to their parents.
Such children can easily become white-eyed wolves, and parents are also self-inflicted.
2. Changes in filial piety culture.
There was once a post on the end of the world that "parents are a scourge", which resonated with countless people who are children, and everyone has left messages below to describe the various harms their parents have done to themselves.
The harm of the previous generation to their parents is relatively dull, and there are many people who are obviously hurt by their parents but do not know it, but will excuse their parents, and will think that "Hey, my parents did that for my own good."
Today's children are different.
The Internet popularized the concept of the original family, and more and more people began to find the basis for their own character formation and life situation from their own early parent-child relationship and parent-child education methods.
If the parents have caused great harm to themselves, the filial piety of the children to their parents will also be greatly reduced.
The film and television drama "All Is Good" has a happy ending, Su Daqiang suffers from Alzheimer's disease and becomes a loving father, and Mingyu feels the love of his father, unties the knot, resigns to take care of his father, and becomes a perfect filial daughter.
The older generation saw it and was very moved.
We looked at it and thought that this ending was not convincing.
And the ending of the original is more real, Su Daqiang is still the old man who selfishly cut the door, because of diarrhea, was sent to the hospital by Mingyu for treatment, although Mingyu was reluctant in his heart, he could only accompany his father for the New Year.
Mingyu has an inner monologue: Family affection cannot be picked up, let's communicate lightly!
Children who are too deeply hurt by their original families are also prone to become white-eyed wolves.
If a child is not treated gently as a child, don't expect him to be gentle with others as an adult.
Of course, this "other" also includes the parents of this child.