Introduction: According to my observation, most people who learn love skills have had such an experience, that is, they have had the experience of being seriously hurt by people, and the depth of this injury and the length of the duration have made these people lose repeatedly in the love field, so they will frantically learn various skills and participate in various trainings. In fact, most of them do not want to become a big love saint, many just want to find a girlfriend for themselves.
OK, when many people have experienced a love that is going to die and live, after being deeply hurt, most of them will have the feeling of "the heart is tired, I feel that I will not love again", this situation is both men and women, women are even more, so the more women love a man, the more they ignore him, because she has lost, she is afraid to experience that kind of pain again, she does not want to lose again, so she does not dare to give easily to men, and those men who learn love skills, why are they not? Therefore, the older a person is, the more he dares not give easily to his feelings. Emotion, for most adults, is too costly.
This is the typical "psychological defense mechanism" at work, in layman's terms, it is a barrier built by people in order to protect themselves from the outside world, mostly related to the frustrations we have suffered, this "psychological defense mechanism" will make us feel "unsafe" in love with others, because there will be a danger of "injury" again, so our subconscious will do everything possible to prevent us from moving on others. So a lot of people ask, why haven't I been able to fall in love? In fact, it's because you don't want to fall in love with someone else at all, and your past experience of "frustration" is interfering with you.
Those innocent feelings that you once had wishful thinking may have been just the jokes of others after dinner, and such pain will accompany you for a long time, no one understands, no one knows, it is silently sinking in your heart... The past has passed, for the injuries you have suffered, the only thing you can do is to silently carry it down, slowly digest and chew in your heart, don't expect that there will be someone who understands everything about you, willing to give you care and care, people only care about themselves most of the time, there is not so much interest in your past, even if they know that you have been hurt in the past, most of them are only showing sympathy, and you know, sympathy This emotion is still accompanied by contempt to a large extent, so please be strong, Even if no one loves you, you must have the appearance of a man, don't look at the shadow of self-pity, sigh, that will only make others look down on you.
What is healthy and sustainable love?
Now, let's talk about giving and giving, first of all, I want to make a clear concept, in this world, any healthy relationship must have both giving and taking, we are not saints or philanthropists, there is no need to make a great shore of giving without asking for returns, so that there is no superfluous meaning except to move yourself.
Because the emotion of love, when not answered, will turn into loss and resentment, many people's distorted three views cause them to miss a lot of feelings they could have.
Therefore, when it comes to treating women, the concept should be clearer, and many people ask me," how can I catch a girl without spending money?" I said, "Just sleep in the daytime." They didn't understand it until others added "daydreaming."
It's not that I don't know how not to spend money to chase girls, but I'm very unaccustomed to this kind of unearned attitude, this kind of person is actually emotionally difficult to accept, they don't want to pay even a little cost, they think about getting something for nothing, it is foreseeable that such people will attract people no matter what they do.
OK, now, you can think about it in reverse, since there are many men who think so, then there are just as many women who think so, they constantly ask you for it, never thinking of giving even once... In fact, this sums up to a problem of emotional intelligence, many people approach beautiful women, all their actions indicate that his motivation is to have a fight with this woman, just as many women approach rich men, their behavior shows that her motivation is to get something in this man... As long as the motivation is like this, if it lacks the means itself, the result is mostly to put yourself in it and finally lose a essence.
If you only consider the problem from your own point of view, it will cause the "straight male cancer" that we often see now, such "straight male cancer" is often only considering yourself in the process of interacting with girls, and is not willing to pay anything, which is the root cause of their special female disgust.
In fact, a normal person, who has a clear sense of the motives of others to approach him, has the simplest way to distinguish between loyalty and adultery in The Monarch, that is, to see whether a courtier does anything for the sake of the monarch and the country, or for himself. So, when you approach a woman and give her courtesy, she can clearly feel whether you really love her or simply to get her.
What do girls think of as "personable" and "intimate"?
Many people have asked me, how do I give gifts to girls, and I ask you why you give gifts to her? They said that in order to make her happy, I asked again, why do you want to make her happy? He said he wanted to get her... I said, you can't give gifts to people with this purpose, you first ask yourself, do you love this girl a little more, or do you want to get her a little more, if you are from the heart of the feelings willing to use your heart, you send everything is right, but if you just want to get her, there is no point in sending anything, but also waste money, increase your sunk costs.
If you really learn to care about someone, you will care about her unconsciously, you will notice that her lips are cracked, you will notice that she has a lump bitten by mosquitoes, you will notice that she likes to wear very little on cold days, you will also notice that she likes to drink, you will notice that her feet are tortured by high heels... You can even notice that when she likes something, look into the eyes of that thing, if you don't even know what gift to give her, it means that you don't love her so much, or you think you love her, but in fact you love yourself.
A few years ago, there was a popular saying on the Internet - I like Apple, but you bought me a cart of bananas, and finally asked me why I was not moved. This is the difference between value giving and non-value giving, and in the world of feelings, non-value giving behavior is often a wrong behavior that is disturbed by desire—just like the ancients who applied too much fertilizer because they hoped that the flowers would bloom early, often making yourself love very hard, and the person you loved also suffered very hard.
And the value giving in feelings is often just a natural and comfortable feeling, is a kind of human perspective of care, the premise is that you have a temperature in your heart, you can care for others from the heart, hurt others, considerate others, in order to achieve real value giving. Otherwise, the girls will not be so easily impressed by you.
Learn to give value, and you will be truly liked