Hello everyone, I am Mu Yang mother ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
When taking children to the park to play, occasionally you will see some parents and children together, the relationship is not very close, adults are playing with mobile phones on the side, children themselves play with their own, there is no intimate conversation and interaction with each other, and they do not know what the other party is thinking, in the same space, each doing their own thing, as if there is no intersection.
In life, I often hear some parents complain that their children are not close to them and do not tell themselves anything. The problem is that when they accompany their children, they do not necessarily pay much attention, only from their own point of view, they think that they have given enough love to the children, but the question is whether the children feel it?
What kind of love does a child need?
We always think that in life, we love our children so much:
We work hard every day to earn money and strive to give our children the best material life,
We do our best to give them the best care we can, for them to read, to teach them knowledge and skills,
We strive to be excellent in our work and life and strive to be their role models
When they were sick, we did not dare to close our eyes for many days in a row, did not dare to be sloppy, and took care of them...
Judging from these performances, we obviously love our children very much, but why are children still dissatisfied and unsympathetic? Don't know how to sympathize with us? Or even estranged from us?
We love children right, the question is, do we feel these expressions of our children?
In order to make the child's physical and mental healthier growth, we are accustomed to using language to express love, we are always nagging, busy reasoning, busy with what we know to the child, and even unconsciously criticize, constrain, accuse, and even control, our way of discipline even makes the child doubt our love for him, just like a word, full of love, but the face is vicious.
I remember in "The Boy Says", there was a girl who came on stage to accuse her father and arranged everything for herself. Although in her father's eyes it was the best love for her, unexpectedly, in her daughter's eyes, she thought it had become control. So, although you love children very much, don't let improper expressions turn love into complaints.
So, no matter how much we love the child, if he can't feel it, even let the child doubt our love for him, it is futile.
And loving children in the way that children can feel can pull into the relationship and distance between parents and children, so that our relationship with children is getting closer and closer.
Use more body language to make your child feel loved
Due to the structure and development of the brain, the development of children's language ability is relatively lagging behind, relative to language, children's sense of touch can feel love, so it will be easier for children to feel love with physical caresses.
Young children, especially 0-6 year olds, have skin hunger and thirst, and they crave the hugs of their parents. Parents' hugs can make them feel more loved, which is why when children are emotional, a hug from parents, compared to reasoning, makes children quiet faster than ten sentences.
In addition, parents can also kiss their children occasionally, and they can make him feel love, after all, for adults, this is a way to express love.
For older children, hugging and kissing, if it will make them a little unnatural, or even resistant, parents may wish to pat him on the shoulder, high-five or shake his fist to express their love and support for him.
Communicate emotionally with your child
We don't understand the child's way of thinking, can't understand what his little brain thinks, can't be his friend, if things are allowed to develop, they grow up, especially in adolescence, the heart will be farther.
When he encounters something or problems, and there is no us in the list of people to talk to, there may be more insecurity. We often feel that we can't get into the child's heart and don't know what the child is thinking.
That's because we didn't use the right way to communicate emotionally with our children.
If you want to establish an intimate relationship with your child, you should pay attention to the emotional level and spiritual communication between your daily life and your child, and become your child's "intimate partner". So how to get into the heart of a child?
* Reminisce with your child about what happened when you were a kid
In the process of children's growth, it is inevitable that they will encounter many problems and troubles. When the child does not know how to deal with things or is depressed due to mistakes, parents do not rush to directly teach the child how to do it, let the child "look up" to himself, may wish to share with the child like a friend about the similar experience and mental journey of his childhood, let the child listen, know that "my father / my mother will be like this when he was a child", so as to reduce the psychological burden, or be inspired by it, find a solution to things.
* Take the initiative to share your mood with your child
If you want to let children share their own thoughts, adults need to first unload the "inner baggage" as elders, treat children as close friends, selectively share some of our thoughts and emotions in work and life with children, so that children can understand adults better, but also under the infection of adults, they are more willing to open their hearts and naturally share their inner thoughts with parents.
* Play Truth or Dare games with kids
If your child is not used to talking to their parents at first, parents may wish to play Truth or Dare with their children often.
The props to play this game are very simple, at the beginning of the game, take an empty bottle, put it in the open space or turn it around on the table, then count, prescribe a number to stop, and then the person facing the bottle mouth must share as required to share their recent secret.
The advantage of playing Truth or Dare is that children are allowed to take turns revealing their voices with their parents in a joyful game.
In addition, between parents and children, if parents feel inconvenient, they will write letters or send relevant books to their children, which is also a good way of expression.
* Try your best to support your child's interests
If the child has his own interests and hobbies, but does not get the support of his parents, or even forced to give up by his parents, then the child must feel that his parents do not understand him, and slowly close his "heart door".
Trying to support children to develop their own interests and hobbies is an effective way to bring parent-child emotional communication closer.
As long as the child's interests and hobbies are positive and healthy, as a parent, it should not be restricted, even if they are not optimistic, they should also abandon prejudice and do their best to support the child to develop their own interests and hobbies.
This kind of support is not only reflected in the material, but also in the emotional support and encouragement of the child.
In fact, for children to develop their own hobbies, emotional support and companionship are more important than material support.
epilogue
Most parents love their children very much, but no matter how much we love our children, we need to express them in the right way to make them feel more loved and narrow the distance between parents and children. Otherwise, it may be exchanged for misunderstandings and complaints. No matter how much love, the way is not right, in the end it is futile. What do you say?
Are you close to your children?
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