Probably the vast majority of people in the workplace fantasize about not going to work and going home to lie flat. No need to go to work, go home every day to sleep until you wake up naturally, do not have to be scolded by the leader, do not worry about the KPI that has not been achieved, do not have to be irritable in the workplace, do not pay attention to the deep well ice that cannot communicate, and want to go on a trip that says and goes. Just thinking about this is full of picture sense, life is very good, life is very comfortable, right?
Many men think that full-time mothers are not at home with their children, can it be difficult to do projects? Can it be more difficult than being scolded by the leader as an overtime dog in the workplace? Is it harder to make money than to win a project? There are also many mothers who have never left the workplace who are also envious of full-time mothers, envious of full-time mothers who can accompany their children, envious of full-time mothers' time freedom, no overtime and no money, and envious of full-time mothers who have men to support their families.
People often have fantasies about things that have not been experienced, including myself, and only when I have experienced it myself will I find my own superficiality and ignorance. I am now a housewife who has been working full-time for five years, but I have worked for a well-known new energy company for more than a decade. Share my journey from working woman to full-time housewife. I hope that as a person who has come over, I can give you a little inspiration for those who are in the workplace burnout period or face various difficulties and want to quit your job.
Stage 1: Often expect not to dry up
Before 2017, when I was a working dog in the workplace, from the birth of my child, I often had the idea of quitting my job and going home to take my own child. In the face of overtime and weekend training that cannot be rolled up every day, all kinds of ineffective communication of prevarication, how to change the PPT that can not make the leader satisfied, the promotion and salary increase of the open struggle, especially the involvement of the family, the missing cloud spouse, the child who has nowhere to put it, the child who is sick and cannot go to school will be cheeky and cautious with the leader to ask for leave, the anxiety that began before the arrival of the winter and summer vacations, and the worry that the daily nanny suddenly asked for leave or did not do the child and no one looked at it. Naturally, the workplace will also see many good opportunities that cannot be seized. At that time, because the economy did not allow it, it was impossible to really resign, but I really envied people who were teachers and civil servants, often looking forward to going home to bring their own babies, don't let the children feel as if there will never be winter and summer vacations, by the way away from the workplace These bad people and things, all kinds of thoughts that want to resign and go home often swirl in the mind.
Stage 2: I really don't have a good time
In October 2017, I remember that on October 24, the results of Erbao's four-dimensional color ultrasound came out - placenta previa, and bed rest was recommended. Then explain the situation to the leader, really pack up the desk, hand over the work and go home to "lie flat". At that time, I was on personal leave + 178 days of maternity leave after the birth of the child, and did not leave my job, which was equivalent to taking a long vacation, and there were more than 10,000 yuan of salary every month during the maternity leave, living a long-awaited life, and the whole person was very happy and relaxed. Before the birth of the younger brother, every day to sleep until the natural awakening, do not have to dry anything, brush the drama, watch movies, play mobile phones to look forward to the birth of the child. Her daughter can also spend a lot of time with her mother every day, and she is also very happy. After my brother was born, although he was tired, he was still happy to live like this every day, and he felt that the days passed so quickly.
The third stage: no one pays the salary and the heart is empty
I really began to feel that I was different from my original colleagues, which began at the end of August 2018 after completing the resignation procedures, handing in the completion card, and stopping the issuance of wages and social security provident funds. In the past, working hard in the pile of men, there were more than ten thousand yuan of salary a month, and the promotion and salary increase would be celebrated, and the social security provident fund had been paid by the company. After officially leaving the job, everything returned to zero, even if the husband's income was fully paid, allowing me to grasp the economic power in the family, my heart was still empty, and I did not have the pleasure of leaving my job and going home to lie flat.
Stage Four: Little by little, we lose our former social circle
After leaving her job in August 2018, as a woman who had worked hard to get into college from the countryside, she suddenly lost her income, and it felt like everything was starting to change.
The gossip private chat group built together when you go to work, slowly you will not be silent, holiday parties and even the annual March 8 women's day party can not participate. Slowly you feel that those familiar friends and colleagues are getting farther and farther away from you, they talk to you, you can't talk about your husband and children in the group, slowly you rarely make a sound.
Everyone in the classmate group chatted about the gossip in their own field as usual, and you couldn't interject, only when talking about children, you could bubble up, and you always felt that you were an outlier.
After bringing the baby by yourself, I really contacted the full-time mothers of my sister's classmates, everyone was busy, picking up and dropping off the children to walk the baby, and no one had time to chat with you a person with a fur doll. Slowly, after my sister went to school, I took my brother to the house every day or pushed the stroller aimlessly or to the market, and lived a period of time when I didn't communicate with people at all.
Stage 5: Throwing tantrums at her husband and children is becoming more and more frequent
In 2019, my brother is more than one year old, and the days of taking children alone day after day slowly consume my spirit, and there is always a nameless fire in my heart, and I began to see that my husband and children were not pleasing to the eye, and complained that my husband did not care about the family or the children. The irritable sister did not obey, the homework was not well written, the school got up angry, rubbed and procrastinated, and quarreled with me at both ends for three days. My husband felt that the home was cold and cold, and felt that everyone should look at my face carefully.
Stage Six: Headless flies generally toss and turn
Still in 2018-2019, during the day with the baby began to pay attention to inquire about what other full-time mothers are doing, when they encounter those who are doing micro-business, they quickly set up almost, search for friends who are full-time or entrepreneurial in the limited WeChat address book, and follow various attempts with super excitement. I took my brother to do micro-business, and with other mothers, I took the baby to the stall to do the ground push. Eventually I found that the myths were all created by others, and when I came to my place, I took the baby with my mobile phone in my hand, and when the baby slept, I was chatting and promoting in various ways. I was restless when I wasn't sleeping. And began to invest a large amount of money to speculate in stocks, spend money to buy financial management courses, into the group to study, buy books to learn. I don't sleep for a few hours every day, but people are in a state of not feeling super excited for a long time. Later, after being exposed to psychological knowledge, I learned that it was bipolar disorder.
Stage Seven: My sister's rebellion made me calm down and think
Time entered the end of 2019, the new crown epidemic that swept the world came, my sister could not start school at home online classes, and I began a long-term delay. At the beginning of the epidemic, the stock market fell below the psychological price, many people said that there was an economic crisis, the loss of funds suddenly reached 300,000 and 500,000, as the children spent more and more time at home, the impact of the epidemic, the road back to school is also far away, I am helpless and powerless to fear, and the negative emotions of feeling incompetent and worthless have all emerged. After seeing that my sister is not good at online classes, addicted to game television, homework procrastination, changing the pattern of cooking, this does not eat that or eat, and I can not solve any problem except scolding, emotional uncontrollable scolding after falling into deep self-blame and guilt, the cycle is repeated, but it has to be faced day by day. In April 2020, I started crying a lot, regretting my resignation, regretting getting married and having children, and feeling like I was living a dark life. I have completely lost sight of my child being around. A little spark is enough to provoke me to crush me. But our sister was a particularly powerful child, and she resisted, arguing with me, fighting with me, smashing the house, and locking the door after I took my brother out to prevent me from entering the house. No matter how much I hit and scold, it was useless. But the child is a child after all, she just resisted in her own way, and finally one day after being scolded by me, she desperately scratched her face and beat herself, resisting with self-harm, and that scene woke me up. It can be said that my sister's self-harm was a big turning point for our family, and it was also an important turning point in my full-time period. I began to worry about whether the child's psychology is wrong, go to some mothers to talk about the child's situation, go to the school heart of some people to consult the child's emotional problems, from this time on, I do not pay attention to doing things to make money, began to put the heart back on the child.
Stage Eight: Falling into self-denial, suffering from depression and suffering from depression
From the day the child beat himself up, I began to realize that I had made a mess of the family and that I had put the cart before the horse. At first, the original intention of accompanying the child and worrying about the babysitter's bad belt was a joke
。 In my case, it is not as good as the nanny. I feel that I have achieved nothing with my children and have not brought them well, which is useless and incompetent. My husband also felt extremely painful, he said, the family does not need you to earn money, the income I earned is given to you, you can spend it as much as you want, you lose hundreds of thousands of shares, I did not have a word of accusation and comforted you. Why do you have an obsession with making money for your job? My husband also felt that he did not know me anymore, and felt that the home was like an ice cellar. The woman who used to be as hot as the sun was drained and spent all day at home washing her face with tears or losing her temper. My husband took me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with moderate depression.
Stage 9: The younger brother starts a new life after entering the early childhood full nursery class
In September 2020, at the strong recommendation of my husband, we sent my brother to an early education class in the community. Before the child entered the nursery, I was reluctant to feel that I was a failure, and I did not bring the child well, so I sent it to the full daycare so early. For the first week he cried and I cried. Fortunately, the director of this early education institution is sincere about treating children, the whole kindergarten atmosphere is good, and there are cameras, children begin to adapt, I also began to take the initiative to chat with some mothers whose children have gone to school, asking them what to do. Then there were new social groups and began to experience yoga classes and guzheng classes. I remember one day a mom invited me to a dinner party and had a hot pot together, and I was so excited that I was starting to have new friends.
However, I still still want to do something, and at the suggestion of my friend, I registered a company and opened a business license to try to start a business. In the end, I found that a person could not do anything, and chose a partnership business to do together. Even if you don't make money, you feel that you have confidence. Meet the former colleague said, the child goes to school you are cool, a lot of time to play, I will respond that she did not ah, I am doing e-commerce with people. Watching orders get more and more every day, a few of us celebrating happily together makes us feel like we're finally not a loser anymore. I will write the story of my business separately later.
Stage 10: Self-awakening
After the children went to school, they did have a lot more time for themselves, and the business of starting a business did not improve after the first year of blood boiling due to the impact of the epidemic of rising raw material prices. But my heart was much calmer, and I started to study parenting training courses and read a lot of books. Offline training has made me have more circles of friends, here I met a variety of mothers, all said that they have also experienced or are living in my dark days, it is good to survive, it is good to survive, we hug each other, cry, encourage and comfort each other, but also hurt the former self.
Books have opened another window for me, before I did not love to read, after my brother entered the nursery, I began to read books on WeChat reading, writing book reviews in the QQ space, I saw a lot of different lives, but also by a lot of inspiration. I also began to stop indulging in pain and began to think about who I was, the meaning and value of human life.
Stage 11: Find your hobby and start pressing the restart button for life
After carefully evaluating my family situation and my own situation, I decided to sink my heart and start to use books as a companion, hoping to make a living from words and meet friends with literature. Deeply cultivate your favorite fields - psychology, personal growth, and children's personality cultivation.
Of course, this is also thanks to my husband for providing me with material security, so that I do not have to think about earning money to support my family for the time being. But the family is only working alone, I will still be afraid of the future, fear is not terrible, it reminds me now to be down-to-earth to cultivate myself, so that I can become a person who can also hold up a piece of the sky for the family, create value for the society and help others.
