Text / Meng Mama
Graph / Network
Some time ago, there was a "two-child family end water treasure book" on the Internet that was very popular, and I don't know if you parents have paid attention to it.
Of these seven treasure books, three of them are related to "beating", and the secret of duanshui is to fight first and then say? This is obviously unscientific!
The mother who has a second child often leaves me a message: Raising a baby is not easy, and from time to time I have to be tied to an eccentric hat, and it is really too difficult to carry water...
After giving birth to a second child, it is very common for parents to be unable to level a bowl of water, and how to balance the relationship between the two children is another big problem.
Balancing the second-child relationship is difficult, and the problem is mainly the boss. Although the eldest and second elders of some families live in harmony, this may not represent "balance", it may just be "habits", maybe a year, maybe a few years, but you can ask the eldest in the second-child family, which of them has not thought about it, which has not complained about anger, which has not cried. Of course, a balanced family is not without, but the secret is nothing more than this.
Many mothers treat two children and wish they were Sun Wukong to be able to split. I summarized the 2 points of the so-called "fair" treatment of children, that is, appropriate "eccentricity".
First, don't dwell on whether what you give your child is completely even, but pay attention to each child's individual needs. Some mothers will feel aggrieved: obviously the same for both children. Why are the children fighting more fiercely? A friend of mine once said: Since I had two children, I usually buy clothes and food exactly the same and buy two portions, afraid that my children will say that I am biased. When two children quarrel, I will ask the reason and give them a referee. As a result, the children always said that I was eccentric and that the second mother was too difficult...
The biggest headache for my mother is that no matter how fair it is, it will not fall well, but it will make herself a battlefield for the two treasures of the great treasure.
The truth is very simple, when you blindly emphasize fairness, you also let children pay too much attention to resource allocation. The trap of fairness is that you can't be truly fair. Every child is a different individual, and the resources they need are actually different. Older children may have to spend more money on books, and younger children may want more toys. Some children love meat, and some children prefer fruits. Forced fairness only leads to inefficient and wasteful use of resources.
At the same time, you should not repeatedly struggle to give your children the same love, because everyone is unique, and the need for love is also a unique love. Children will definitely experience discrimination between their parents as they grow up, and as long as they can understand why their parents do this, it will not cause any harm. We need to believe that children can actually understand us. It's just that some parents may not do well enough, they don't explain it to their children, and they take it for granted that their children "will understand.".
The way to avoid "vicious spoiling" is to be honest and tell your child why we treat them differently and what we want them to do. A child who understands from the bottom of his heart why you do this and why it makes sense can ease tension between siblings.
If you've gone out of your way to explain why you're doing it, but the child still insists that it's unfair, then we should think differently: Is it really biased and unfair?
Each family situation is different, and it is reasonably arranged according to the situation in their own home. Mothers please let go of yourself, do what you can, both children are personal, the way to give love may be different. Be a happy mother, you convey love, is the warmest.
If you have decided to have or have a second child, then pay special attention to the following four aspects of educating two children, especially in balancing their relationship.
First of all, pay attention to balancing the time spent with two children. Most families, because of the arrival of the second child, will put more energy on the second treasure and ignore the big baby, the big treasure psychological imbalance, he does not want to make trouble, is hoping that the parents can accompany him more.
Again, pay attention to balancing the different characteristics of the two children. In some families with second children, the clothes of the second treasure are left over from the big treasure, and the saving behavior is understandable, but sometimes even the child's interests and hobbies, the second treasure has to follow the footsteps of the big treasure, and completely disrespects the child's personal development and interest intentions.
In fact, every child is different, whether it is a big treasure or a second treasure, it has its own talents and strengths, parents should teach according to their aptitudes, and cannot be subjectively judged.
Finally, pay attention to balancing the trade-off relationship between the two children. Although people now rarely have the idea of preferring sons to daughters, in some families, parents will inevitably have biases. Don't take everything for granted, over time will undoubtedly become a wound that is difficult for Dabao to heal, and it will also become the reason for Erbao's wayward pampering. This problem, which must be faced from the time of pregnancy, is inevitable.
Two children are not the same, and difference is the most wonderful place to raise multiple children. Children are like spirits who have fallen into the mortal world to enrich our lives, and two children will enrich their lives twice. Those parents who want their children to be the same, really don't know how to enjoy it.
If you can realize that they are different, you will feel a completely different life experience, in short, whether you have one or several children, you don't have to be too nervous. To be a parent is to do your best, but to be worthy.
-END-
Meng Mama
The post-90s "little fresh mother", love life, love to share, love Mencius and love Mencius and his father. Over the years, pen cultivation has accumulated nearly 850,000 fans, sharing the latest and most fashionable baby poses with mothers, the coolest and most interesting mother and baby content of science.
Friday, 2022/04/15
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