Source: Homeschooling Learning Platform (ID: HDjiatingjiaoyu)
Talking parents can raise children who have a good time.
Every child has a very important learning at an early age – emotional expression.
They will first learn from their parents the various ways to express emotions, how to celebrate when happy, how to slowly alleviate when sad, how to relieve anger...
How to manage emotions is one thing that parents must teach their children, and the basis for teaching children these things is the parents' care for their children, so that children can feel the changes in emotions from the parents' love.
Especially in the emotionally sensitive period of children, when the parents' love can not meet his needs, they will appear or lonely, or grumpy, or timid, or silent performance.
At this stage, the way parents treat their children, indifference, yelling, and threats, will also be imitated and learned by their children.
Whether it is emotional deficiency or failure to learn the correct expression of emotions, if there is no follow-up counseling, the child's emotional management ability will be defective, and his future life will be full of crises.
Children need the love of their parents, and the best way for children to feel concerned is to communicate and interact with their parents.
However, many parents do not understand the correct way to communicate and interact with their children.
01
Three words that parents can't say
1. If you disobey, I will not like you.
The correct way to express this sentence should be: your behavior is wrong and has already affected others.
Many times, the parent's real thoughts and words are not the same, or even completely opposite, so that not only does the child not feel the love of the parents, but also does not learn the correct way of behavior, and next time he will continue to make the same mistakes.
We want our children to understand that our love for him is unconditional and not discounted by something happening.
"If you don't obey again, I won't like you anymore" and "If you do it again, I won't love you anymore", and the child will listen to it in his ears and remember it in his heart.
Many parents will unconsciously use their children's dependence to say something that sounds threatening to their children, even if it is not a true thought in their hearts, it will also trigger fear in their children's hearts.
Therefore, the correct way of expression is very important.
Children have inappropriate behavior, we need to tell the child right and wrong, let him know the impact of his actions on others, which is good and what is bad, rather than threatening the child.
2. If you cry again, I won't play with your phone.
Similarly, for example, if the child plays with the mobile phone for a long time, you directly take the mobile phone, and the result is that the child does not hesitate to cry and make a big fuss.
At this time, you said: "You are still crying, and I will never play with your mobile phone again!" ”
The correct way to phrase this is: You can play with your phone, but remember not to exceed ten minutes at a time.
Don't use mobile phones as "artifacts" for coaxing babies, and don't use confiscation of mobile phones as a means of punishment.
The beginning of establishing good habits is to have a correct understanding of everything, mobile phones can play, but know how to be moderate.
This is the correct concept we need to convey to children, not to play mobile phones for children, and there is a "big war" at home every day.
3. You're doing a great job, it's just that there's something wrong with the rules of this game.
There are also some parents who do not know how to comfort frustrated children and often help their children shirk their responsibilities.
For example, a child who participates in a competition and loses is reflecting on what he has done inadequately.
At this time, my parents fluttered and said, "You are doing a very good job, but there is a problem with the rules of this game." ”
Let the child feel that he has been treated unfairly and unfairly, which will produce a "resentful" mentality.
Over time, the child will become a "glass heart", not only can not afford to lose, but also learned to shirk responsibility.
Therefore, when the child loses the game, the correct way to express it should be: winning and losing is normal, and your participation is great.
Encouragement is not about teaching children to shirk responsibility and blame others for mistakes, but about affirming children's behavior.
We need to tell our children that all experiences will be transformed into life experiences, and as long as they participate, they will be rewarded.
02
Three sentences that parents must be able to meet
Communicating with children is a university question, and the core lies in the two words "respect".
These two words are easy to say, but few parents can do it, Chinese parents prefer control, but for a long time, they have lost the trust that parents and children should have.
For example, when the child comes back from school, the parents are concerned about the child's learning life at school and want to talk to the child.
But as soon as you open your mouth, you just ask, "What did you learn in school today?" ”
Children will feel uncomfortable when they listen to it, they will feel that I have been in school for a day, how can you only care about my learning?
So how should parents correctly express their concern for their children?
Try opening the conversation box with the following three sentences.
First sentence: "How are you feeling today?" ”
This sentence not only expresses concern for the child, but also cares about the emotions of the other party.
It is not to discuss the child's behavior at school, nor to evaluate the child, or simply to care about the child's feelings.
Compared with many parents who like to ask about the school, this sentence can better express the parents' concern for their children's "self-feelings".
Second sentence: "Do you have anything to gain?" ”
The subtext of this sentence is that children have something to gain today.
This sentence will bring powerful psychological hints to the child, guiding the child to think and recall the beautiful things today.
At the same time, it expresses the parents' recognition of the child and gives the child positive energy.
Third sentence: "Do you need my help?" ”
The subtext of this question is that the child has something to improve and difficulties to face.
This sentence first gives the child a choice, and the child can decide for himself whether he needs the help of his parents.
Second, even if the child chooses to need the help of his parents, he is still the leader of the event, and the parents are only "assistants".
This is good for both self-awareness and independence building in children.
Guided by the first two questions, the child has established warm and positive psychological feelings.
At the beginning of the third question, the child is mentally prepared to easily talk to the parents about the difficulties they have encountered and the help they want.
These three sentences are carefully designed to help parents and children establish the right communication and interaction.
The right way of expression will make our language effective and contagious, allowing us to form good communication and interaction with our children.
It is not easy for parents to change a habitual approach to education.
However, for children, the change of parents may affect their life.