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Robinson Crusoe: "The most effective way for a person to educate others is to educate himself first." ”
From the perspective of pedagogy, if teachers want to educate students well, they must first educate themselves, so that they can be a role model, teach and educate people, and care for students.
Family education is the same, parents want to educate their children well, they must first educate themselves, so that they can teach by example, be their children's role models, and be their children's heroes.
This logic also applies to marriage, whether the husband wants to educate his wife well, or the wife wants to educate her husband, she must first educate herself, otherwise your words cannot be agreed with by the other party, he will not obey, and he will not internalize what you teach him.
People have this kind of psychology, when they feel that others are not qualified to educate themselves, they will resist in their hearts, and there will be thoughts such as "why should I listen to you".
Especially after a conflict between husband and wife, or when they want to remarry after divorce, one party should not be a "good teacher", should not "take advantage of strong words", and should not be "stalking", otherwise the remarriage is hopeless, which will only make the other party hate you more.
The man below made such a mistake that he wanted to remarry his ex-wife but could not do it.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I want to tell you about the current situation of me and my ex-wife.
We've been together for almost eighteen or nineteen years. I was older than my ex-wife, and I went through a lot of difficulties from falling in love to getting married and having children, but I got through it.
The winter before, I found out that she had ambiguous messages sent to her by strangers on her phone, and I was very angry. She admitted that she should not chat with others, although I forgave her, but I was a person with a broken mouth, and from time to time I would turn out to relieve my anger, which led to her psychological breakdown and divorced me.
Shortly after the divorce, I had the nerve to go to her place of work and mess around, causing her to be completely dead to me. After that, I moved out, one of the two children, the big one with me, the small one with her, she said that the two children were taken care of by her for the time being, and she was given two thousand yuan a month for living expenses.
However, our eldest son was particularly disgusted with her, because she was in a rebellious period, talking very hurtfully, always saying that "the family was broken" because of her, and often noisy and noisy to her: "If you don't chat with strange men, my dad will not be angry!" ”
She was very angry and asked me to quickly take my eldest son away: "Legally speaking, one person is one, I am not obliged to raise him, and the person who raises him cannot raise his heart." ”
Yesterday I charged her electricity bill, she said that she did not need me to pity her, she was not allowed to go to her house in the future, and said that she would never have any contact with me again in this life.
I am sad because in my heart, she has always been my only woman, and since the divorce, I have always remembered her virtues and the love she once had for me.
I was probably a little too anxious and had been stalking her so much that she was so desperate to turn back. I asked my eldest son not to provoke her to be angry and wanted her to remarry me for the sake of her two children, but she said that the children of single-parent families could still live well, because she was a single-parent family.
Is there any way you can get it back? Please point me in.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Divorced couples want to remarry, only if both parties have the idea of remarriage at the same time, one party has broken the secret in each other's heart, and each other can hit it off. Apart from this situation, there is no immediate way to get two people back into marriage immediately.
I have talked about this problem in detail before, for couples whose feelings are broken, remarriage requires a process, which is both a process of emotional repair and a process of making each other fall in love again.
For the party who wants to remarry, the process takes time, requires enough patience, and needs to do three things well.
If a man really wants to remarry his ex-wife, first of all, he must respect her and not repeatedly turn over old accounts to stimulate her, otherwise there is no drama.
Second, maintain an appropriate distance. Because after the relationship breaks down, the parties will be particularly emotional, at this time, we must keep a distance, let each other calm down, calm down and then talk, it will be easier.
There is also to change, around the reasons for the original divorce to change, to learn to "vote for its favor", do not "throw in its disgust", otherwise it is also no play.
The man has the will to remarry, and the request to the eldest son is also an expression of respect. However, his impatient and stalking behavior is not advisable, which will make the ex-wife not see any change, will only make her feel that you are forcing her to remarry, will only make her feel that remarriage is good for you, not good for her.
Even if you have the idea that "you must remarry me and not marry anyone else", you should not say it, because the meaning of this sentence is "I love myself more than I love you". You have to use patience to regulate your behavior, as long as she does not refuse to meet with you, it is equivalent to saying to you, "Remarriage is OK, but I have conditions." In general, the conditions proposed by a woman are related to the three things we mentioned above, and you can do as she asks.
Of course, these methods can only be said to be conducive to remarriage, and there is no guarantee that they will be able to remarry, because whether they can eventually remarry does not depend on how strong the person who wants to remarry is willing, but only on whether the other party nods, what you can do is to convince people with love, so that she realizes that remarriage is good for her. If she really doesn't want to, you can only respect her choice.