45 easy-to-understand psychological laws, read and benefit for life!

Author: John Beyman

Excerpts from the original words of John Beyman, an international psychologist and founder of Satya psychology, compiled from the essence of the master's life.

1) Rebellion is actually a message – it tells you that something needs to be changed. This does not mean that only the child needs to change, sometimes the whole family needs to change.

2, if the husband and wife always solve the problem with accusations and quarrels, the child will not have high self-esteem, nor will they respect themselves and others, this trauma may lead to a person's lifelong insecurity and desire for love.

3, the problem is not a problem, the problem is the solution. If the child doesn't go to school, that's his solution; if someone wants to commit suicide, that's his solution; if someone is depressed, that's his solution; the problem is the solution to losing function! So, smart people, learn this, learn to ask "What's the real problem?" "Learn, find real solutions.

4. Connect with the child. We rarely hear our children's inner voices now, and most of them respond to them from the outside. If we can hear how the child feels inside, they can share his/her feelings with you. You don't necessarily need to fully accept it, but you need to at least be able to hear what voices are coming out of him/her.

6, so what parents really have to do is acceptance. No matter what kind of child it is, and whether I like it or not, I have to accept that my child is like this. It's like it's raining and I'm not happy, but I accept it. On the contrary, he just hears your excessive expectations and does not feel your love, although you think you love, but he has given up hope. What about a desperate child?

7, we need to see the beauty of our own hearts first, before we can really see others; we must first feel the love for ourselves, and then we can love others.

8) If parents cannot have a happy marriage, they can choose a healthy divorce and a happy breakup. For the sake of the children, the two of us don't have to like each other, just be kind to each other. We are no longer husband and wife, but we are still the best parents for our children. Many single parents spend too much energy on accusing each other and resenting each other, and children bear a lot of fear in this.

9, love yourself endlessly! Love as much as you can!

10) In this room, you are the most important person, and we will start from this. You are only here for you, I am for you.

11, I know that I am important to you, but more important than this is how important you are, when you know how to love yourself, you know how to love me.

12, for an adult child, if the parents intervene too much, it is a negative influence, if the parents intervene too much, even an adult child can not learn how to take responsibility. Is this what Mom and Dad want? Or do I want it? It can be a headache for some people, and when the child grows up, we want them to make decisions for themselves, to take responsibility for themselves, to understand what is good for them.

13, the biggest problem in Chinese families is the lack of effective communication between members, most couples are not trying to solve the problem, but in the fight over who is right and who is wrong, who should obey whom. 【Public account: Schopenhauer's philosophical wisdom】

14) Treat your negative feelings as a messenger, he just came to tell you that there is some disharmony within you. But we tend to kill the messenger. But let us not be misled by the messenger, for he is only a messenger. To explore: What does that message represent? Welcome your messenger and listen to him.

15, help children establish a sense of self-worth, build self-confidence, learn to love and be loved, so that they are willing to learn new things, willing to take risks, is the best gift that every parent leaves to their children.

16) Don't base your value on how others treat you.

17, if the responsibility is regarded as an opportunity, there is a big difference between responsibility and burden. The reward of opportunity is positive, and the reward of burden is exhaustion and resentment.

18, do not get angry, because they are no longer afraid of being hurt by others.

19 In intimate relationships, I want you, because I love you and I love you, because I want you.) are completely different.

20, take good care of yourself, and then go to help others.

21, the best gift that parents give to their children is a good marriage between parents, and for the education of children, in fact, we should pay more attention to what kind of person each child is, what they need in their hearts, and what they are thinking.

22"I should change" and "I want to change" are meaningless to me. What I want to hear is: "I will change," "I'm changing," "I've changed." You are responsible for your own life, starting now.

23 Judges usually initially come from parental accusations, which children internalize as their own judges.

24 If you regularly judge yourself or others, it means that you have a judge at work within you. For your judge, you can do this:

1. Appreciate him because he wants you to be better;

2. Accept him, but you can dislike him;

3. Make him smaller and not give him importance;

4. Give judges a leave of absence or retirement;

5. Treat the judge as a messenger and see what's behind him.

25 When you become more genuine, you become more harmonious.

26) Children may skip school for two purposes: one is revenge, and the other is passively aggressive.

27, your best friend has been waiting for you, ready to love you, recognize you, appreciate you, but you can't hear him. This is very sad. This friend is yourself.

28 I don't think our parents are bad. I think our parents just did something really bad, they're not bad, they're like you and me, they're manifestations of cosmic life force.

29 If we have been currying favor with our parents in the past, when we stop currying favors and try to be consistent, we often find that our parents will angrily accuse us. So we feel guilty and return to the original flattering mode, but we hide anger in our hearts. From the therapist's point of view, parents go from dependence to blame, which actually shows that their energy is increasing, and we should welcome this change instead of feeling guilty. Accusations mean they care about you.

30 Regarding the connection with the "self", "accepting" yourself is the first level, and then "loving" yourself, then "appreciating" yourself, and then "celebrating" life. We need to learn to celebrate life and celebrate for ourselves every day.

31 When we say, "I don't want something," we focus our energy on something negative; in satya' mode, we focus on the positive, we say, "I want something." Dark clouds obscure the sun, and when we say, "I don't want clouds," we are gathering negative energy; when we say, "I want the sun," we are gathering positive energy.

32 I like to use eagles as a metaphor for our state when we are connected to the life force. When the eagle glides through the air, it is effortless, it does not have to do anything, it just needs to "float" above the air current. When we are connected to the life force, we can be like eagles, "floating" above the life force, gliding freely.

33, just "understand" the mother's original family and growth experience, know why she became her, this is not enough. "Understanding" still only stays at the level of the mind, "acceptance" is in the middle, and "forgiveness" is in the heart. Only when you "forgive" in your heart can you truly "let go".

34, man, every day is like a blank piece of paper, if the handwriting of the past is written, there is no blank writing today. Every day people have a choice, you can choose to write your past self, or you can simply leave it empty. 【Public account: Schopenhauer's philosophical wisdom】

35 Everyone is a unique manifestation of the same life energy in the universe. Trust the vitality of everyone.

36 We are good enough in every moment, and we can be better in the next moment.

37 When children rebel, it does not mean that these children want to do not do well, they only want attention, so the Satya model also tries to help these children get a positive attention.

38, I affirm my own words, so that children can see how I do it, this is the best way to educate. As a parent, you have to reduce your criticism and accusations, to accept children, you don't have to have children do this or that, if you can accept these children, don't be critical of their behavior, then you can teach them how to affirm themselves.

39 Self-esteem is how positive you experience yourself.

40 The teacher tells us that tears are words, it is the expression of our inner emotions, and there are six types of tears. Tears of concern: it is a pitiful, helpless cry... Tears of sorrow: the sadness of separation, the sadness of loneliness... Tears of Pain: Crying caused by pain when the body is injured, is released. Tears of Joy: Tears of joy. Tears of Victory: The surprise of the moment of becoming a winner, crying with joy, what it may have touched... Healing Tears: When one is connected to one's own life energy, one let go (external) and accept (inner) connection to the universe. It's welcome to tears, encourage it!

41 A happy family is that they can always be together, they can understand and accept each other's differences, they can appreciate and appreciate their similarities, they can live together for the future, rather than living in the world of the past.

42, let go of the past pain, have the courage to face the future, and believe that I can take care of myself, the future will be better.

43 Any negative action of a person can be understood as the result of some kind of hunger, thirst and harm. Hunger and thirst include the hunger for love, the hunger for approval, and the hunger for being seen and heard... It is the ego's desire for completeness and superficial consistency and connection. Injury reflects the initial stages of the formative years, because the education received is that you must suppress your own nature to achieve obedience, so you will hurt the true self.

44. What is freedom of speech in the family? Freedom of expression in the family consists of 4 aspects:

1) What you can say about what you see and hear.

2. To whom can you express it?

3) If you don't agree with or disapprove of someone or something, what will you do?

4) How do you ask questions (or do you ask questions)?

45, the teacher once let us do a meditation: to be our own friends.

I asked myself: If you were her friend, how would you treat her?

I will see the goodwill behind that expectation, I will appreciate her kindness and love, I will accompany her, accept her, appreciate her!